Boys like girls.

All girls want:

✔A lap to sit on

✔A hand to hold

✔A shoulder to lean on

✔A partner to dance with

✔The perfect lips to kiss

✔A hand to wipe away the tears

✔A person to heal every pain, every scar

✔A person to vent to

✔A person to cry to

✔A knight in shining armor

✔A LOVE THAT NEVER FADES.



All guys want:

✔ A GIRL.



Dem yuh!

Jalan singkat ke kubur.

"Dah siap ke belum? Nanti lambat sampai pula. Dah nak hujan ni."

Gua terhegeh-hegeh betulkan kain samping. Alah, raya ni. Mestilah nak segak lebih sikit. "Dah Papa. Tunggu si Boy tu saja. Dia yang lembab," gua seperti biasa kalau hal lembab memang ada mangsa tetap untuk disalahkan.

***

Bangah memandu. Gua di kerusi co-pilot. Papa, Kangah, Kenit dan Boy di belakang. Memang macam sardin, nasib baik naik V6.

Mama tak ikut, masih sibuk memasak kat rumah. Kalau tidak seorang memang kena baring atas bumbung.

Boot belakang tak boleh buka, baru-baru ni ada penyamun cuba umpil, habis rosak lubang kunci. Nak repair macam bukan masa yang sesuai, maklumlah Raya dah dekat masa tu, duit dah habis tanggung benda-benda lain, kata Bangah masa gua sedang sibuk-sibuk nak letak barang-barang di belakang kereta. Memang penuhlah bawah kaki dengan beg, botol air, kasut, suratkhabar, macam-macam lagi. Sabar sajalah...

"Kita nak ikut jalan mana satu ni?" Bangah tanya.

"Mana-mana pun boleh. Biasa kita ikut NKVE. Tapi kalau ikut Guthrie terus sampai, ikut jalan belakang." Papa beri cadangan. "Cuma Guthrie tu kita tak biasa ikut, Papa ingat-ingat lupa jalan dia."

"Saya ingat rasanya Papa," kata Bangah.

"Okaylah kalau kau ingat. Ikut Guthrie lah."

***

"Lu nak ikut Guthrie ke Bangah?" gua tanya nak confirmation.

"Ye lah kot."

"Kita nak masuk ikut mana?"

"Ikut Bukit Jelutong la kot. Ermm.." Bangah macam tak confident pula bunyinya.

"Kenapa tak ikut jalan biasa saja? Senang sikit rasanya. Tapi kalau lu nak ikut Guthrie pun takda hal. Cuma gua tak sure jalan tu. kalau lu on, gua on," gua seperti biasa lagi, tak kisah sangat.

"Hmm.. Gua takda hal kalau nak ikut NKVE, sama je kot. Guthrie dekat sikitlah rasanya, itu saja."

"Okaylah macam tu kita ikut Guthrie. Cepat sikit kita sampai kubur."


Terdiam.


Bangah pandang gua, "Lain macam lu punya ayat tu bro. Gua taknak 'cepat sampai kubur'."

Gua hampir tersedak bila gua flashback ayat gua tadi.

"Wow, that was really awkward," gua separuh tersengih. "Okaylah, kita ikut NKVE. Gua pun taknak 'cepat sangat sampai kubur'."

"Hahaha."

***

Berhati-hatilah semasa memandu di jalan raya, terutamanya di musim perayaan seperti sekarang.

• Walaupun Ops Sikap tiap-tiap tahun dijalankan sebagai peringatan kepada pengguna-pengguna jalan raya yang rata-ratanya rela disaman daripada sampai lambat ke destinasi.
• Walaupun pengendali lebuhraya berbelanja besar meningkatkan mutu serta tahap keselamatan lebuhraya masing-masing walaupun ia bersifat sementara.
• Walaupun anda telah minum empat tin Red Bull yang berpotensi merosakkan hati dan buah pinggang serta sudah tidur 20 jam sebelum memulakan perjalanan.
• Walaupun memandu dengan mematuhi had laju serta undang-undang di jalan raya walaupun anda tidak tahu undang-undang jalan raya kerana memiliki lesen terbang.

Teori dia masih sama: makin sesak sesuatu tempat itu, makin tinggilah peluang sesuatu kecelakaan akan berlaku. Tak percaya? Cuba tengok protes jalanan, cuba tengok konsert mega. Sekarang, gandakan seratus (dianggarkan lebih 1.4 juta kenderaan sehar menggunakan lebuh raya di musim perayaan).

Lagipun semua orang dah kenyang makan lemang, makan rendang, makan lontong bagai, memanglah kebas satu badan.


Cilakak!

Nota kaki: Gua tak sampai hati nak letak gambar atau video orang kena langgar, sakit woo. Gua tau lah, gua pernah kena langgar.

Ten reasons why it is United's year

Here are 10 reasons why 2010/11 will be our year...

1. The weight of history – Since Sir Alex’s first championship win, only once has there been a gap of more than a year (2004-2006) between United losing and regaining the crown. You won’t get much value betting against another win in 2010/11.

2. Hunger – The gaffer always looks his players in the eye before the season begins to see if the drive to succeed is still there, but he’ll scarcely need to rally the troops this time around. We confidently beat the current champions at Wembley on Sunday, and there’s no doubting we want our trophy back!

3. World Cup woe – Chicharito aside, United’s internationals had disappointing World Cup campaigns. Why is this good? 1) They’ll be desperate to get back to winning ways. 2) They’ll have had a decent rest.

4. We can’t be that unlucky with injuries again – Surely we won’t spend another winter with two entire back fours on the treatment table.

5. Help for Wayne - 30+ goals between a resurgent Dimitar Berbatov and the new-boy Chicharito, You heard it here first.

6. A last hurrah? - Giggsy, Scholesy, Nev and Edwin will all want another winners’ medal before (eventually) hanging up their boots (although rumour has it Ryan may get a contract extension to 2050)

7. Youngsters to the fore – the new breed, led by Jonny Evans, will be crucial to United’s squad. Keep an eye on Rafael, Fabio, Macheda, Gibson, Smalling and Obertan, plus a hot tip for a midfield breakthrough, Tom Cleverley.

8. John O’Shea – His defensive balance was sorely missed last term (he played 54 games in 2008/09) and we’ve just got a hunch he’ll do something absolutely crucial in the run-in. Let’s say, a winner at the Emirates…

9. Rooney’s still learning – 34 goals last season after a tactical shift up top showed Wayne’s football brain is still expanding. He only stopped scoring in the run-in (and in the World Cup) because he wasn’t properly fit. He will get even better.

10. We are United. And we don’t like second.

Taken directly from Manchester United Official Website

Masih syaitan, masih haram, maka masih masuk neraka.

*************************************

Persenelli, gua paling suka kat ayat terakhir (dalam kurungan) serta di'underlined'kan oleh gua pada #6. Memang kelakar.

Cilakak!

Kawan lama tak jumpa.

kring-kring...

kring-kring...

Gua tengok nombor yang tak dikenali.

"Helo?"

"Wei bro, ru surah sampai mana?"

Gua masih tak berapa cam dengan pelat ala-ala Jepun mamat yang telipon gua tu.

"Siapa ni?", musykil.

"Ru surah tak ingat sama gua ka bro?", nadanya macam hampa.

"Oki?", gua teka-teka saja.

"Hahaha ya bro ya! Ru masih ingat sama gua...", pulak gua dengar suara Oki macam sebak-sebak gembira.

Gua masih rilek. Lama juga tak jumpa Oki.

"Bro, gua tau ru punya birthday hari Isnin, itu pasal gua gua datang inni harriii mau cerebrate sama rruuuu!"

"Okeh, lu tunggu gua kat sana Oki. Gua dah on the way, lagi seploh menit gua sampei."

"Gua caya sama rruuuu!" Oki jerit ala-ala David Arumugam punya 'trimaseyyy!' yang merupakan kegilaan Oki sejak kecil.

Gua sentuh skrin iPhone gua untuk memotong perbualan.

"Siapa tu?", tanya Shaq, sepupu gua.

"Oki, kawan lama gua."

Suasana dalam kereta Shaq kembali hening.

*******

Suasana sangat gamat. Beribu manusia macam-macam fesyen ada. Semua demi melihat kehebatan Oki di atas pentas.

Gua nampak kelibat seorang mamat berambut panjang, berbaju tanpa lengan, seluar hitam ketat dan kasut hi-top yang agak ranggi naik pentas.

Jeritan manusia-manusia ini makin galak bagai kena rasuk pontianak bila kelibat Oki muncul di atas pentas.

Oki! Oki! Oki! Oki! Oki!

Gua sengih sorang-sorang. Tak sangka lu dah semakin ramai peminat Oki. Tak sia-sia lu lari rumah, merantau sampai ke negara penjajah, akhirnya lu berjaya juga cipta nama.

*******

Jam Nixon yang dah lama gua tak pakai sebab tunggu nak ganti tali dia sikit punya lama menunjukkan hampir tiga pagi.

Nak kena chow ni, gua agak.

"Shaq, gua nak turun bawah kejap, nak jumpa kawan gua. Lepas tu kita chow, oke?"

Shaq angguk sambil tunjuk tanda 'ibu jari ke atas'.

Gua jalan perlahan dalam kegelapan yang bersilih ganti lampu perbagai warna, menuju ke arah pentas, gelanggang Oki menunjuk taring.

Gua pandang tepat ke arah Oki bila gua dah berada betul-betul di depan pentas.

"OKI!!!" jerit gua, mencuba menenggelamkan jeritan hiruk-pikuk ribuan yang lain.

Oki tersentap, semacam terdengar satu suara yang amat familiar. Oki terus menoleh ke kanannya.

Tanpa berlengah, Oki terus meluru ke arah gua.

"BRRROOOO!!!" Jerit Oki sambil memegang mikrofon. Satu dewan bergema. Yang lain makin dirasuk.

"Rama gua tarak jumpa sama rruuu! Ru apa khabarrrr??!", sambil dia menghulur tangan kepada gua, minta berjabat.

Gua sambut huluran salam Oki, kawan lama gua.

"Baguslah Oki, lu sudah berjaya. Gua tumpang gembira.", gua terpaksa jerit sebab bising sangat.

"Tapi karau bukan kerana nasihat dan sokongan ru, gua takkan berjaya sampai sekarang..."

"A man makes his own destiny, Oki."

"Thank you bro.", kata Oki sambil tahan airmata daripada meleleh.

Oki pusing ke kiri dan terus sapu bawah mata, cover line daripada dilihat oleh peminat-peminat lain.

"I'M IN THE HOUSE!", Oki laungkan dan terus melambai tangan kepada peminat yang fanatik.

Gua pusing, terus chow.

Dem yuh!

March 14: Steak and Shoe-Shine Day??!!

Bullshit!

March 14 is the Steak and BJ Day!

What is it?

You can check my post exactly a year ago

HERE

Now I'm telling you guys/girls, I'm championing for this noble cause. Girls have their Valentine's Day on the February 14, so guys should have their Steak and BJ Day on the March 14, every year!

Please watch the video below and to help you understand how IMPORTANT this day is to we men!

I did write "Who Needs Valentine's?" last month, so should I write "Who Needs Steak and BJ's?". No!!

Now all of you, go give/get some! You have until midnight!

Dem yuh!

The HEART Truth.

I am using a tablet notebook PC (HP TouchSmart tx2) but funny thing is I hardly 'touch' the screen. Not really used to it, as I thought it'd be cool just to have it back then. Served my ego.

Actually I did some 'handwriting' with my touch screen before this, more like a test-run on my notebook. Awfully handsome handwriting I have, you know. Check it out

HERE

Anyways yesterday I made some artworks. Been trying to sharpen up my drawing and painting skills you know. Not sure if it's working out right for me but I'm pretty sure I'll still be having plenty of time playing around with it.

Here you go.

To be honest, I took this idea from HERE. You see I have a weak sense of drawing/painting, therefore I needed some "inspiration" to do something. But hey, at least I drew/painted them myself okay? And I did some improvisations as well. Not too bad, I think.

Now I can hear my notebook whispering to my ears (and I can't get over it) asking me to keep on touching its body, "touch my body... touch my body..." just like this guy/girl:

Dem yuh!

The truth about Spongebob Squarepants (on the weekends)

Yep kiddos, he's just like us. Well I'm not sure if he's human figuratively, but hey, he's done the BONG, so yeah we'll accept him into our world.

But one sweet reminder:

Just go for Au Naturale

Have a great weekend, because I know I am

Dem yuh!


p/s- Spongebong and Hashtrick did mention "Malaysia" in one of the clips. Seriously I'm not kidding. Try listen to it carefully. MALAYSIA BOLEH KOT! 1Malaysia!

Cracky Sunday Morning

Last night was Halloween, if I'm not mistaken. Thanks to whatever-your-name-was girl I met a couple weeks back, who's a champion for Halloween party. Seriously, what has it got to do with us Malaysians by the way? We have enough ghosts or ghost stories or incidents, more than what the Westerns have. And, our ghosts are way scarier. We don't need Halloween for ghost's sake!

Anyway, last night I stayed at home watching football and jammed some music with my cousin and housemates. I'm sure many of you guys went out for the party or watched football somewhere. Shit was funny yo, we were talking about stupid stuff and all. To my cousin Shaq, you're the bomb!

This morning, I woke up feeling cracky. Must be the last night's effect. Demmit! I wasn't sure what I want to do now. I'm kinda confused ya know. And I know most of you are having the same vibe too. It's called hangover. Ha ha ha.

So I'd like to share this one video. One good funny video. What you can do after you watched it, is to choose which one are you.

Feeling cracky? Meet spidey.

Have a lazy weekend guys.


Dem yuh!

For those who don't know me (yet)

Come on, loose up a bit.


Dem yuh!

Get-away getaway

In few more hours, I'll be off somewhere for the whole weekend.

No, I'm not running away. That's not me. I mean, maybe I was a quitter in my younger days and escapism was the most ideal thing to do but not anymore.

However, I learned slowly and painfully that escapism is not gonna change your life or anything around you. The day my ideas about the world I was living in, broke into pieces. There's a saying: The world does not revolve around you.

It's like hating your family or this country or the current Government so much for being such an asshole to you and to everyone, so you decide to migrate to somewhat a "better" country with "even better" government like AUSTRALIA so you think you'll have a better living, you'll be treated with more respect and you can pay lower taxes.

Then after that you REALIZED that Australia is nothing less than your OWN COUNTRY, instead of coming back, you decide to migrate to ANOTHER country which you THINK is BETTER than the last one, like CANADA. I mean, what the fuck man? Why do you think Canada is better than Australia, or even Malaysia? Canada has been the main topic in American stand-up comedies for years, equally to North Korea or Iran. Well at least these mofuckers have some nuclear shits, no? And what Canada has? Wayne Gretzky? Maple leaf? Do you know that you can even grow money on someone's ass now?

Grow up.

Anyway, back to the topic.

I'm going for a getaway. Or get-away? Or get away?

Whatever.

I need out. Everything feels numb now. I work and work and work, and play sports every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, Thursday usually a bit flex but I still come home at 2 or 3 in the morning, Friday and Saturday always the trashed ones, Sunday is family day and night. Yet I feel nothing. Happiness at its worst.

No I'm not being emotional or too sensitive (well maybe a bit) you can see in my blog I keep the truth about what I write. I never tried to be or write like other people a.k.a POSERS. I just write how I see the world through my eyes, the truth, about what I feel. *Truth in my definition is something that I believe in, not you.

So I don't know if I will write while I'm on my 'Ops Escapism'. Hell I don't know if anyone cares. It's a nice thing though, when you write and you don't know if anyone ever give a damn about your writing therefore you can write almost about ANYTHING you want, you can even say FUCK GOVERNMENT here and no one would give a flying fuck or two flying fucks about it. Shit I hope they don't arrest me under ISA because if they do, that would be the funniest shit ever could happen to me, or to this country, which I love dearly. *Smell some sarcasm?*

Fuck man I'm stoned or what I don't know. This is a bullshit write up. It's alright.

Need to pack up and rest. Long way to go.

History is to be pissing...

Dem yuh!

Kisah malang yang berdarah

Dah dua minggu gua belasah hari gua sampai pagi. Dari pagi sampai pagi. Setiap hari. Bangun pagi jam 9-10 itu macam, lepas tu pergi kerja belasah kerja-kerja gua yang menimbun macam tempat pelupusan sampah dekat Kepong sana tu. Sebab apa gua cakap macam tempat pelupusan sampah? Sebab gua ni macam mesin melupuskan sampah sarap kerja yang orang lain tak boleh buat atau tak nak buat, gua lah yang kena buat. Pelbagai jenis kerja/sampah yang gua kena buat. Tapi gua memang steady, lagi banyak kena campak kerja/sampah pada gua, lagi bagus. Lagi banyak gua belajar, lagi kuat dan laju otak gua berfungsi, lagi cepat gua boleh jadi Perdana Menteri Malaysia.

Gua akan lunch dalam jam 4 petang, lepas tu sambung kerja. Sampai jam 7 kena turun kedai bawah sebab kena pergi minum bersama-sama Table of Four Committee (bukan The Jackson Five). Dalam jam 7.30 gua naik ofis sambung kerja sampai jam 9.30 malam.

Setiap Isnin dan Rabu gua akan main futsal 10-11 malam, lepas tu pergi makan dekat 223 sana sampai jam 2 pagi (sila klik di 223 untuk tahu rahsia terbaru). Sekurang-kurangnya. Selasa pula gua pergi main basketball dari 10-12 malam. Malam basketball gua jarang lepak sebab budak-budak tu komited kerja. Esok kena kerja la apa la. Semua orang pun kena kerja. Apa daa...

Tapi semalam ada terjadi sebuah kisah agak malang.

Kitaorang main basketball macam biasa 10-12 malam. Gua memang tak sihat sangat; ankle kanan gua terseliuh sebab jatuh masa main basketball minggu lepas, shin kiri gua pula kena rembat dengan mamat mana entah masa main futsal minggu lepas juga. Dua-dua tempat gua pernah patah dan retak suatu masa dahulu. Awsem.

Tengah seronok bersukan, melompat-lompat bagai, tiba-tiba...

Gedegang!

Kepala berlaga dengan siku Umar Zayeed. Berpinar-pinar. Nampak bintang. Pandangan kabur.

Darah.

Demmit.

"Pergi tandas cepat, cuci darah tu."

Menitik-nitik darah. Sah mesti koyak kepala ni.

Comel kan koyak tu? Nampak saja kecil, tapi darah memancut dah macam pili bomba pecah. Baru lah jantan beb.

"Rilek. Meh sini aku tengok sikit." "Hmm sah koyak kening kau ni."

"Umar, pergi minta kapas dengan ubat dekat kaunter. Minta dengan uncle."

"Lepas ni kita pergi klinik terus lah. Mesti kena jahit ni, kurang-kurang tiga."

Ini bukan telur separuh masak. Ini ubat kuning bercampur darah.

Pening, pitam semua ada. Mata rasa macam pedih saja. Muka dah macam nak bengkak. Habis session, terus chow pergi cari klinik area rumah gua. Gua perasan ada satu klinik 24-jam. Boleh lah.

Sampai klinik, terus daftar dekat kaunter, sebab kes emergency, terus dapat masuk, tak payah tunggu lama-lama, nanti lama-lama dia diambil orang.

Setel. Tiga jahit. Kena RM100 juga. Gampang.

Muka nak cas sihat walafiat. Blah lah.

He he he sebenarnya bukan gua yang kena, tapi member gua encik Bala @ Shahril Yaakob. Encik Bala ni besfren gua dari Form 1, satu dorm, satu kelas, satu team basketball dengan gua, partner in crime, segala. Tapi dia ni tak ada criminal record, gua pula......... Dia main hustle sangat, lepas tu pakai glasses, memang peluang nak kena tinggi la. Tu lah Bala lain kali pakai lah contact lense! Pemalas!

Gua sempat singgah kedai DVD haram sebelah klinik tu. Mana tahu ada filem menarik boleh gua kaji pula. Tapi gua jumpa benda ni:

Gua sempat tangkap satu gambar saja sebab macha yang kerja kat situ ingat gua spy polis, dia dah usha ketat kat gua macam Sivaji The Boss

Terbit rasa pelik dalam hati gua. Masa mamat ni masih hidup, macam-macam lu orang panggil dia; monyet lah, King of Plop lah, child mollester lah, black trying to be white lah, apa lancau semua lah. Sekarang dia dah masuk kubur baru lah semua orang nak pasang lagu dia, nak menangis lah, nak beli jaket merah Thriller dia lah, nak apply jadi ahli Jackson Five lah, entah apa-apa lagi. Konsert dia dekat KL dulu pun lu tak pergi, nak claim kipas-susah-mati, konon. Get a fucking life, posers.

Kisah malang gua diakhiri dengan sesi makan Nasi Kandar Makbul sebab gua sudah teman Bala pergi klinik so dia belanja gua makan. Nasi kuah banjir, ayam goreng dengan telur rebus kasi hancur, lepas tu gaul dengan nasi. Teh O' Ais. Memang best geng.

Bala chow awal lepas Table of Four Committee datang untuk bersidang. Gua yang suruh dia chow, kalau tidak nanti dia drive kereta tu lepas tu mengantuk nanti langgar divider kat Salak South sana lagi sekali pula, susah gua nak kena pergi rescue.

Gua dan ahli majlis lepak lagi; minum, makan, kunyah, hisap rokok, hisap rokok lagi, order air lagi, thosai, meggi goreng telur mata powder, segala gosip keluar, bisnes buah jambu 88, segala masalah negara sampai hal nak mengurat awek pun jadi topik. Sedar-sedar dah jam 4 pagi. Jahanam.

Tak boleh jadi. Semua orang balik.

Sampai rumah. Gua dengan tak mandi, bau macam longkang tersumbat dekat rumah gua yang kalau tersumbat mesti gua yang kena jadi buruh kasar kasi korek balik sampai clear. Apalah nasibku ini. Gua terus loncat atas tilam, pasang lagu puitis-puitis dalam henpon gua, bajet nak layan tidur.

Entah apahal pula tak boleh tidur ni. Sebutir-sebutir lagu gua dengar jelas. Tak mengantuk, badan letih gila tapi otak nak suruh gua fikir sesuatu. Nak fikir apa lagi la otak?! Kepala hotak lu lah otak, gua nak tidur ni!!!

Gua rasa gua lelap jam 5.30 pagi. Bangun jam 8.30 pagi sebab Ma call, dia tanya bila nak balik rumah, dia rindu. Gua cakap tunggu hujung minggu, itu pun tak tentu. Kerja gua kan macam tempat pelupusan sampah sekarang ni.

Dem yuh!

Transformer found in Malaysia!

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Watch out, they are everywhere among us..........

Dem yuh!

Herbs for sickness

I went out last weekend. I hate it but I had to. I don't feel anything now. Just numb. But what the hell, just go out and make some mess, ain't it right son?

No mood to write long, I am sick now. So sick. Enjoy the stupid pictures.

Good invention. I wonder if they have "Smash Head Device" in the inventory, as I would probably get one. For my own use. Kinky, ain't I?

I love rituals. I respect certain things regarding rituals. Because I am spi-ritual. And this, my friends, is one of the most-saluted ritual of all time. Salud!

The herbal medicine for mental sickness. See the same device like the perforated spoon in picture two and three. Yes. And yes it is taboo.

I downed one too many shots. I got lost that night. I know it won't do me any good, but what do you know about me?

Dem yuh!

Mass Mis-Communication

I decided to write this because recently, my girlfriend Aydan has just started her diploma in Mass Communication. I thought it was a good decision from her, since she is a very smart young lady with certain qualities and talents especially in writing, artistic ideas and she has what it is needed to excel in her studies. I personally and honestly think this is something she would love to do now, and in the future.

And the better part is, she emails me every notes that was given to her by the lecturer, so I can learn from home and not having to pay and go for the classes myself. It's a two-in-one package. It makes an economic-sense, no?

So I was called to write something about this matter. As I've few times mentioned the importance of communication in daily life, especially in the office, with friends, or even to your life partner. And to understand the basics of communication, here are the major parts in human face to face communication:

- 55% of impact is determined by body language—postures, gestures, and eye contact,
- 38% by the tone of voice, and
- 7% by the content or the words used in the communication process.

But that's not what I wish to write about now. I want to write a little bit about Mass Communication.

Mass communication is the term used to describe the academic study of the various means by which individuals and entities relay information through mass media to large segments of the population at the same time. It is usually understood to relate to newspaper and magazine publishing, radio, television and film, as these are used both for disseminating news and for advertising. (Wikipedia: Mass communication)

In shorter explanation, mass communication is a production or transmission of messages that are consumed and received by large audience.

The functions of Mass Communication are for:

- Surveillance
- Correlation
- Socialization
- Entertainment
- Advertising or Commercializing

There are many techniques to distribute and to transmit messages to a massive number of people, such as:
- Internet
- Television
- News papers, magazines, books, journal
- Radio
- Movies/Film

At the same time, there are effects of Mass Communication to the audience:
- The audience can be controlled through messages
- The audience can be misinformed through messages
- Limits individuality
- Possible change in behaviors, attitudes and beliefs of the audience.

These explanations might be too formal and I wish I am good enough to tell a better story. I will, in time.

Alright, enough with some learning today. I have a good example of Mass Communication Gone Wrong. This is just a simple one, and yet, can caused us a lot of trouble.

Have fun reading.

*******

Memo from CEO to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse from the sun. This is where the sun dissapears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something taht cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen everyday.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun dissapear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo from Floor Manager to Superior:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Memo from Superior to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO dissapear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

*******

Don't ask "To where?" if you are not ready to hear the answer

Dem yuh!

Kisah selipar di zaman silam.

*******
1995.

Keputusan Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah diumumkan.

Gua tak goyang sikit pun, gua konfiden mesti dapat 4A punya lah. Mana tidak, daripada darjah satu sampai darjah enam gua mesti top 10 sekolah. Dalam kelas komfem lah gua top 3 setiap tahun. Tiap-tiap hujung tahun mesti naik pentas dapat hadiah kecemerlangan.

Tapi yang gua agak teruja dengan UPSR ni sebab ada gua dengar desas-desus cakap gua mungkin nasib baik saja, sebab gua sekolah kat kampung. Soalan ujian ke periksa akhir tahun mesti kacang saja sebab standard kampung. Suara-suara sumbang ni cakap kalau gua betul-betul terer gua kena dapat 4A dalam UPSR, dan kalau LAGI terer gua kena dapat offer masuk asrama. Diaorang bandingkan gua dengan abang gua yang dapat masuk SPB, Sekolah Menengah Sains Sultan Abdul Halim, Jitra, Kedah. Pakcik gua dua orang dapat masuk Malay College Kuala Kangsar, bapak gua pun dapat tawaran tapi itu time dia sakit jadi terpaksa let go. Anak pakcik gua pun dapat masuk MCKK juga. Kabel lah tu...

Oke ini memang cabaran lah, gua memang pantang dicabar.

Seperti yang gua bajet, gua dapat 4A. Gua balik rumah gembira, gembira sebab gua buktikan kat mak bapak gua, gua memang eksellen. Ha ha ha muda-muda dah bongkak.

Pendekkan cerita, semua orang happy, gua lagi happy dapat bertimbun-timbun hadiah dan duit poket, semua orang puji gua memang pandai hampir-hampir nak jadi genius, dan gua buktikan gua dapat masuk sekolah berasrama penuh a.k.a SBP. Hah!

Dapat surat tawaran daripada Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia. Woot woot!

Sekolah Menengah Sains Kuala Selangor???!!! Sekolah apa tu? Tak pernah gua dengar. Sekolah baru???!!! Kenapa bukan MCKK??!!

Gua dapat tau daripada Kementerian masa tu (bapak gua yang tanyakan) gua sebenarnya layak masuk MCKK, tapi diaorang ada kuota nak kena bagi dekat anak-anak VIP dan royalty. Hah! Terus gua hilang mood, apa barang masuk asrama pakai kabel. Tak gentle.

*******
8 September 1996.

Gua jejak kaki kat SMSKS. Ya Rabbi tempat macam gurun Sahara. Padang jarak padang tekukur.
Kecewa tu memang lah agak kecewa tapi gua tak heran sangat lah, gua ni adaptable, mana tempat lu campak gua pun gua belasah saja.

Entah mana lah gua kena campak ni

First Batch 1996.
Siapalah bengap sangat ni ambil gambar senget. Juling ke apa?!

*******
2009.

KUSESS (selepas rebranding)

Gua teringat zaman gua dekat KUSESS. Sekolah ni suatu masa dahulu memang ada satu penyakit. Sangat teruk, sangat membimbangkan. Tak tau lah sekarang ada lagi ke tak penyakit ni.

Penyakit hilang selipar.

Gua nak terangkan sikit senario ni, biar lu orang faham.

Ada lebih kurang 400 orang student lelaki dan 400 student perempuan, boleh dikatakan semua orang ada selipar masing-masing. Tapi hari-hari ada saja selipar hilang. Kita fahamlah, mungkin kadang-kadang tu ada selipar yang putus, selipar tenggelam dalam jamban penuh tahi sampai tak lalu nak seluk dalam lubang jamban tu atau selipar sama model dengan selipar orang lain lepas tu accidentally tertukar (selipar jepun umumnya).

Bila seorang dah hilang sebelah selipar atau sepasang, dia desperet lalu dia kebas orang lain punya selipar. Orang yang baru kena kebas tu pula kebas orang lain punya, dan seterusnya. Memang orang kata bertimpa-timpa. Macam rantaian makanan pula.

Janganlah lu biarkan benda ni duduk sorang-sorang, memang nahas

Dah macam-macam cara nak cuba ubat masalah ni, termasuklah sembahyang hajat, qiyamullail beramai-ramai, wujudkan rukun tetangga khas menangani masalah kehilangan selipar dan macam-macam lagi cara tersendiri mengikut kesedapan tekak individu.

Jawatankuasa Rukun Tetangga: Rakan Pencegah Kehilangan Selipar

Ini pilihan individu yang bengap; mangga tu lagi mahal dari selipar

Rangkaian kehilangan: Asrama - Surau. Itu saja. Tak ada tempat lain lagi.

Gua jumpa gambar asrama saja, gambar surau tak ada orang nak ambil. Cis!

Asrama puteri. Saja letak, port baeekk nak skodeng. Jahanam budak-budak ni

Masalah ini semakin pelik dan menular sebab:

1- Semakin banyak selipar yang hilang. Takkanlah hari-hari ada orang masuk lubang jamban?
2- Dah jadi macam trend pula hilang selipar.
3- Selipar cikgu/warden/pengetua pun boleh kena kebas di surau. Orang pergi surau buat ibadat kau jadi penyangak.
3- Mula melarat kepada benda lain; kolget, sabun mandi buku (wei geli betul kongsi sabun!), seluar track suit dan sebagainya. Spenda pun ada kes-kes terpencil tapi tak heboh sangat, nanti jatuh air muka.

Some things might be stolen, as we speak

Gua rasa rata-rata warga KUSESS memang pernah hilang selipar. Gua pun pernah. Sampai selipar Nike gua beli RM69 yang ada satu dalam sekolah pun boleh kena sapu. Lahanat betul.

Kali terakhir gua letak selipar gua macam ni lah. Memang macam ni (Gambar hiasan)

Penyakit ni menjadi lebih-lebih menyakitkan hati bila dah banyak sangat orang tak ada selipar lepas tu "pinjam" selipar member bilik atau bilik sebelah atau mana-mana yang dia sempat. Benda berpusing-pusing. Sekejap selipar gua ada kat depan bilik, tau-tau dah hilang sampai seminggu lepas tu gua nampak depan bilik Bala pula. Lepas tu hilang balik. Memang pelik.

Lu orang bayangkan, kita bukan cerita satu Kuala Lumpur ke satu daerah Kuala Selangor punya kes kehilangan selipar. Ini dalam sekolah saja. Epidemik gua saspek.

Nampak tak ada selipar tak cukup? Gua dah cakap penyakit ni kronik betul

Ada satu kali ni kes besar terjadi. Ustaz Amri punya selipar hilang di surau lepas sembahyang Maghrib. Ustaz Amri ni warden yang garang, tapi best serta disayangi semua student. Walaupun dia mengajar Pendidikan Agama Islam, dia agak rock dan sempoi.

Nak dijadikan cerita, lepas Maghrib, budak semua balik asrama. Tiba-tiba macam ada bunyi orang tempik kuat gila,"Siapa curi selipar saya?!!" gua dan budak-budak lain lantas terjun dari katil ke luar dorm. Uish Ustaz Amri mengamuk.

Ustaz Amri mengamuk sebab dah banyak kali sangat selipar dia dan warden-warden lain kena kebas. Kalau warden lain tu gua tau lah sebab apa hilang. Budak tak suka warden tu pernah lempang dia ke, atau denda dia jalan itik keliling surau 7 kali ke sambil awek-awek lalu balik sekolah nampak gelak-gelak sebab lu kena jalan itik pakai kain pelikat. Ha ha ha gua pun pernah kena denda-denda macam ni, memang rasa macam hilang macho terus. Rasa macam nak buat-buat pengsan biar warden cuak lepas tu gua dapat surat cuti balik rumah seminggu sampai orang lupa insiden tu. Baru padan muka warden tu. Tapi kalau gua buat-buat pengsan lagilah malu, hilanglah kejantanan gua, betul tak?

Amukan Ustaz Amri gagal menemukan beliau dengan selipar kesayangan yang dihadiahkan isteri beliau. Kesian. Tapi nak buat macam mana, memang dah jadi penyakit pandemik pula sekarang. Cuma vaksin Ustaz Amri mula memberi kesan kepada pembawa-pembawa penyakit ni. Semua sudah cuak, lepas tu dah tak berani nak kebas selipar orang lain secara terang-terangan.

Dah bebas penyakit. Vaksin berkesan!

Makin lama dah susah nak dengar kes hilang selipar, kalau ada kes-kes agak besar pun macam kes senior taiko hilang selipar dia baru lah kecoh kejap sebab taiko senior mengamuk suruh junior cari sampai dapat. Kalau tak dapat kena belanja aiskrim seminggu.

Dem yuh!

Random Snapshots #1

Something I found in my handphone saved images.

#1

My 3-year-old nephew. I put him to sleep, nicely done but you know how a boy roll. He's just like a koala bear, no shit.

#2

The unfortunate incident at Jaya Supermarket, Section 14 P.J. I was at Digital Mall last week to look for some printer inks and saw the scene myself. Condolences to the victims' families.

#3

You can see the excavators and other machinery from the ruins. My pray goes to the victims.

#4

Lastly, saw this notice in front of the elevator. Somebady shuold laern haw too speil it rigth.

Dem yuh!

Pagi, Buah dan Ah So (Part 2)

Gua bangun agak awal pagi ni. Jam lapan macam tu. Tapi biji mata kiri gua macam pedih aja. Macam ada biji dalam mata tu. Rimas. Gua saspek macam nak kena sakit mata. Macam time sekolah-sekolah dulu, asal malas nak pergi sekolah letak kolget lah dalam mata, ada yang tuang air bancuh tembakau lah (kepada lahanat-lahanat macam gua yang hisap rokok masa kat sekolah), ada yang sapu ubat ketiak Rexona pun ada (ini selalunya perempuan lah sebab susah nak cari rokok, kolget pula sejuk sangat nanti anak mata kecut).

Gua sms Aydan, lepas tu gua sambung tidur balik sekejap.

Bangun jam sembilan lebih sikit, mata gua memang sakit. Berair macam paip yang dah tak boleh tutup ketat. rasa macam berpasir aja dalam mata ni. Sah kena sakit mata. Tak apa lah, ini semua dugaan. Cobaaaan...

Lepas mandi dan siap-siap ala kadar pasal gua nak masuk ofis sekejap saja rasanya hari ni. Nak pergi Klinik Husin bawah ofis lepas tu mintak MC hari ni dengan esok. Sakit mata mana boleh pergi duduk dalam grup, nanti berjangkit. Lepas lunch dengan Aydan gua boleh balik rumah, lepak sampai hari Ahad. Pehh...

Dalam proses gua merempit pergi ofis, dah makin dekat gua makin rasa resah.

Nak singgah beli ke tak buah hari ni? Nak beli ke tak? Nak beli ke tak?

Hati gua ada semacam rasa nak makan buah pasal dah berapa bulan gua makan buah tiap-tiap pagi sebab nak jaga diet. Takkan sebab Ah So baru ni je gua dah nak cuak?

Dah sampai dekat traffic light CIMB gua mengharap lampu merah, boleh gua berhenti kejap sambil fikir nak singgah beli ke tak. Tapi lampu tu jeles sama gua dia warna hijau pula. Nak taknak gua kena guna teknik critical thinking yang kadang-kadang karat lebih. Nota kelas critical thinking yang Aydan kasi kat gua pun tak sempat nak belek lagi.

Ahh, singgah saja lah. Mana tau Ah So lama dah balik cuti.

Hampa.

Ah So baru sama lo kong dia juga.

"Ah So, kasi papaya, jambu sama nenas. Semua kasi potong satu kali masuk plastik. Letak asam." Gua dah malas nak ulang-ulang lagi sambil tengok Ah So baru terkial-kial, teringat time gua baru nak belajar menjahit kelas Kemahiran Hidup kat sekolah dulu.

Mungkin ini kali yang terakhir

Gua kena fikirkan benda baru yang gua boleh makan tiap pagi, yang boleh jaga diet gua.

Ah So lama lu baliklah sini cepat!

Dem yuh!

Pagi, Buah dan Ah So

Tiap-tiap pagi gua akan bangun tidur jam berapa agak susah gua nak cakap, tak tentu sangat timing otak gua ni. Kena time sihat tu bangun agak awal, kalau tengah macam-macam masalah tu terlajak, masuk ofis dah macam ofis tu bapak gua punya. Sori bos.

Bila gua bangun, gua akan golek-golek dulu, minum air kosong 500ml (bagus untuk diet), main gitar sikit (kasi naik mood) baru lah gua pergi main air dalam jamban.

Tak payah cerita detail sangat aktiviti gua dalam jamban tu, karang luorang tak keruan pula horny nanti.

Lepas siap-siap, gua pun ambil helmet, kunci motor dan turun lif. Start motor, panaskan enjin ala kadar. Naik motor pergi kerja memang mudah, sebab:

1. Boleh cilok sana sini time pagi jalan sibuk (takda la pagi sangat pun)
2. Duit petrol RM8 full tank boleh tahan seminggu atau lebih kalau gua kayuh motor tu pakai kaki sekali sekala
3. Tak payah bayar parking DBKL
4. Nak pergi beli nasi campur atau pergi bank ke boleh zass terus

Tapi susah juga kadang-kadang tu naik motor, lu orang tau saja lah:

1. Masuk ofis saja semua orang ingat ofis terbakar, padahal bau asap kereta bas apa lagi semua ada kat luar tu
2. Muka gua ni dulu daripada licin macam muka Aydan sekarang tiap dua minggu kena beli sabun cuci muka pasal dah macam-macam penyakit atas muka
3. Sekarang ni lu orang tau saja lah, cuaca memang challenging. Kalau panas gua boleh tahan lagi, ini kalau hujan macam cats and dogs omputih kata memang jahanam gua
4. Memang betul bawa motor lagi senang eksiden
5. Orang pandang serong kat gua diaorang ingat gua ni mat rempit macam yang diaorang baca dalam suratkhabar tak bertamadun Harian Metro

Oke pagi gua pergi kerja, gua akan singgah di Restoran OK. Restoran ni restoran cina, jual b-a-b-i bagai. Tapi gua tak makan b-a-b-i, busuk. Gua akan singgah beli buah kat kedai Ah So (gua tak tahu nama makcik cina ni, jadi gua panggil dia Ah So saja) sebelum gua masuk ofis.

Gua akan beli tiga jenis buah. Sebelum ni (beberapa bulan lepas) gua beli buah jambu, buah betik dan mangga. Semua RM1 sebungkus. Tapi gua tengok-tengok balik mangga tu agak sikit saja kuantiti dia lepas tu rasa pun tak berapa nak kick. Gua decide tukar mangga kepada nenas lepas tu.

Ah So dah kenal gua sangat. Dia nampak je gua sampai naik Moskito cover set d'Azurri (adik gua Suraya memang takda taste langsung, apa ke benda buat kaler tu) pakai helmet Arai putih adik gua Boboy (yang sorang ni pulak nak gaya rempit aja) dia mesti senyum lepas tu,"Helo hemsem.. Mau buah?" Ah So tahu gua ada style gua sendiri bila gua beli buah kat dia; jambu, nenas dan betik dia akan potong kecik-kecik lepas tu campur satu plastik. Taruh serbuk asam. Memang cekap. Layan. Tak payah cakap, dia terus buat untuk gua. Lepas tu gua dah bayar RM3 dia mesti cakap,"Tengkiu aa leng chai.."

Bangga juga gua, macam kalau dah kahwin lu balik rumah bini lu dah bikin daging salai masak lemak cili api ke asam tumis ikan parang ke. Tak payah request atau order. Mesti heaven kan. Macam tu lah gua rasa bila Ah So dengan pantas bungkuskan untuk gua. Cuma dia tak cukup lawa lepas tu laki dia ada kat tepi tu tengah siang kulit buah dengan pisau besar. Kalau gua mengurat Ah So mau uncle tikam gua berkali-kali nanti. Tak nak la.

Tapi dua hari kebelakangan ni gua memang frust.

*******
Semalam Ah So sama uncle takda pula. Ada apprentice baru. Ah So juga. Dengan laki dia, campur dua orang lagi tolong. EMPAT ORANG! Nak buat apa ramai ramai ni, bukan nak buka wokshop kereta.

Gua agak cemas. Macam mana ni.. Takkan gua nak kena ulang balik gua punya order. Hari-hari datang tak payah cakap apa bawak tiga ringgit saja.

Gua kuatkan hati.

"Yes boss mau apa buah?" tanya Ah So baru.

"Errkk jambu, betik, nenas.." gua rasa janggal.

Lepas tu gua nampak dia tak buat benda yang normal Ah So lama buat. Adui!

"Ah So (baru) kasi potong semua, campur satu kali, letak asam."

"Ooh okay."

Lembab betul dia. Terkial-kial. Gua resah betul, serius. Takkan hari-hari nak kena lalu benda ni?

Dia hulur plastik buah, gua hulur RM1 tiga keping, gua chow.

Hari esok gua harap Ah So lama datang kerja balik. Gua kekok betul kalau Ah So baru buat kerja.

*******
Hari ni gua masih menaruh harapan Ah So lama akan kembali beraksi.

Dari jauh selekoh CIMB lepas traffic light balai polis tu gua jenguk-jenguk.

Argghh tidak! Ah So baru lagi.

Gua kuatkan hati juga.

"Yes boss.. Mau beli buah?"

"Saya mau jambu, nenas sama betik." Saja gua tak sebut kasi potong, campur satu plastik, taruh asam. Nak test dia sikit.

"Okay." Jawab dia konfiden.

Gua perhati saja Ah So baru ni buat kerja.

Alamak dia tak potong lagi! Ah So baru buat dek saja masukkan buah-buah tu dalam bungkusan lain-lain.

"Ah So, saya mau kasi potong semua, kasi letak satu plastik saja.." nada gua agak stress.

"Oh okay okay.." Sengih-sengih lagi.

Gua rasa macam nak sound aja "Ah So kasi potong cepat laa", "Ah So lu apa pegang pisau pun tak betul, kejap pegang pisau tangan kanan kejap tangan kiri", "Ah So apa pasal sampai tiga orang mau bikin satu orang punya kerja" dan banyak lagi dalam otak gua yang gua tahan saja.

"Mau letak asam tak boss?"

Adoi ini yang panas ni. "Kasi letak la.."

Ah So baru hulur plastik sambil sengih-sengih kat gua. Gua sambar, letak RM1 tiga helai atas meja, gua cabut. Semak.

*******

Ah So lama pergi honeymoon sama uncle ke? Atau pergi tanam buah musim baru? Atau diaorang dah franchise dekat Ah So baru? Atau dia dah dapat offer kerja CIMB kat belakang tu?

Gua rasa macam dah takda hati nak beli buah kat situ lagi. Ah So lama takkan buat macam ni. Buat kerja pun pantas.

Ah So baru buat kerja macam gugup. Macam ada sorok rahsia aja gua rasa. Dia dah kidnap Ah So lama dengan uncle lepas tu jual diaorang kat Siam ke? Atau dia cakap kat Ah So lama kalau meniaga kat pasar Semenyih lagi untung?

Gua serabut fikir benda ni. Tak boleh fokus kerja. Nak kunyah buah pun dah tak lalu, terkenang kat Ah So lama.

Minta-mintalah esok Ah So lama kembali. Kalau tak, gua sanggup pergi Semenyih beli buah dekat sana.

Sempat gua lukis gambar Ah So lama kejap tadi. Buat pengubat hati. Kalau dia ada esok gua hadiahkan kat dia. Mesti dia taknak meniaga kat Semenyih lagi lepas ni.

Dem yuh!