Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Rediscover purpose

This is somehow unplanned. I am in the middle of a really hectic schedule, and this week especially is the most intense week for me. Everything I have been doing since January this year, will come to the climax; a project I am involved since day one in 2008: Eco Film Fest.

Last night I was at the Green Drinks event at The Apartment KLCC, a last-Tuesday-of-the-month event where budding environmental-conscious people gather to, drink. In fact, we (the Team) were lucky to be given a slot to to promote our final EFF2011.

After the event started we got out to KLCC to find something less overpriced to eat. Half an hour after that we walked back to the event. Just in front of the Apartment entrance, I bumped into an old friend (if I'm considered a friend), my former schoolmate. I remembered I saw her status update in some social media platform a while ago when she just got married and everyone was congratulating her and stuff. She was with her husband, and my, she's pregnant. We chatted for couple of minutes and she asked me, "do you still work for the motorsports-thingy stuff?" and I answered, "no, I'm now doing environmental education stuff. Close to four years now." A moment later we made our own way.

The highlight of the story was not meeting an old friend, but rather the fact that I have been doing environmental work for four years. I came a long way; volunteer, part time, executive, and now, the Programme Manager.

And for so long I have done a stretch of things, extending beyond just environment. I write for my blog, I learn music, I lecture, I travel, I play, I party, I everything, in the name of self-development.

However after a while, I got too attached to my works, slowly sunken in the delusional fact that the only reason we all work is for money. Nothing is working without money. My self-development went down the gutter.

And funny, just now, in fact this past month, I've been getting few comments by people I know and I don't: We don't see your writing anymore.

God, a hobby I explored out of realising how crucial it is for my future benefit, was left noticed. Last time I felt like I have the need, the responsibility to write, but now, down the gutter.

It also made me realised how I missed writing; a simple, cheap fun to entertain myself and sometimes, for better or worse, I entertained (or annoyed) others. A hobby which I used to spend seriously to develop and train my honest opinions and thinking process which involves 90% of the time pure bullcrap. Craps take a lot of effort too.

Maybe I was caught in the heat of the moment. We grow older, our drive, our strength, our youthful charm, declining while on the contrary, the world demands more from us; more work, more money, more products.

So is this all worthwhile? The chase for money - something imaginary and feel so damn real?

It made me think that what I need to do is to think of what made me feel happy, what I feel good about, without compromising my commitments and responsibilities. I need to rediscover the purpose of life, my life.

So what I'll do is, I'll start to write again. Or at least pay more attention to my belongings.

Allow me to welcome myself back.

Dem yuh!

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