Where the money at?

Back in the days (not my days, more like the 30,000 B.C kinda days to be precise) people used what we called Barter System to get something. It's the fundamental of trading. Bartering without using the money. It was all good because you trade your valuables with someone else's valuables. And the best part, it has to be mutually agreed between the two parties. Maybe if I'm the only guy who has ass-wipe towels in the town, I can barter with a goat or something. It depends on the demands. Cool isn't it?

Nowadays we use MONEY. It's controlled by CURRENCY. Those small piece of paper has value to it. Are you kidding me?

Anyway, I have a story to share. Again.

*******

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 dollars note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to choose one. The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollars note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the 100 dollars note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower. The pig grower takes the 100 dollars note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel. The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollars note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit. The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 dollars note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollars note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 dollars note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.... .

*******

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States of America is doing business today.

Dem yuh!

I have no other choice...

...but to break someone's bone(s) today. Literally.

Someone tried to con my cousin and I. Well it's not much, just 10k but the attempt to con us, the insult is unbearable.

Go lodge a report then.

You kidding?

I don't care if it's Ramadhan or not. And when I get that fucker, and believe me I will, it will be too late for him to say sorry or whatever. Fucker you better run as far as you can.

Remember this:

An eye for an eye

Dem yuh!

Prologue: Counselor In-Mobile (Kem)

I just started another project last week. This time with a consultant company. Well, I am actually involved directly with this consultant team, though I am, undeniably the smallest or the tiniest in terms of my experience and influence (not my dick). This is because the other team members consist of my highly respectable uncle who I will after this be calling him as Kem (as in 'camp' but without the 'p') as the principle, Uncle Khairuddin who is high-profile marketing extraordinaire, Mr Jamil is a corporate finance savvy and my cousin (Kem's youngest son) Jojo as the business analyst. And my humble self.

It is really awkward you see, all of them are on a different level than me. Even Jojo, who is 32-year-old now, who I really look up to whenever we did any projects together, is considered the most inexperienced and freshie to them. So you know where I stand now.

Worry not, I am well aware of this situation, I know my position as the youngest of the youngest, the ultimate inexperienced and zero influence. But that doesn't mean I can't learn anything and be as good as they are now, no?

Right now I'm just started on the simplest things; familiarising the business nature, data digestion, getting used to numbers and statistics, numbers again, business proposals, official letters, meetings, numbers, numbers and never stops.

So, what project is this?

I can't really tell here. I don't know if it's P&C. But what I can tell you is that we're providing consultation to this client of ours (I will call the client MV) for this one project. It's a PFI (Private Finance Initiative) project, worth about RM170,000,000/year.

Too many zeros? Okay, 170 million per year.

No, we're not getting that money, you crazy. It's the client. MV is proposing to the Ministry (I will call it MOH), to buy everything manage their assets in the southern region (Johor, Malacca, Negri Sembilan).

Why?

You see, the thing with the Government is, whenever something is wrong somewhere be it machine broke-down or anything related to their assets, you have to file a report, then send to some departments. Then from department to another to another until the matter gets to the minister and you still have to wait for the approval bla bla bla. Then wait for two months.

This is what we call BUREAUCRACY.

So this PFI made things faster, and easier for the Government. See, what we're doing for MV is that we structure a proposal to buy-out all of these assets and equipments from MOH. Then after that, the Government doesn't need to go through all these silly things. They just have to pay the service to MV every month, instead of maintaining their assets and equipments, which they suck at. So after this when something needs to be done, MV will straight away fix it and then bill it to the Government later, so they don't have to wait to repair anything important if you know what I mean. Other than that the Government will have to pay a fixed monthly service charge to MV. Easy.

What I am trying to say here is that, besides being a business development officer, I am also the runner for this company, to send letters, to send Kem to appointments etc (mentang-mentang lah gua paling junior). But it's all right, I believe that if I wanna be really good, I have to start from scratch. I've always believed that. Plus, Kem is a maestro at what he does. And he's my father's elder brother. What's there not to listen to?

So this time whenever I send Kem anywhere, I will ask him something. Anything. About business, economy, life, money, passion, anything. In fact, I've sent him two times already and yes I managed to learn something.

What have I learned?

Next time.

This is why it's called, Prologue: Counselor In-Mobile.


Dem yuh!

Separa dongeng.

Hari ini gua rasa macam nak bercerita. Atau sekurang-kurangnya gua nak buat cerita. Tengoklah mood gua. Kalau tengok mood memang tak nampaklah, mood gua ini pemalu sikit dia jarang nak menjelmakan dirinya. Macam tuannya juga. Anyway gua memang suka buat lawak bodoh serta lame, ini blog gua suka hati gua nak tulis apa. Lu tak puas hati lu tulis la blog lu sendiri.

Oke jadi apakah topik yang gua nak bercerita hari ini. Hari ini 1 Jun 2009. Apa yang best sangat bulan Jun ini? Best sebab besday ibunda gua bulan Jun. Lain? Dah hampir setengah tahun berlalu. Apa yang gua dah buat? Gua nak checklist hidup gua sekejap. Mungkin lu orang pun patut buat benda yang sama. Mana tahu dah terlalai ke terlajak ke apa ke kan.

Lebih kurang 150 hari tahun ini sudah berlalu, gua sedar:

1. Berat badan gua bertambah 1 kilogram berbanding bulan Januari 2009. Banyak tu. Kalau setiap 5 bulan berat gua bertambah sekilo, mungkin berat gua jadi 200 paun dalam masa 30 tahun akan datang. Masa tu gua boleh la berlakon jadi hero filem Starlesterol Wars Episode 12. Watak gua nama Obi-Wa Gemokni.

Target gua menjelang Wawasan 2020

2. Kaki kiri gua pendek 1 sentimeter sejak bulan September 2006. Gua mula-mula agak lega juga ingatkan boleh dapat kad pengenalan khas O.K.U banyak kelebihannya. Tapi lawyer gua baru-baru ni cakap kalau mahkamah nak declare kaki gua cacat kena pendek 1 inci bersamaan 2.54 sentimeter. Ada balance 1.54 sentimeter lagi kena pendekkan. Gua fikir-fikir balik, takpelah. Sakit woo kaki pendek. Tapi ada orang cakap gua sesuai catwalk. Akan dipertimbangkan.

Bos gua memang memahami kekurangan yang gua hadapi

3. Gua dah berumur. Bak kata Adik Pijat, umur semakin tambah, rambut semakin kurang. Takpelah gua syukur saja. Tuhan itu Maha Adil. Kalau nak muka hemsem (Aydan yang ajar eja macam ni, jangan salahkan gua), rambut lurus macam iklan syampu Sunsilk tapi otak macam burung unta, takpelah gua tak heran. Perempuan sekarang mintak yang bukan-bukan. Nak yang kaya, nak itu nak ini. Six-pack? Shape? I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Gua taknak banyak, ini je syarat gua. Siapa nak isi borang?

4. Buku akaun bank gua masih single digit. Kalau nombor plat kereta single digit boleh juga gua jual kat ahli politik puluh-puluhan ribu. Mana lah pergi semua harta gua. Time-time macam ni lah 'kawan-kawan' semua hilang. Hampir semua. Yang tinggal hanyalah sahabat-sahabat. Tapi tak mengapa itu semua dunia. Tapi yang best dalam facebook beratus pulak kawan gua. Ntah siapa-siapa lah. Ada yang gua nampak sampai beribu-ribu. Lepas tu boleh main jual-beli pulak. Kalau gua kena jual macam dalam cerita 3 Abdul, agak-agak berapa harga gua. AMPAT RIBU PAUN?! WOW, ANA KAYA!

Sebab utama gua fobia dengan amalan menabung

5. Gua tak ada fahaman politik. Bagi gua politik kat Malaysia memang macam Zionis. Kata je demi rakyat lah apa lah lu kasi isi perut lu sampai jadi Firaun lagi bagus. Zaman dahulu Firaun ada seorang je, tapi sekarang ni bersepah yang berlumba-lumba nak jadi Firaun. Lahanat-lahanat ini tak dapat jadi Firaun dapat jadi tukang pegang payung Firaun kat akhirat pun jadi lah gua rasa. Tapi gua rasa macam nak jadi ahli politik. Ramai sangat orang nak jadi ahli politik, gua pun macam teruja juga. Boleh dapat datuk-ship sebelum berat gua jadi 200 paun.

Siapa-siapa ada kawan muka macam Firaun in?

6. Pasukan kegemaran gua Red Devils masih gagah dengan beberapa trofi kebangsaan dan juga antarabangsa. Walaupun tewas kepada Barcelona (gua respect sama ini team sebab diaorang memang bagus) minggu lepas, kekalahan yang memedihkan itu JAUH lebih mulia daripada pasukan-pasukan bongkak lain yang terpaksa tengok game itu kat televisyen. Cerita poyo bagai, sudahlah. Tak perlu gua nak sebut nama-nama pasukan itu, buat rosak blog gua je. Gua masih tak faham kenapa penyakit ABU (Anything But United) boleh wujud. Lu sama lu, gua sama gua, lu jangan berbulu sama gua.

Gay pun gay lah. Gua peduli apa

7. Sahabat-sahabat rapat gua ramai yang sudah settled down. Ramai kalau gua nak mention kat sini. Banyak gila kad jemputan yang gua tak sempat nak pergi sapa lagi gua pun dah tak boleh nak recall. Minta maaf kepada yang gua tak dapat hadir tu. Dan semakin ramai juga yang bakal berumah serta melepaskan batuk di tangga; Ami & Yaya, Bala & Fara, Aryll & Nurul, Amat & Yash, dan ramai lagi takkan habis gua nak tulis. Siapa taknak kahwin doh. Package dengan nikah sekali lah. Bila pulak lah masa gua nak sampai nanti. Nak tunggu ke, nak mencari ke, nak macam mana eh? Banyak sangat nasihat percuma yang gua dapat sampai gua pun tak tahu nak ikut yang mana satu. Gua kalau dah sampai masa, kahwin kat Narathiwat pun gua takde hal. Jodoh, betul tak? Ke ada siapa-siapa nak melawan Qada' & Qadar? Nak kena sambar petir?

To whom it may concern...

Tamatlah sebuah cerita separa dongeng.


Dem yuh!

Mesej Dari Jauh

Gua dapat emel dari seorang kawan lama. Lama juga gua tak jumpa dia. Gua busy, dia pun busy. Kitorang bukan buat-buat busy, ini betul punya. Dia pon tinggal jauh juga, Amerika Syarikat sana. Dia ni kerja keras orangnya, multitasker. Siang dia kerja keluarkan Warren kat pesalah-pesalah trafik yang tak bayar saman, malam pula dia organise Buffett dekat kawasan taman perumahan dia, New York kalau tak salah gua.

Dia cerita kat gua pasal masalah eco-no-money kat Amerika sekarang ni. Banyak syarikat lingkup, bank dah takda duit nak bagi rakyat pinjam, orang bunuh diri sebab tertekan, hutang keliling pinggang, macam-macam. Dan Malaysia secara dasarnya akan terkena tempias eco-no-money lebih kurang enam bulan ke setahun selepas negara-negara maju yang lain. Itu pasal Malaysia baru terasa kemelesetan tu sejak beberapa bulan lepas, padahal negara-negara maju lain (konsep negara maju ini berdasarkan terjemahan ensaiklopedia, bukan cyclops) sudah dilanda kecelakaan itu sejak awal tahun 2008.

Untuk tidak bercerita panjang lebar pasal gua pun macam bosan baca tulisan gua sendiri, kawan gua yang hanya mahu dikenali dengan nama samaran berdasarkan pekerjaan dwi-harian beliau iaitu Warren Buffett pesan benda-benda berikut sempena mengharungi tahun 2009 yang sungguh radikal. Beliau emel gua dalam Bahasa Penjajah dan gua pun sedikit sebanyak dah ter-westernized pula.

Hard work: All hard work bring a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Laziness: A sleeping lobster is carried away by the water current.

Earnings: Never depend on a single source of income. (At least make your Investments get you second earning)

Spending: If you buy things you don't need, you'll soon sell things you need.

Savings: Don't save what is left after spending; Spend what is left after saving.

Borrowings: The borrower becomes the lender's slave.

Accounting: It's no use carrying an umbrella, if your shoes are leaking.

Auditing: Beware of little expenses; A small leak can sink a large ship.

Risk-taking: Never test the depth of a river with both feet. (Have an alternate plan ready)

Investment: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Sempat dia hantar gambar posing maut dia kat gua. Narsisistik!

Jadi, cubalah jadikan amalan kepada sesiapa yang baca mesej dari jauh ni. Semoga kita masih hidup dan terus hidup dan tidak menyusahkan orang lain.

Dem yuh!

10 Careers that Top USD30 per Hour

Apparently the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that there are 10 careers that can secure the income of USD60,000 or more, annually. USD60,000 annually is equal to USD30 per hour. Or it's like RM100/hour in Malaysia. I know I can't compare it straight forward because of the currency exchange, bla bla bla. But this is just a comparison of the jobs with the pay these people get. Don't understand? Read more below.

It is also reported by the U.S. Census Bureau that the latest figure for median household income in the U.S. is at $50,233 (in Bahasa Melayu it is called pendapatan per kapita). Do you know what is our household median income or pendapatan per kapita bagi rakyat Malaysia?

From the source of Berita Harian for Bajet 2009:

"Pendapatan per kapita pula dijangka berkembang 5.6 peratus mencecah AS$17,549 (2008: 14.7 peratus; AS$16,617). "

Source - Berita Harian


So here are the 10 careers that secured USD30/hour in the U.S.A:


1. Database Administrator
Mean Hourly Wage: $33.78
Salary: $70,260

2. Registered Nurse

Mean Hourly Wage: $30.04
Salary: $62,480

3. Technical Writer
Median Hourly Wage: $30.18
Salary: $62,780

4. Fashion Designer
Median Hourly Wage: $34.22
Salary: $71,170

5. Accountant
Median Hourly Wage: $30.11
Salary: $62,640

6. Environmental Scientist
Median Hourly Wage: $30.71
Salary: $63,870

7. K-12 Curriculum Designer
Median Hourly Wage: $30.87
Salary: $64,220

8. Dental Hygienist
Mean Hourly Wage: $31.21
Salary: $64,910

9. Detectives and Criminal Investigators
Median Hourly Wage: $30.05
Salary: $62,500

10. Television Producer
Median Hourly Wage: $31.66
Salary: $65,850

I mean, WHAT???!!! This is a fucking joke isn't it? Really, if we put aside the currency rate, bla bla bla all those capitalist bullshits, are we going to get paid RM62,500/year to be a detective? I would be a fucking nurse if I get paid RM62,000/year.

Here, we still get shit pays. RM4/hour? A serious fucking joke.

Check out the article HERE!

Dem yuh!

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Dem yuh!