Rediscover purpose

This is somehow unplanned. I am in the middle of a really hectic schedule, and this week especially is the most intense week for me. Everything I have been doing since January this year, will come to the climax; a project I am involved since day one in 2008: Eco Film Fest.

Last night I was at the Green Drinks event at The Apartment KLCC, a last-Tuesday-of-the-month event where budding environmental-conscious people gather to, drink. In fact, we (the Team) were lucky to be given a slot to to promote our final EFF2011.

After the event started we got out to KLCC to find something less overpriced to eat. Half an hour after that we walked back to the event. Just in front of the Apartment entrance, I bumped into an old friend (if I'm considered a friend), my former schoolmate. I remembered I saw her status update in some social media platform a while ago when she just got married and everyone was congratulating her and stuff. She was with her husband, and my, she's pregnant. We chatted for couple of minutes and she asked me, "do you still work for the motorsports-thingy stuff?" and I answered, "no, I'm now doing environmental education stuff. Close to four years now." A moment later we made our own way.

The highlight of the story was not meeting an old friend, but rather the fact that I have been doing environmental work for four years. I came a long way; volunteer, part time, executive, and now, the Programme Manager.

And for so long I have done a stretch of things, extending beyond just environment. I write for my blog, I learn music, I lecture, I travel, I play, I party, I everything, in the name of self-development.

However after a while, I got too attached to my works, slowly sunken in the delusional fact that the only reason we all work is for money. Nothing is working without money. My self-development went down the gutter.

And funny, just now, in fact this past month, I've been getting few comments by people I know and I don't: We don't see your writing anymore.

God, a hobby I explored out of realising how crucial it is for my future benefit, was left noticed. Last time I felt like I have the need, the responsibility to write, but now, down the gutter.

It also made me realised how I missed writing; a simple, cheap fun to entertain myself and sometimes, for better or worse, I entertained (or annoyed) others. A hobby which I used to spend seriously to develop and train my honest opinions and thinking process which involves 90% of the time pure bullcrap. Craps take a lot of effort too.

Maybe I was caught in the heat of the moment. We grow older, our drive, our strength, our youthful charm, declining while on the contrary, the world demands more from us; more work, more money, more products.

So is this all worthwhile? The chase for money - something imaginary and feel so damn real?

It made me think that what I need to do is to think of what made me feel happy, what I feel good about, without compromising my commitments and responsibilities. I need to rediscover the purpose of life, my life.

So what I'll do is, I'll start to write again. Or at least pay more attention to my belongings.

Allow me to welcome myself back.


Dem yuh!

Success vs Failure

"Success comes to those who are not afraid to fail." - Benny Gold

I wonder how many people like to talk about failure. Or comfortable discussing it. Or rather, admit that once (or more), they too faced it. It is a jinx. Like what "Laws of Attraction" or even the 'great' Paulo Coelho must have brainwashed you, you never speak of negativity, or "the universe shall conspire and helping you to achieve it," in this case, FAILURE.

Imagine if you don't feel too good about yourself physically, you go to a physician, and run some tests, and see what's wrong with your physical. And then the expert says, "you have a flu." Then what would you do or say, "That's impossible doc, I never asked for it." Deny it?

Who ever ask to fall sick? Who ever ask to get injured? Who EVER ask to face failure?

The thing about failure is, it will always come to you. You will keep bumping on it. Whether you like it or not, more dramatically whether you're prepared, or not. Failure is natural. It's like a preset system that comes to you when your system runs in a strange way. It's an indicator that you need to run your system differently, or fix it. It is natural. It keeps the balance. It keeps the yin and yang.

The secret to success, is, to discuss failure; to admit, to examine, to recover, and to improve.

Just remember, there's around 7 billion people in this world, and every one of them have been through failure(s), even the most successful person must have gone through failures.

Some people believe that if you get "F" for your exam, you failed, but some sets a high standard that a mere "A-" is a failure. I'm sure even Bill Gates can't play basketball like I do. So is he a failure? To me he is. But is basketball important to him? Certainly not. It's about what is important and what is not.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill

Life is unexpected, regardless of the span. So get go, do what you do, find a reason to love it, keep doing it. Failure is the four corners of your wall, but fuck it. Smash it.



Dem yuh!

That kind of man.

In a brief conversation, a woman asked a man she was pursuing the question:

"What kind of man do you want to be?"

He sat quietly for a moment before looking her in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, she said, "Yes."

He began to expound:

"As a man in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a woman what can I do for you that you cannot do for yourself?

I can pay the bills. I take care of the household without the help of any woman.... or man for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, "What else can I bring to the table?"

The woman looked at him. Clearly she thought that he was referring to money.

He quickly corrected her thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more."

"I need to be a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life."

She sat back in her chair, folded her arms, and asked him to explain.

He said:

"I need to be someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I cannot be a simple-minded man.

I need to be someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked. Believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need to be a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I need to be someone who is sensitive enough to understand what a woman go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep her grounded.

I need to be someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need to be a man who is family-oriented. The one who can be the leader and provider to the lives entrusted to me by God.

I need to be someone who respects his woman. In order to be the leader, I must earn her respect.

I cannot be a leader to a woman who does not respect me.

I have no problem respecting a woman, she just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for her. She will find me. She will recognize herself in me. She may not be able to explain the connection, but she will always be drawn to me. God made man to be a leader for woman. I can't guide a woman if I can't guide myself."

When he finished his spill, he looked at her.

She sat there with a puzzled look on her face.

She said, "You expect a lot."

He replied, "I'm worth a lot."


Then he asked her, "Now, what kind of woman do you want to be?"


Dem yuh!

However, whoever, whatever.

Live your life however you want, but know one day you will die.
Love whoever you desire, but know one day you will split.
Do whatever you wish, but know one day you will be tried for every actions.

1010101010


Dem yuh!

Change.

I haven't been writing for quite some time. Don't know why, neither what has been running through my mind lately, nor why nothing has been running through my mind. Don't really care either.

I've been talking to many people about many things, sharing equal amount of agreements as well as arguments.

So far, none is interesting enough for me to write back, or worth commenting here, not that they were boring, most of the conversations were interesting but rather unmoving. It left no impact to what I'm going through now, my real situation. To me, it's like looking at a big, beautiful house. You can imagine how wonderful it would be if you actually own that house (in present dream or future) with so many things you can do or fill it up with, but you know you don't want to live there, you can't imagine yourself living there, because it's not you, it's not who you really are, it's not what you want to be.

Maybe because works have taken so much energy from me that every time before I fall to sleep, I keep thinking about the next day. I'm not complaining about it, frankly, it's what we should be doing. Really. Otherwise, what are we going to do everyday? Daydream? Work smart, not work hard? I don't believe that. Do what you are passionate about? I think 90% of people who I had conversation with, always telling me about their passion about certain things (please exclude 'sex' as one of the points in this conversation) but are doing something on the contrary.

Why is that?

Speaking of daydream, Shaq and I had our routine chit-chat at home this one night, and it was Merdeka Eve. So I told him to write something from the word "M E R D E K A", and so did I. After a few minutes, he said:

Most Extraordinary Ridiculous Daydream Ever Kills Action.

Word.

Everybody daydream. But can I daydream all the time? Will anything change if I daydream all the time? Will I get rich? Can a tall building possibly appear all of the sudden, if ten thousand people daydream about building the tall building, all at the same time? But if these ten thousands each help place one brick a day according to the construction plan, imagine what will happen in one year. Now that's action.

Change.

Everybody says change is so great, but what so great about change?

Here's my piece of mind:

Survival of the fittest is not about being fit; It is about being adaptable to CHANGE.

If President Barack Obama earned his presidency seat from his campaign "HOPE", I will earn mine with "CHANGE".

Well, unless if he steals mine after reading my blog.


Dem yuh!

Jalan singkat ke kubur.

"Dah siap ke belum? Nanti lambat sampai pula. Dah nak hujan ni."

Gua terhegeh-hegeh betulkan kain samping. Alah, raya ni. Mestilah nak segak lebih sikit. "Dah Papa. Tunggu si Boy tu saja. Dia yang lembab," gua seperti biasa kalau hal lembab memang ada mangsa tetap untuk disalahkan.

***

Bangah memandu. Gua di kerusi co-pilot. Papa, Kangah, Kenit dan Boy di belakang. Memang macam sardin, nasib baik naik V6.

Mama tak ikut, masih sibuk memasak kat rumah. Kalau tidak seorang memang kena baring atas bumbung.

Boot belakang tak boleh buka, baru-baru ni ada penyamun cuba umpil, habis rosak lubang kunci. Nak repair macam bukan masa yang sesuai, maklumlah Raya dah dekat masa tu, duit dah habis tanggung benda-benda lain, kata Bangah masa gua sedang sibuk-sibuk nak letak barang-barang di belakang kereta. Memang penuhlah bawah kaki dengan beg, botol air, kasut, suratkhabar, macam-macam lagi. Sabar sajalah...

"Kita nak ikut jalan mana satu ni?" Bangah tanya.

"Mana-mana pun boleh. Biasa kita ikut NKVE. Tapi kalau ikut Guthrie terus sampai, ikut jalan belakang." Papa beri cadangan. "Cuma Guthrie tu kita tak biasa ikut, Papa ingat-ingat lupa jalan dia."

"Saya ingat rasanya Papa," kata Bangah.

"Okaylah kalau kau ingat. Ikut Guthrie lah."

***

"Lu nak ikut Guthrie ke Bangah?" gua tanya nak confirmation.

"Ye lah kot."

"Kita nak masuk ikut mana?"

"Ikut Bukit Jelutong la kot. Ermm.." Bangah macam tak confident pula bunyinya.

"Kenapa tak ikut jalan biasa saja? Senang sikit rasanya. Tapi kalau lu nak ikut Guthrie pun takda hal. Cuma gua tak sure jalan tu. kalau lu on, gua on," gua seperti biasa lagi, tak kisah sangat.

"Hmm.. Gua takda hal kalau nak ikut NKVE, sama je kot. Guthrie dekat sikitlah rasanya, itu saja."

"Okaylah macam tu kita ikut Guthrie. Cepat sikit kita sampai kubur."


Terdiam.


Bangah pandang gua, "Lain macam lu punya ayat tu bro. Gua taknak 'cepat sampai kubur'."

Gua hampir tersedak bila gua flashback ayat gua tadi.

"Wow, that was really awkward," gua separuh tersengih. "Okaylah, kita ikut NKVE. Gua pun taknak 'cepat sangat sampai kubur'."

"Hahaha."

***

Berhati-hatilah semasa memandu di jalan raya, terutamanya di musim perayaan seperti sekarang.

• Walaupun Ops Sikap tiap-tiap tahun dijalankan sebagai peringatan kepada pengguna-pengguna jalan raya yang rata-ratanya rela disaman daripada sampai lambat ke destinasi.
• Walaupun pengendali lebuhraya berbelanja besar meningkatkan mutu serta tahap keselamatan lebuhraya masing-masing walaupun ia bersifat sementara.
• Walaupun anda telah minum empat tin Red Bull yang berpotensi merosakkan hati dan buah pinggang serta sudah tidur 20 jam sebelum memulakan perjalanan.
• Walaupun memandu dengan mematuhi had laju serta undang-undang di jalan raya walaupun anda tidak tahu undang-undang jalan raya kerana memiliki lesen terbang.

Teori dia masih sama: makin sesak sesuatu tempat itu, makin tinggilah peluang sesuatu kecelakaan akan berlaku. Tak percaya? Cuba tengok protes jalanan, cuba tengok konsert mega. Sekarang, gandakan seratus (dianggarkan lebih 1.4 juta kenderaan sehar menggunakan lebuh raya di musim perayaan).

Lagipun semua orang dah kenyang makan lemang, makan rendang, makan lontong bagai, memanglah kebas satu badan.


Cilakak!

Nota kaki: Gua tak sampai hati nak letak gambar atau video orang kena langgar, sakit woo. Gua tau lah, gua pernah kena langgar.

M E R D E K A

Misi Elak Rakyat Daripada Erti Kemerdekaan Anasir

Unconquerable, undefeated.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever God's may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley (1849 - 1903)

***

The poem is called Invictus, a Latin word that means "unconquerable, undefeated". This is a poem where the President of South Africa, The Honorable Nelson "Madiba" Mandela held on to, for 27 years of imprisonment at Robben Island.

Actually I saw the film "Invictus" last night. It was directed by a man who needs no further introduction in the film industry, Clint Eastwood. The film is based by the book Playing the Enemy: Nelson Mandela and the Game That Changed a Nation by John Carlin.

This film is as inspirational as any inspiration could ever be. Gosh I can still feel the goosebumps, even greater than Barack Obama's Presidential Victory Speech in November 2008.

Please spare some time to watch this short documentary of Nelson Mandela during the 1995 Rugby World Cup in South Africa.

The documentary was narrated by Morgan Freeman, and he eventually landed the role of Madiba himself in the film. Matt Damon played the role of Francois Pienaar, the captain of South Africa 'Springboks' rugby team that won the historical 1995 Rugby World Cup.

This is a film where you see, and you start to think how patriotic you are for your country, for your people. We should take learn many lessons from this film, as this is a film we should all see, and let other people see too; our people, our country, our nation, our 1Malaysia.

I thank whatever God's may be
For my unconquerable soul.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul...

I will definitely gonna watch this film over and over again.

Dem yuh!

"The world of a few will be awkward if I stop talking."
-Budak Nakal

How (in)Significant We Are.

Check this link out:

How Significant We Are.

It's a blog written by MR.AZ @ Jason Mraz. What the hell were we thinking when we thought that we are so big, or powerful, or SIGNIFICANT? I say, how insignificant we are.

Like Jason himself quoted,

"Wake up to the WTF of it all and enjoy the ride."

If you are rich today, so be it. If you are not, so what? Same goes to everything else.

We live because of a higher purpose. We ought to seek what it is, so that we know what to do. We need to remember who we were, before we decide what we want to be.

Remember, at the end of the day, when you are at the corner of the hardest/worst/roughest situation(s), you have only YOURSELF to look after you. So why bother listen to what other people want you to do ALL THE TIME?

So do what you gotta do, and leave the rest to GOD.

Dem yuh!