Monday, November 30, 2009

November Girl of The Month: Kristen Stewart

I wanna try and start this entry, every month. Every end of the month, precisely.

Simple; my Girl of The Month. Hence, the title of the entry.

Last month should have been Megan Fox for her role in Jennifer's Body. Read my obsession about her HERE.

This month: Kristen Stewart.

My first encounter with her was in that movie Panic Room alongside Jodie Foster. It was an innocuous movie for me, so to say.

But last year, I watched this one movie called Twilight. I didn't know anything about it (that it was based on a best-selling novel series by Stephanie Meyer) until after I watched it. I like vampire stuff though, so this movie was not bad.

Every girls were talking about Robert Pattinson a.k.a Edward Cullen in that movie. So gay. I like Bella Swan. The first time I see her in Twilight, instantly she reminds me of someone; the mystery in her face, the quirkiness, the clumsiness, introverted, but deep inside she's a very strong person, and stubborn too.

I know a lot of people don't like her, in fact, one too many. Girls especially, they think she don't deserved to be smooching and ass-groped by The Uber-Gay Vampire. I couldn't be bothered. I don't care what people has got to say about her. Envious maggots. I think she's very calming and real. Not too gorgeous-looking yet sweet, cold yet passionate. More like a perfect girl-next-door kinda feel.

Fuck I couldn't find the best picture to justify her personification. Anyway, these are some of hers, in no particular order.

Emo-punkish look

Mysterious

Very calming

Perfect girl-next-door

Awfully beautiful

Strikingly killing

Yeah baby bend them pelvic bone over!

Fiercely gorgeous

I don't know why but I love her with short hair

And she pipes too!

See you soon, in New Moon, Bella.

Dem yuh!

Nothing lasts forever,

even cold November rain.

Somehow I bumped into this song last night. Classic, epic and one of the most influential songs for me when I was younger. *jiwang*

I remember, back in the days, every start (or end) of November, I'll play this song on my computer, phone or by guitar. This year, I almost missed it. Almost.

What a way to end the last day of November. Guns N' Roses, everybody. *claps*



When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever and we both know hearts can change

And it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain


We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
Yeah..

But lovers always come and lovers always go

And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today

Walking away

If we could take the time to lay it on the line

I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine

All mine


So if you wanna love me then darlin' don't refrain

Or I'll just end up walkin' in the cold November rain


Do you need some time on your own?

Do you need some time all alone?

Everybody needs some time on their own

Don't you know you need some time all alone?


I know it's hard to keep an open heart

When even friends seem out to harm you

But if you could heal a broken heart

Wouldn't time be out to charm you


Sometimes I need some time on my own

Sometimes I need some time all alone

Everybody needs some time on their own

Don't you know you need some time all alone?


And when your fears subside and shadows still remain

I know that you can love me when there's no one left to blame

So never mind the darkness we still can find a way

'Cause nothin' lasts forever even cold November rain


Don't ya think that you need somebody

Don't ya think that you need someone

Everybody needs somebody

You're not the only one

You're not the only one


Don't ya think that you need somebody

Don't ya think that you need someone

Everybody needs somebody


*******

Yes, nothing lasts forever. But remember, live and love like there will be no more tomorrow.


Dem yuh!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The truth about Spongebob Squarepants (on the weekends)



Yep kiddos, he's just like us. Well I'm not sure if he's human figuratively, but hey, he's done the BONG, so yeah we'll accept him into our world.

But one sweet reminder:

Just go for Au Naturale


Have a great weekend, because I know I am



Dem yuh!


p/s- Spongebong and Hashtrick did mention "Malaysia" in one of the clips. Seriously I'm not kidding. Try listen to it carefully. MALAYSIA BOLEH KOT! 1Malaysia!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Juicy love?

Remember a few days ago I had this one experiment + survey about good morning drinks. Tried again two days ago.

This time;

Who wants some pulpy, tasty fresh juicy love? (Version 18SX)

BETTER than Nescafe Ais tin biru macam cantik tapi rasa haram.

But there's a catch; my throat felt very the kelat one, the after-taste I mean. Shit I don't know what kelat is in English. Aren't we suppose to learn somewhat 10 new words everyday? I'm such an ignorant fuck. But the kelat tasted like a morning French kiss with your partner before you brush your teeth. Sexy.

Not the best though. The drink I mean, not the French kiss. Still in search of the best morning drink from a convenient store not very nearby from your house.


Dem yuh!

p/s- Selamat berperang esok dengan lembu-lembu, unta padang pasir, serta haiwan-haiwan berkaki empat yang sudah baligh.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Battle at The Berrics 2: Chris Cole vs Paul Rodriguez

The Championship Match between Chris Cole vs Paul Rodriguez for the Battle of The Berrics 2 finally took place. Both internationally renowned skaters took on a gruesome game of SKATE.

Frankly, I've never seen anybody landed so many tricks in a battle like both of them did. Both of them were (still are) CRAZY.

My vote goes to P-Rod but let's see who's gonna win.

Check it out!




Dem yuh!

The best Tuesday night

I'm still in the office.

I have too many things to work on now.

Too many.

Day time; advertising, public relation, environment, national campaign, motorsports, charity, give me more.

Free time; fitness, piano, guitar, producing, basketball, futsal, writing, reading, partying, give me give me more.


The most challenging time; attitude, incompetency, ignorance, irresponsible, selfish, inconsiderate, stupid, give me give me give me more.

Luckily the only thing that I'm holding on now to is:

LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW.


Dem yuh!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Monday morning drink

Good morning fellas.

What's so good about it?

Be positive people, be positive.

So this is the story.

I've been waking up as early as 6 a.m. for the past few weeks. The first few days were HELL. My boss rang on me and tell us (my housemate Zaha and I) to come down at 8. Seriously, I was a disaster when it comes to waking up early.

A few days after that, I was doing much better; I wake up at my own accord, I even go to gym few times a week in the morning, get a fresh start and all, breakfast and go to work earlier than what I used to for the last two years. Seriously.

Today I even walked almost a mile to a convenient store to grab something to drink, I felt like drinking something. Actually there's a closer convenient store, in fact it's just down my apartment's block, but I thought a morning walk would be very healthy and inspiring for me, so yeah I walked, inhaling smokes from different levels of RONs and diesel while crossing heavy traffics. For a drink.

And so I arrived. I went straight to the cold storage section and I see tonnes of drinks. Dairies, juices, coffees, carbonated, alcos, you tell me.

Shit this is hard for me to choose. It's like going in to a porn shop, you go to the "Video" section, and you wish to buy only one DVD. Amateur, Hardcore, Erotic, MILF, Asian, Latina, Teen, cock-knows-what other categories. In the morning.

So finally I took one drink, after about 5 minutes looking like an idiot who can't decide on ONE drink.

Tadaa...

Nescafe ice

NOT NICE! The drink failed to make me believe that today will be a good start for the whole week for me. Baaaaad choice.

You see, it's not easy to get the right drink to drink in the morning. Will somebody please tell me, what's the best drink to get from a convenient store, for your 8-in-the-Monday-morning booster?

Or shall I ask, what's the best porn DVD (category) to get from a porn shop, for your 8-in-the-Monday-morning perusal?



Dem yuh!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Don't TELL anybody...

I was interviewed by TELL Magazine.

He he he.

This thing happened a while ago. Can't remember, July maybe? I found these pictures while I was browsing, cleaning my laptop's hard-disk space. I need more space to add more porn.

Nothing much to tell, I was called to be interviewed on my sneakers collection, which was (and still is) embarrassing because my collection sucks balls. Can a 30-or-so pairs can be considered as A COLLECTION?

NO.

But I think it's okay to me, since I am passionate about it, and my collections are intimate and sort of a personal to me; I only buy what I really like not just for the sake of adding up to my collection. I used to have like over 50 pairs few years ago, when I never thought of other commitments and just spend I-don't-care-if-I-don't-eat kinda mentality. On a brighter side, my collection is over 5% of the DJ AM's 900++ sneakers collection, not bad considering I am not Nicole Ritchie's fiance nor I am a DJ. It's on a charity auction by the way, CLICK HERE.

It's nine in the Sunday morning now, I just don't wanna write longer. I'm going out soon for another weekend-fixer.

Yes you can enlarge by click, just like my dick!

Good Morning, People.

Yes, not only WOMEN.

His Royal Naughtyness

One of the Komodo Ninja Hype Clan, Kwee Jin was guilty as charged too

Blah blah blah yada yada yada.


I had to scan the magazine pages.

There were plenty of typos in the article i.e the name of the shoes, MY OWN NAME, and some misleading on the information. But fuck it people just don't really care about anything these days anyway. Plus the interviewer was really cute (even though she's married - that's what she told me - demmit is that a way to tell me to FUCK OFF?) so I cut her some slacks.




Dem yuh!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Cool Covers: Kanye West - Stronger

I am super busy at the moment. I have like tonnes of projects I need to work on in advance, so that I can have my end-of-year getaway without any interruption. I'm juggling every work I have on my plate in hoping that I'll be a better worker and a better person. Like, much better than who and what I am now.

Well I don't wanna dwell into that now.

I can't think of anything good to write now. Mind's been thinking about work, and some personal matters. Might as well share some good music on a Thursday afternoon.

Cool covers.

This time, it's a song by Kanye "The Louis Vuitton Don" West - Stronger.

Poyo lah kau ni mamat.

The song was originally made by Daft Punk - Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger.

Memang gila stylo dua ekor mamat ni.

Daft Punk made electro dance music to that song.

Kanye West made electro/hip-hop/R&B to that song.

Recently (but not so recent), 30 Seconds To Mars, led by jambu-faced frontman Jared Leto, did a total awesome remake on the Stronger song. Yes, it was done at BBC Radio 1's Live Lounge with Jo Whiley.

Men are from Mars.

I can't write longer, I need to get back to my works. Listen to all three versions, and tell me what you think.

Remember, be open to new ideas.


Gila crajee siot lagu ni. Terbaeeekkk...


Let's get lost tonight.

And lastly, this is the one done by 30 Seconds To Mars.


Fucking cool, isn't it?


See, if we just be creative and open up. Enjoi.


Dem yuh!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Holy Grail

Bukan. Gua bukan nak cerita pasal cawan Nabi Isa A.S. atau cerita The Da Vinci Code mahupun band kanak-kanak Code Red (siot dalam Wikipedia pun tak ada cerita, gila sampah).

Gua nak cerita pasal gua punya Holy Grail.

Maka ini adalah Holy Grail gua.



Nama dia ialah Nike Air Jordan Retro 4 x Undefeated (M-AJ4).

Apa pasal belakang nama kasut tu ada "x Undefeated"?

Maksudnya kasut itu ialah kolaborasi di antara jenama Air Jordan dan Undefeated.

Apa benda Undefeated ni? Siapa pula yang tidak terkalahkan?

Undefeated ialah sebuah kedai/jenama pakaian gaya hidup jalanan (lifestyle streetwear) yang terlokasi di Los Angeles, Amerika sana.

Mampus nak cari dekat mana ni. Gua ada jumpa dalam internet itu hari tahun sudah, harga dia boleh buat down payment rumah.

Berapa ringgit sampai boleh buat down payment rumah?

4 ribu. Bukan Ringgit Malaysia, tapi Dolar Amerika. Ludah Amerika (promote Hujan sikit).

Tapi itu tahun sudah punya harga. Tahun sekarang gua tak pasti. Mungkin 5 ribu? Tak apa, gua tunggu sampai harga dia boleh beli Skyline GT-R empat biji, baru gua beli kasut ni.

Sebab apa gua nak beli kasut harga 5 ribu Ludah Dolar Amerika?

Seksi siot kasut tu!

Air Jordan 4 memang paling stim kepada gua dalam siri Air Jordan. Kena pula colour dia macam military, pehh memang kalau perang darurat ke nanti lawan dengan Zionis ke, gua pakai kasut ni.

Gila seksi siot. Ni pancut banyak kali pun gua tak ada hal.


Celaka juga.dikenali.sebagai
Dem yuh!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Respon: keluh kesah bersama kak esah.

I received an email, from one anonymous sender only wants to be known as Kak Esah. Here's what Kak Esah had to say about my post.


Here we go.

*******
1:38 PM (3 hours ago)

Warning: may burn you. Hihi.

So I have read some of ur stories. U met this lady with some pretty eyes or sumthing. U fell for her. she sorta fell for u. u walked in the rain. Nice. Cute even. Then.. the usual happens. I tak tau la wat actually happened to you. Let say this is the scenario.

Boy meets girl.
Girl show some interest.
Walked in the rain.
Guy so happy n blog about it.
Girl no longer interested.
Guy blog about it.
Guy sad or angry (depends on how the person interprets ur blog)

Ya see, u seem to go thru life in a loop. u meet girl. Fell FAST n HARD. Girl no longer interested. NEXT! U have a very beautiful mind. But I think its too much for a girl to handle. Men are suppose to be simple being. But I don’t think ur one of em. Ur special. U mindfuck(quote from u) ppl everyday. U play with emotions. U ask too many questions. U have ur vision. That is actually a thing but YA THINK TOO MUCH. U analyze too much. Ur mind is like a girl’s mind. So stop. If u want to get this girl. Stop being a girl urself. I mean ur mindlah. Tak payah berfalsafah dpn dia. wat she wants is a movie, dinner, date, stupid talk. Jokes. Hugss kisses depending on which social level the girl is la jgk. Hahahaha.

So ur questions…my answers. Just my two cents. If u cant accept it, im still just another anonymous blogger.

OCTOBER QUESTIONS: blog number(-) date oct 29 2009.

I just wanna give him a hard time, that's all.
Hey guess wat..tak pon sbrnyer..bukan a hard time, just not sure.
Betul ke dia ni suker aku? Nnti syok sendiri? Nanti terluka bla bla.
And it doesnt help pon yg those self-help books teach us to “test the water first” or books with titles of HE’s just not into you..takot siol nak suka over2. lol.
Lelaki pon buat benda yg sama.

He's nice, but I'm still not ready to be in serious relationship.
Sama cam lelaki jugak. She’s just not THAT into you. Nak hang out? Jom. Your nice. I like. But not like like. Duhh. Take a hint.

I don't know if he's really sincere or really into me.
Did you really tell her you love her? Did you? Really? So ape respond? Teragak2? Guess what…dia tak sure that you’re the one for her and still nk tunggu for someone that MAY be better than you. Please note that when a girl hesitate, she has issues..ABOUT YOU. Yeah you. Mcm citer pokok dlm hutan tu lah..go read that..lelaki pempuan..SAMA. so tny diri sendiri saje.

I wanna take things slowly.
Ok maybe she is into you. Dah date, dah rempit together dah bersilat and watnot, but nk take things slowly. So rileksla. Jgnla ajak dia kawin bulan depan ok? Not retarded, just careful.

I wanna make sure I'm making the right decision.
Pempuan ni taulah. Byk btul dlm otak dia. fikir itu ini. This goes back to the above, wanna take things slowly. Dia masih teragak2. like asking a person to marry u la..trus kata yes ke mcm pause then oowhh yesss…body language. Take note.

Actually, I have a boyfriend, but I'm considering him as a replacement.
No comment on this. Lelaki pempuan..semua buat benda yg sama..too bad klu terkena kat diri kita. So chill, pick up urself, and move on.

Summary, klu lu dah ckp lu suka perempuan tu like face to face n confess segala cinta yg terbuku and she still buat segala yg tertera di atas…MOVE ON.

SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

*******

Well, I honestly don't know whether this Kak Esah is on the same team or not. Kind of outspoken, but very much appreciated. At least this Kak Esah gave his/her opinions. Yes I don't know if Kak Esah is a lady or a drag queen.

What say you?

I say:


Dem yuh!

Let's mindfuck ourselves on a bluesy Monday.

I copied this from an email, sent by my brother-from-another-father-and-mother, Shahril Yaakob a.k.a Bala. I fell proud and honored, obviously because I was the one who bestowed him with that name.

So, back to the mindfucking session. I'm kinda lazy to write anything today, since last night I was so busy fixing my weekend. So today this email I got, kinda triggered my mood. So I think I should share it with you lads.

*******

If you’ve ever felt like you go a little cross-eyed after taking a peek at an optical illusion, then you know they can be a pretty intense phenomenon. What your eyes perceive when looking at one of these images is actually a visual illusion; you see the image as something different than what it is because the different cells and receptors in your eyes distinguish images and colors at dissimilar speeds. The eye can only receive a limited amount of visual stimuli, but as your brain constantly processes the visual information, it gives you the illusion of continuous sight. Whether it’s an optical, physiological or cognitive illusion, the design plays a trick on your eyes (and mind). Check out some of interesting illusions below—but beware, you may not be able to absorb them all in one sitting.


Flowing Leaves


The brown leaf shapes against a green background make this look as if the entire group is flowing—making waves if you focus on the picture as a whole. Photo from Flickr


Pulsing Vortex


If you stare at this one long enough you’ll notice a fast and pulsing multicolored vortex. Photo from Flickr


Waves


The blue almond-shaped objects look as if they’re all passing over three separate columns. Photo from Flickr


Hypnosis


Although this image is comprised of simple purple and green squares outlined in black, it looks like it is bulging out in the center. Photo from Flickr


Kaleidoscopes


A collection of black, blue, green and white shapes appears to be five different kaleidoscope-type figures—each swirling toward their centers. Photo from Flickr


Wormhole


The black and white circular lines make this illusion seem as if there are various depths in the image, creating different entryways and tunnels. Photo courtesy of Paco Calvino


Bull’s-Eye


If you stare at the center of the image, it looks as if the outer rings are rotating in alternating directions—an effect meant to mesmerize the viewer. Photo courtesy of Todd A. Carpenter


Starbursts


These bright purple and green star-like shapes appear to be moving, which can be a little nauseating if you stare at it for too long. Photo courtesy of Angie Armstrong

*******

It's like squeezing lemons in your mouth, isn't it?

But if you try to look at different angles or try-out with different techniques (try and error kinda shit) you can stop the movements or the illusions that you're experiencing. Seriously, you can. Or am I the only genius here?

Oh, another thing, these images are in JPEGs, not GIFs or any animated files. To learn more about how your brain can fuck-up your eyes, go HERE. <-- THERE, not HERE nor HERE.



Dem yuh!

P/s- I had to create a new label for this entry.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Weekend fixer.

This weekend was fucked up and still is. Just when you thought you'd probably have someone to be with you and spend the whole weekend together, or at least for a while, they just ignored you like you're some kind of stranger. And the best part is, they pretend like nothing happened. Like you're some kind of joke. Like you're a beggar, asking for a dime of love and attention.

You're just being overly sensitive.

Are you fucking kidding me? Try put yourself in my shoes, and walk a MILE.

Honestly I don't know why I kept on refusing to take the job at some companies, which they are willing to pay me big bucks, but I have to work until wee hours plus on the weekends. I said, no thanks, I wanna have a life, I wanna do a lot of activities for myself, I wanna go out, I wanna meet people, I wanna date a girl, I wanna fall in love, I wanna spend my weekends with people I love, not my work. I don't really care if I don't get paid $$$$$$$$$$$$$ I just want to live a LIFE, as a human, not robot.

Well congratulations, no big bucks, and no girl.

Double loser.


I need a weekend fixer. No, I'll fix it myself. Don't ask me how, or else you'll hurt yourself.



Dem yuh!

What am I to you?

JOKER.

GAP-FILLER.

CLOWN.

LAST MAN IN LINE.

GOOD-FOR-NOTHING.

FIXER.

FOOL.

PART-TIME.


Dem yuh!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

No regret.

How would you feel if someone you like, someone who you'd do almost anything for her, is taking you for granted? She'd just come knocking on you whenever she feels like, and just go whenever she wants to. One day she'll be very attentive and caring and loving, next day she treats you like you're "just a friend".

We're just friends.

Clearly.

And all of these mixed signals are just too tiring for me to keep up with. I mean, what games are you playing on me girl? How did you find this "games for days"?

Jaga saham.

Clearly.

I don't have any saham to jaga now that's why.

If I'm just a friend to you, just tell me straight in my face so I don't have to keep dreaming of you every first, every second and every third of my day. If you only want me to make you happy when you need it, appoint me as your official JOKER, I can do that for you.

Because I'd do almost anything for you.

It's never enough. It never will be. Human always try to push their luck slightly further than what they deserve. Yes, some of them did get it, probably around 10%. The rest, just fell into the big pool. What a pity.

Whatever it is, I know deep down in my heart, I am being honest to myself and to her. I have no regrets.


Dem mi!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Order.

I guess if I were ordering,
I’d take a generous lip to bite on,
a shoulder to cry on,
and a pelvic bone to grind on.




Dem mi!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Quirky Things About Me (That Some People Don't Get)?

Ripped this from hiddie's blog. She ripped it from somebody else, and that somebody else ripped it from somebody somebody else and so on.

Frankly, I was never keen on doing this list but I kept thinking, human are unique, and why not we share some things with others? It'll make the world a more beautiful place to live in.

Sometimes, some things are just quirky.
  1. I am obsessed with shoes, especially sneakers. I love footsie.
  2. I choose my attire starting from shoes, then shirts/tops. It has to match. Then only the pants/jeans. Accessories are optional.
  3. I MUST take a dump every morning before I go out or else I'll be swinging mood like a baseball bat.
  4. While I shit every morning, I multitask. I brush my teeth with left hand and shampoo my hair with right hand. Saves a few minutes but trains my brain to work simultaneously. I wish I can do something with both my legs at the same time like brushing the toilet floor and shave my balls.
  5. I boil water every morning and fill all the empty bottles. Actually every free time. I have some sort of paranoia, I'll be panicked if there's no clean water to drink in the house.
  6. When I go to gym, I refuse/avoid to talk to anyone as in strangers, or make friends unless it's a hot bombshell. I need those hours to think, or to not think at all.
  7. I MUST listen to Ryuichi Sakamoto's Bibo No Aozora before I go to sleep.
  8. If you want my ideas, get me some weed. I'll mindfuck you to your bones.
  9. I learn piano because I want to learn how to control 10 fingers, both legs, and my eyes at the same time, playing the same music, but in different movements and timing. Seriously, piano mindfucked me.
  10. I love to mindfuck myself. It's like playing chess on your own, against yourself. One part of the brain is trying to win over the other. How fucked up is that?
  11. I am fascinated by HUMAN BEHAVIOR. I love to profile people. Just profiling, not judging. I want to be a MENTALIST.
  12. I am fascinated by WORDS. Punch-lines, mostly.
  13. I am terrified with SNAKES. I almost passed out every goddamn time I see a snake.
  14. I am trying so hard to overcome that fear. I think one day I'll just jump into a pool of snakes and see if I'll still be alive after 5 seconds.
  15. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I love the idea of living on the edge.
  16. I can't differentiate left and right if you ask me instantly i.e while driving. I repeat, instantly. I'm not that retarded okay. I got that from my ex-girlfriend. Thank you, at least there's something about you that I inherit.
  17. I can smoke 20 sticks of cigarettes a day, for months or years, and stop the next day, for months or years, with minute withdrawal symptoms. I smoke to socialize. I socialize every day, because I am a human. Stop smoking cigarettes or even weed, or even join a gangster clan, or play poker ONLINE! Get a fucking life.
  18. I bet to lose. I give presents to people not to hope that one day I'll receive something back in return from them. But I did/gave it because I don't know if I'll ever see them again tomorrow.
  19. I love my friends but I know friendships come and go. I don't overdo my friendship. If they want to stay friends with me, I really appreciate it and keep them safe and happy with me. If not, I just let go. It'll be much easier to be friends with little expectation. But I do have a few REAL FRIENDS though.
  20. I can live alone. I can. I don't feel anything if no one calls or texts me for days. I think I want to go to a place where I lost my sense in communication and direction, and see if I can make it out.
  21. I am a quirk.

Some get it, some don't.
Some will, some won't.
Those that do, do.
Those that don't, they just don't.



Dem yuh!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Fool.

*******

Any fool can hit, but only REAL FIGHTERS can evade a hit.


*******
Who dresses like this these days anyway? ME.


Dem yuh!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Mengapa menjadi pemandu teksi LEBIH BEST daripada menjadi pemandu kapal terbang

1. Boleh usha awek-awek tepi jalan.

2. Boleh borak-borak dengan penumpang.

3. Apa barang pakai auto-pilot.

4.
Pejuang alam sekitar. Terima kasih NGV.

5. Peluang kena sambar kilat adalah rendah.

6. Boleh drift kalau penumpang request.

7.
Gua belum pernah jumpa video lucah Pemandu Teksi Terlampau.

Ini nombor 8

Dem yuh!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Where it matters..

I have few counselors a.k.a mentors a.k.a lifesavers or whatever-you-wanna-call-it. We all need that. As genius or independent as we think we are, we still need support in many terms; life, monetary, emotion, business, you name it.

For example, my counselors are my own father, my uncle Kem and my cousins, Khaide and Khaidi. Simple. They are my core mentors. Core means, whenever I'm like on the edge of my life, I'll go and meet them and seek advice.

I've written couple of entries about my uncle Kem and his advises and thoughts, especially in economic and business. Today I wanna write what my cousin Khaidi says about how to handle your job well in terms of operations, delivering promises and managing expectations.

Here's what he has to say.

*******

I don't want to get involved in operations but fundamentally we need to know what our job scope really entails before we unconsciously make our life more difficult.


What percent of the decision is made based upon the product/solution?


The correct answer is: 30 percent!

Actually, it’s more like 29 percent, according to a study of buying habits conducted by a systems integration company that does CRM and Sales 2.0. (BLUEWOLF). According to that study, B2B decision-makers, on average make buying decision based upon the following criteria:

  • 16 percent politics
  • 23 percent chemistry*
  • 32 percent trust/understanding*
  • 29 percent solution

What’s exciting about this fact is that two of these elements — chemistry and trust/understanding — are very much within your control.

You can’t always influence the customer’s internal politics (shouldn't even if you can) and, much of the time, you’re selling solutions already fixed by your agency.

Even so, you can always use your sales skills to build better rapport and deeper levels of trust and understanding. And that’s over 50 percent of the decision-making criteria.

By the way, the above figure explain why sales efforts that focus on “features and functions” don’t work — those elements are responsible for less than a third of the decision-making process. So no way should they dominate your process.

This is not about mere lip service. This is not blowing smoke up the clients ass or buddy-buddy or being chummy with suppliers. This is not a Malaysian culture/problem. This is human nature. It applies everywhere. Emotional intelligence is our business.

So ask yourself, is your job (YOU) really more about coming out with solutions or:

  1. Priming the relationship (client/agency) through chemistry
  2. Build trust through managing expectations and delivering promises
  3. Discussing situation, beliefs, approach and interpretation to arrive to an understanding

Of course you have to manage projects and solve problems but all that means nothing without first ensuring chemistry, trust and understanding. Nobody will be interested in your solution/best-idea if you're a hard-headed-jackass. On the other hand, if you're tight with the clients, you can get anything through. Even during the most doubtful times. Most of the time clients already know what they want to do but they just want agency to understand them first. This is when we shouldn't simply shove solutions down their throat or get involved in backroom politics. Just listen and understand, then organise and interpret their thoughts for them. Read up Aikido; redirect/use existing force/energy to achieve objective. Minimum input to achieve maximum output.

Really! they don't need smart ass solutions. They just need validation and someone to do the execution. If you can't deliver (most of the time things get complicated), communicate and manage the expectation. If you fail to communicate (miscommunication), you have failed at the core of your function (job).

80% of our issues comes from lack of communication; i.e. chemistry, trust and understanding. When you think they know, and you think they understand but the situation proves otherwise, you should learn how far you are from reality.

Who makes the decisions? Who are the stakeholders? Have you done 1, 2, and 3? Where's your leverage?

Are you spending too much time coming up with solutions? Stop thinking too long. Pick up the phone and call somebody now. Have you spent time with the clients, contractors and suppliers today? Do they really understand you? Do they trust you?


Go figure.

*******

Well, learn something or surrender yourselves to to self-chosen ignorance.


Dem yuh!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Underneath the umbrella

"You..."

"Ye..?"

"Hari ni you balik macam mana?"

"I naik bas lah, macam biasa."

"I teman you boleh?"

"My pleasure."

"No, the pleasure is mine. I'll wait down your office around 6 okay?"

"Okay, dah sampai nanti let me know tau. See ya."

Jam tangan gua sudah hampir jam 6 petang, tapi sebenarnya jam gua cepat sepuluh minit dari waktu masihi, konon-konon nak saiko diri sendiri lah sepuluh minit awal. Banyak kali gagal juga. Oke, ada sepuluh minit lagi nak siapkan surat-surat rasmi ni. Gua perah tenaga-tenaga terakhir nak siapkan kerja sebelum jam 6 berdenting.

Siap! Gua tengok jam dekat skrin komputer, 6.01 PM. Caya lah.

"You.. I dah nak gerak pergi ofis you ni. See you in about 10 minutes okay?"

"Okay, I nak kunci ofis kejap. See you downstairs."

Gua pun turun daripada ofis.

Hujan. Alamak.

"You, hujan lah. Kat ofis you ada payung tak?"

"Tak ada lah you. Tak apa lah, kita redah aja."

"You, kalau nak romantik-romantik pun, basah kuyup kejap lagi."

"Mengada."

Gua berjalan bawah hujan renyai-renyai. Tak boleh jadi ni, nanti demam pula hujan-hujan macam ni.

Gua pantas melangkah ke kedai alat tulis Jasema yang gua dah nampak papan tanda dari jauh lagi. Mamak punya bisnes mesti nak lambang besar-besar, dasar Hindustan.

"Macha, payung ada jual?"

"Sana belakang boss.", sambil dia tunjuk arah belakang ceruk kedai dia.

Celaka, kau tindas payung letak kat belakang kedai kau. Yang kat depan ni semua kau letak majalah-majalah gambar perempuan pakai seluar dalam baring tepi kolam lah, majalah Mangga tak bertamadun lah, apa lah, getas hati gua. Lantak lah, lu punya kedai, gua apa peduli.

Gua sambar payung yang paling kecil boleh muat dalam poket, bayar kat mamak tu lepas tu gua melangkah pantas.

Truut... Truut... (sms)

"You, macam lebat aja hujan ni." Gua tak reply.

He he he, gua dah cakap. Nasib baik gua sudah beli itu payung.

Sampai. Senyum lebar gua nampak buah hati. Rasa nak lari kuat-kuat, lompat, peluk. Tapi bila gua bayangkan balik tindakan tu, gua rasa mungking patah riuk dia nanti. Gua tangguhkan dulu niat tu.

"Hai...", gua sengih-sengih tak tentu pasal. Biasalah, nervous beb. Ya Allah mata dia cantiknya...

"Hai. Hujan lah, tapi tak apa kita jalan aja lah ye.."

"I tak kisah. I bawa payung. You lah jalan dalam hujan, you tak kisah ke?"

"You tak nak kongsi payung you dengan I ke?", dia buat-buat muka merajuk manja.

Yes! Memang sengaja gua beli payung paling kecil kat kedai mamak tu, satu sebab boleh letak dalam poket macam gua cakap tadi, dua sebab baru lah boleh jalan rapat-rapat dalam hujan. Pehh memang terbaik idea gua.

"Ha ha ha I gurau aja. Mestilah nak kongsi dengan you.. Apa lah you ni.", dalam hati gua ada bunga api. Tapi gua tak tahu lah bunga api boleh menyala dalam hujan atau tak.

Kitaorang pun jalan bawah payung, berpegangan tangan, dalam hujan. Sumpah gua tak pernah buat lagi benda tu, kira sebelum ni gua virgin lagi lah bab jalan bawah payung dengan gadis waktu hujan.

Dalam hati ada taman bunga dan bunga api meletup-letup...



Dem yuh!

Monday, November 2, 2009

A thinning expectation.

I used to be so into relationship, because I believed it can be my moral fiber. But honestly now, my expectation in developing a relationship, respectively in love relationship with a girl, is thinning.

Before that, let me share something about myself.

I am fascinated by human behavior. I love to analyze people, events, and ideas. I can do this all day long, and I enjoy profiling people. I mean, you can almost predict what they will do next, and sometimes you got it right, like spot on and you know you weren't just guessing, you clearly 'see' the pattern.

Some of my close friends often come to me and usually ask for so-called 'advice', or I'd prefer to call it 'opinion from a different point of view'. I'm not quite sure why they'd come to me anyway, maybe I love to listen, I don't know. Well maybe I'm just being honest in my opinion(s), and I believe that's exactly what we all need now. So many dishonest people around us to a point that we don't feel comfortable or not used to being honest or receiving honest remarks.

Okay, speaking of relationship, I said earlier, my expectation is thinning. I used to have all these wild and beautiful imaginations about a perfect relationship, like loving, respect, loyal, honest, responsibility, and the sorts. But now, it's thinning. It's because of few things/incidents/cases. Things that happened to these people who came to me to seek some of my utter bullshit opinions, and things that happened to myself more than everything.

I learned a lot from my past experience, and I'm like really trying hard to not make the same mistake again and end up back at the square one again and again. But we are all human, aren't we? No matter how many times we try to learn from our mistakes, we kept ourselves busy by denying them. Self-centred, vain, selfish and ungrateful bastards we all are.

So, I see things, I listen to the drama behind all these stories, I exclude them and I go down to the core of the problem(s). Then I deliver my opinion(s). Most of them couldn't take it, or disagree with my opinion(s), which I don't mind at all. That's why they come to me in the first place, to listen to something they don't wanna hear, things that they are so busy denying. But I don't mind, everybody is entitled to their own opinion and choice. I'd still be happy I could be of a help, in any small ways.

The biggest disadvantage to me in this system is that, I can't apply it to myself. I can't. I can't read, or analyze or predict my own relationship. Why? Because like I said, whenever I deliver my opinion(s), I've excluded the drama and emotions attached to the topic. So I can't do that in my relationship, because it involves either one of those two, if not both. It's like the bomoh nombor ekor myth that they can predict your 4-digit number, but they can't do it for themselves. It's like a curse like any superheroes for example The Incredible Hulk, he's destructively strong but he's GREEN. Or take a look at Superman, he can fly and he's mighty and whatnot, but he is still until today, being laughed at for wearing the underwear outside.

Right now, like literally now, I'm really not sure about myself. I really like this one girl, but I just don't know what to do. If I show too much attention, she'll get bored, if I don't, she might think that I'm not that into her. Should I put some standard of expectation? Or should I not, at all? I'm sure she knows that I like her, a lot. But she keeps giving me these mixed signals you know, one day she'd be very attending and caring, the next day she didn't text me at all.

Is she taking me for a ride around town, for sight-seeing? I don't know.

I know girls like her must have a lot of admirers or guys waiting in line. Yes, I am one of them but if she's smart enough, she'll know that I have so much to offer (except material). I'm a broke bloke but I have so much more than what money can buy.

I mean, I can totally understand if people wanna take things slowly, get to know each other better, make sure the right decision is made blah blah blah. But how slow does it have to be? Why can't we just skip all the slow parts, move straight away to establishing a real and steady relationship and enjoy the moment while we still have it? Time is the most important resource of all, and it's not ours. Time is the only thing we can't take back, or go around.

Imagine this; it's like both of us are sitting on a boat in the middle of a lake, and I've jumped in the water and swimming and diving and having so much fun flapping my legs and hands, and you are having fun watching me too. You wanted to jump too, but you are still afraid and unsure at the same time even though you know I'm already in the water. You keep on testing the water with your legs and hands to make sure you are ready or aware with the water temperature. But still, you didn't jump in yet, because now you are still not sure about the depth of the lake. You ask me to check out the depth, and so I did. The lake is deep, I said, but don't worry, I'm here. I'll take care of you. Still, you are not convinced. I'm all soaking wet now baby, why don't you just jump and have fun with me?

I'm all soaking wet, cold, and alone in this lake, why don't you jump and be miserable with me?

For that, I wrote something for her. Yes, YOU. You know who you are, and I know you are reading this. This is for YOU.


*******
I like challenge, that's why I like you
You're like a puzzle with no clue
Like a series of codes I'm yet to break
But I'll crack it whatever it takes

They say I don't have to put much effort
I just have to give her some carrots
Told me to play a bit with her mind
Let her slowly bite and she's all mine

What? No, she ain't no rabbit!
I don't wanna make it a habit
That's not how I pull my gambit
That's not magic, that's tragic!

(Girl) Let's put this to an end
(Girl) Let's walk together holding hands
Let me be your greatest fan
Coz you'll make me a better man

Take my finger and don't ever let go.

*******

Dem mi!
 
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