Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Feelings That Once, Existed.

Isn't it strange, how I can forget something as awful as that storm I once encountered. It's only been a few months and already the memory of it is devoid of terror. I can recall the events, of course, but I can't feel anything. Funny, isn't it, how the human mind works?

We humans have a remarkable capacity to disguise emotions... ~ We suppress feelings, we force ourselves to forget things until, finally, we truly believe those things had never existed.

Such cynicism in one so pure... ~ Do you really think so?

Of course. It's how we survive, isn't it?

Yes, it's right, of course. I mean, let's take the terrible storm as an example. I remember being washed overboard; I can remember, clearly, being battered by the waves, swallowing gallons of water ~ I can still taste the salt at the back of my throat, but can I recall the terror? No, not really. Similarly, I can remember surfacing once the squall had passed, and I can remember seeing you, but as for how I felt: nothing! The elation of being alive, intense as it was then, no longer exists. I've simply forgotten. Of course I remember everything; but I'm afraid I draw a blank as far as emotions are concerned.

But, what about death? Would you forget a person once he/she is passed on?

Their face ~ their image ~ would stay with you, of course. You'd remember what they looked like. The details may become vague, but you'd still remember. Just like a photograph. In your mind's eye, you'd be able to re-create all their habits ~ the way they slept, how they ate: everything. But, would you remember how u felt about them? And how they felt about you?

No, I don't think so.

Death, I believe, erases everything. It erases all traces of the life that once existed, completely and forever. Of course we help it in its task ~ we're the ones who do the forgetting.

I couldn't argue with it.

But this time, and for the longest time, I feel you. And for the longest time, I feel at home. And the longest time of all, I had the deepest sleep at nights. So deep that I drowned myself into you. So, open up the window curtain, forgive yourself and let it go. This I personally dedicate to Aydan, the shining moon.

Dem yuh!

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