Thursday, September 17, 2009

She's just not that into you.

Ever been in a situation when someone you are having crush on, or attracted to, but unfortunately SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU?

Gosh I hate that. So does everyone.

I’m not referring to those who failed to impress the other party on the first meet.
*Note: The act of ‘impressing’ is not to be done hypocritically, but rather to just be yourself and set a certain value of yourself.

Meaning, when you do something genuine by expressing your interest towards that person, and he or she spontaneously or naturally fond of your personality, he or she reacts positively to it. I don’t think I need to explain more or provide stupid examples of those reactions. Itu dalam cerita Mokhsin pun lu boleh tengok.

I’m sure all of you (even if monkeys are reading this now) have been through this situation(s). Congratulations to those with (s). Not a nice moment, to be honest.

I will use substitute for the third person as a FEMALE, so I don’t have to keep saying “he or she”, “him or her”, “that person”, “your partner”, “the other half” etc. You’ll understand that it’s really annoying.

So, after you know, exchanging phone numbers or facebook account or instant messaging and the sort, and things move from another page to the other. From another chat to another phone call to another meeting to another activity but still stuck at the first base.
*Note: The word ‘base’ has nothing to do sexually, although it is as almost as what everyone would understand. ‘Base’ means the level of your relationship with that person.

FIRST base means you still try to be cool and be witty and smile almost all the time and once in a while trying to touch her unintentionally as if it looks like it’s a nice gesture from you, and how comfortable you are with her around. You know, throwing hints and that special staring technique that works all the time.

SECOND is when you unofficially dating her. Meaning you meet her as much as you can, no make no excuse to hide or express your feelings like holding her hand while watching movie in cinema, you start to call her by the words “dear”, “sayang”, but not “baby” just yet. And you start to kiss her goodnight in SMS or anything, and maybe to a point you even kiss her on the cheek or forehead, you know, anything but lips, just yet.

THIRD, well yeah, you officially date her as in being an item. Budak-budak selalu cakap “Dah declare.” Well again I don’t have to explain further.

FOURTH or the HOME RUN is when normally a normal couple would do at the THIRD BASE, only it adds more drama to it. More fighting and more jealousy, more expectations and more of things sometimes just seem ridiculous.

Third and the home run is out of the topic already because it’s not what this entry is all about. It’s the first and the second that worries us the most. You know; when your testosterone and adrenaline plus your serotonin and dopamine ejaculates and overflowing, all at the same time, you just can’t fuck it up, can you?

Things are doing and going just nice. You cherish every moment; you keep her sweet goodnight messages, you take pictures with her everywhere you go even though you’ve been there God knows how million times. But, suddenly things flopped. She sort of being cold, not answering your calls, no sweet SMS, among other things. Fuck knows why.

Why? Why? Why?


But why? I’ve been really nice to her, I took her out, make jokes, acting cute, show my interest (and I’m pretty sure she responded well to that) at the same time try to be relax and not too pushy or demanding yet it’s not working out.

Let's try to list down a few assumptions:

She was just being nice to you, and that’s all
The most common cases. She's super-friendly, or over-friendly, and might be a little bit flirtatious. That's all.

She found another person/thing/activity that’s more interesting than you
Maybe she's bored and at that time you're the only guy showering her with attentions and affection. Who doesn't like free meals?

She still thinks of her ex-boyfriend
Another most common cases. Still can't stop thinking of him, he still give her hopes, and most likely, a safety net.

Her friends told her bad things they found about you
Whether it’s true or not, it’s a different story.

Her checklist of “The Guy I Should Make Boyfriend” failed its effectiveness rate
Girls, they have some sort of checklist in their mind (if not in their diary) about what they look in a guy. It doesn't matter long long the list is, but just so you know, the effectiveness rate is 80%.

She thinks you’re faking your way in
Paranoid, or too critical. Everything you've done for her seems that it's pre-planned. The choice of words, this and that. All they ever scared of is that you did all the nice and sweet things because you just want to score, that's all.

She’s just not ready to be in relationship
Ah ha, commitment issue. Trust issue. Whatever issue.

You’re being too nice and she just wants you to spank her ass already
Now that's your fault! Sometimes, being straight forward and show her who's the boss is the way.

Fuck knows why
Fuck knows why.


So what do you do? Confront her? Whack her ex-boyfriend or her bad-mouth friends? Try to convince her with sugarcoating words? Buy her out with expensive gifts or fancy night-outs? Try to change yourself so that you’ll meet her checklist? Or kick yourself in the head?

Do you rather change yourself so that hopefully you would think someone will like you, not because you’re being yourself?

I don’t know the answer myself. But what I know is that, I look at life as if it is a big fucking combination of paths. Sometimes your path crosses with someone else’s, and that person moves at the same direction as you are. If you’re lucky, you’ll both walk together to the end of the world, if not then it’s just not meant to be. But, you have to remember that you will never know where the end of the path is, you just keep walking, running, stop, rest, whatever. Non-stop. It’s a fucking huge combination of paths; you’ll never know one day the path will cross again, or you’ll crossed path with someone else, with flowers and nice things on the side. God is Powerful, if it’s meant to be, it will.

To me, I just let it slide. At least, that’s what my mentor used to tell me. There is no point of holding yourself back, and I quote a favourite line, I’ll take my chances. That’s unfair. Both need to take chances and work it out. You need to keep moving and when you know you finally meet someone, you just take her hand and walk together.

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: If there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

Good night, and good luck.

Dem yuh!


hiddie said...

brilliant post!

miszundercover said...

i like... so very much. Interesting entry...err topic actually :)

Budak Nakal said...

There's nothing better than the truth. At least, my truth. I had to write it, since it bothers a lot of people, and myself yet only few of us want to do some post-mortem. Here you go.

Thanks. It happened to me, so yeah I was just trying to figure out the whole thing :)

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