Monday, January 19, 2009

6 Ways To Recognise An E-Thug

1. He/she still lives at home with his parents.
94% of all E-thugs still have to ask their mum whether they can bring their girlfriend/boyfriend round to 'sleepover' or if they can stay out late to DJ (in my personal case, this particular e-thug is so boring and he/she have no life). [1]

2. He/she regularly drops terms like 'e-props' and ‘PWN’ into everyday conversations.
To e-thugs, 'e-props' are like chicken nuggets to starving kids in Ethiopia. E-props are usually gained by 'PWN-ING' other bloggers, detailing how much you 'rule' on various message boards, or claiming that you know more about a particular subject than anyone else in the entire planet (in my personal case, I was pwned as having a "boring blog with a wannabe-rich-and-famous things to blog about" and "kau=orang sial yada yada yada" and "blog busuk macam longkang". Makes me wonder if he/she has a blog, how longkang his/her blog would be).

3. Online schizophrenia.
Most e-thugs are personality deficient squares that have trouble communicating with other human beings in 'the real world'. The internet allows them to create a whole new personality that is nothing like the lame reality of their often lonely lives. It's like when Mario starts off as a small and weedy plumber, but then he eats one of those mushrooms and turns into SUPER MARIO. The internet is every e-thugs 'mushroom' (in my personal case, he/she have no guts to call me or fuck me straight in my face, obviously because he/she is the SUPER MARIO on the internet).

4. Homo-celeb-clingitis.
Any 'online-warrior' worth his/her salt must name drop a popular 'celeb' that they are close with at any given opportunity. E.G: If you write about streetwear, you must, at the very least, have Futura on speed dial and tell your readers how often you talk to him and get invited to his house (in my personal case, it's not celebs, but maybe he/she is relying on some other thugs since I got this threat "nanti ada orang cari kau" wooo I'm scared) .

5. He/she has a secret online identity. Nobody's gonna take you seriously if you go online and start 'e-beef' when you have a really boring name like 'Tarquin' or 'Sean'. Create an exciting name that will make people think you’re a character from a cartoon or a comic book and not an exceptionally gay homo (in my personal case, it's or blog hopper and dissed me and my blog, which is so pathetic because he/she is hiding behind stupid names).[2]

6. Me me ME!
E-thugs are so mentally deficient, that they believe they are the best at doing everything from downloading (My broadband is faster than yours!) to masturbation(The last one to bust a nut has to send a myspace bulletin saying 'I'm gay'!). They get extremely jealous when they hear about other people within their ‘scene’ receiving praise/respect/props etc, and will do everything possible to bring them down (albeit through a vale of sarcastic commentary), and thus raise their own 'e-props' (in my personal case he/she is mentally ill/deficient and i thing this particular e-thug(s) is/are stalking me, which is kinda cool, don't you think?).

[1] All e-thugs have 'popular' blogs and use their ‘e-fame’ to acquire sympathy and create ridiculous accusations..
[2] E-thugs are all nerds in real life. If you knew who they were, you’d probably kick their ass into next week Tuesday and Wednesday. And believe me I will find him/her.

Fear me, I'm the scariest e-thug!

I guess I am an e-thug as well. So does the others. Hahaa what a cock/pussy..

Dem yuh!

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