Friday, December 18, 2009

Past present future

I told myself I will try my best not to be like how I was 5 years ago. I have closed the Pandora box. I won't let the monkey jump out of the bottle anymore.

When I was 21, I didn't even know what the hell I was doing.

"First, you are not trapped in your situation. You can get out of any situation you want if you are willing to take the pain of doing all the things you don't want to do - the long hard way. The fruitful way."

At 22, I had dropped out of college. I did two years of wasting time eventually trying to get my head on straight. Worked as a talent scout agent for a production house until I got myself in a terrible accident. Took me more than six months to recover. After that I tried out a business as a middleman in rubber industry, partnering with another friend. Woke up 6 a.m. every morning, drove all the way to Bentong, Pahang and groping the smelly-acidic raw rubber for living. Shittiest job ever but paid double what talent scout did. Unfortunately our store where we kept the rubber was broken one night and everything was stolen. There goes my 20 grand capital. Painful. Soon after, I stopped being friends with my business partner when he stopped committing to pay the 20 grand money we borrowed from the bank. So I had to pay everything (I still am, couple years to go). Super painful. Then I tried at a Ramadhan Bazaar, selling cucur udang and dadih. For only a month. Just enough money to pay my small house rental that month, pay my bank loans, and eat. So Ramadhan ended, and I was jobless again. In between all these, I have done a few 'jobs'; enough to keep me survived and yet more than enough to put me behind bars. I did not give a shit what it was, if it paid for my goals to be met even it involves something illegal, I did it.

At 24, I was jobless again. Scraped together enough embarrassment to seek emergency help from my cousin. Got a job from him under 'close probation and supervision' to get me through to the end of the month. Again, the job paid enough money to sometimes eat and pay my small room rental. Trust me, it was fucking painful. But I slowly got better and better in doing my jobs.

As time went on I realized I needed to arrange my priorities again. I took few freelance jobs consistently so I could exhaust all my energies in things I need to do to be on top. I was still far behind those who had life handed to them their whole life. However, I was catching up. In time I realized it was not a chase against others but to only my own race to my goals. Kept the nose down. Chose friends carefully so I can keep on learning new things. Ignored the time wasting folk who never will amount to anything other than regular. Grew up around enough of those to realize the difference.

Now that I am 26, I had achieved no major goals yet I since I first set out. The closest thing to reaching my goals are the habits that keep me striving for my goals. And hopefully those are good habits. That is when I realized it was time to set new goal. Each time this happens it feels like starting over. Get something done, start again. In time your life becomes what you want it to be. Even those of money have to do this if their life involves learning, skill, and growth. It is not money that holds people back. Is just their own mind.

The hard part about certain situations is not everyone is told they can do and reach their goals if they just work their ass off starting RIGHT NOW. Some know it and won't work for whatever reason. They listen to that voice that says I want to chill and watch TV or I don't feel like it. Others have addictions or mental issues keeping them from growing and learning. I didn't want to be any of that. I wanted to do cool stuff, to have an interesting life, and to work in a positive way.

Hard manual labor growing up taught me that my mind would rot if I chose that kind of path. I wanted something to use my mind. Bored if not, and with boredom comes making trouble or distraction. Gotta turn that into work ethic, no choice. If there is a blaring TV or anything else, than there are other options. Options that keep one from not working to reach their goals.

Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going.

Complacency is the womb of mediocrity. You clearly are not complacent. So do something about it in every free second of your day. All this wandering around doing not a whole lot but thinking isn’t getting you much done. It is however, giving you a taste of life many others would never have the guts to explore. Just don't stay down there too long without coming up for air.

5 years from now, I think I'll still be doing things that I love to do as long as I keep myself disciplined, persistent, proactive and dynamic. I hope I'll be able to do more good things to myself, my loved ones, my family, my friends and to humanity. The most important thing is to not give up. To not give up. To not give up.

"Never stop going for what you believe is yours."
- Stephon Marbury, NBA All-Star

Dem yuh!


meow said...

doesnt all of that makes u feel that u want to get closer to God. i mean, repent and strive for success, earn it.

Sara Ahmad said...

Fadly, this is very inspirational. I wanted to quote from Marcel Proust as I think it is very apt to what you've written :

"We do not succeed in changing things according to our desire, but gradually our desire changes.

The situation that we hoped to change because it was intolerable becomes unimportant.

We have not managed to surmount the obstacle, as we were absolutely determined to do, but life has taken us round it, led us past it, and then if we turn round to gaze at the remote past, we can barely catch sight of it, so imperceptible has it become."

So, whatever that you've gone through I believe the main underlying reason is to make you a better, stronger, wiser person.

Keep it up. You've come a long way, baby.

Budak Nakal said...

I wrote in one of my post, and I quote;

My only regret is to my GOD The Most Precious and The Most Merciful. I've been so ignorant, so selfish, so unappreciative, so ungrateful, so forgetful, so lazy, so weak and so insignificant. I am human, after all.

That explains.


Your comment is more inspirational. I give up writing. ;)

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