Born on the 31st of July

Well not me.

I'm gonna run a quick one.

Today marks the birthday of two significant people in my life. Unfortunately not my girlfriends. Wouldn't it be awesomely cool to have TWO girlfriends at the same time having/sharing the same birthday? Fantasy...

Anyways, yeah I'll introduce both.

First up, my REAL friend. REAL one, not fake.

Mr. Shahril Yaakob a.k.a Bala. His 26th today.

Retarded armpit-smeller

Maybe some of you remembered this fucker from this INCIDENT <- click at the INCIDENT, not HERE!

I knew him since we're thirteen (13). What are the similarities:

We went to the same school, same dormitory, same class, same cadet team, same sports house, same basketball team, in fact he's my pair in the team. We fought for the same girl but he won (I can't mention name here - to avoid speculations, wild rumors and gossips), only because he's more decent than me, I was the 'black' in ying-yang. He was more 'white' in that sense (not in skin color, otherwise he'll lose, any given time).

He knew my family, in fact he's part of the family, since time immemorial.

Bala (I gave him this name - and I'm proud of it, and I hope he is too ha ha ha sorry mate!) and I are very compatible, even though we're both different in personality-wise. Almost contrary I would say. Like I said, I was the "BLACK" (still am) and he's the "WHITE". But the most important is, never once he quit on me or being judgmental or anything towars me. Hell I've been and done so many crazy shits and he's the only person who knows EVERYTHING about me and not once left me behind. He's my REAL friend. a REAL friend is way better than BEST friend.

I tricked him to make him come to this event. Can you believe it??!!

To Bala, if you ever read this, STOP BEING SO DECENT AND JOIN MY BLACK FORCE!

Next up. Second and not least, my REAL second cousin. Again, REAL. Second cousin.

Mr. Mazro Mazlan a.k.a Yo! 28th today. You are old bastard.

Back in 2002. He's not this thin anymore, but girls still dig him. Sucka!

Actually he's not even blood-related to me. He's a cousin to my cousin. Hard to explain and I don't bother to.

So, what about this rambut macam rambutan guy? We worked in the same company since last year but he left for another job few months ago. We meet on daily basis though, through futsal, karaoke (this mofucker can sing) and countless wild nights. He's also considered as Vince Chase, whilst I'm more like E. Yeah can you imagine me managing this fucker? Hell.

Always with the macho-look. Blueekkk

He's two years older than me, but he looks younger. Unfair! I heard he use susuk, I don't know. Ha ha ha... Even though he's not really a cousin to me (by blood) but he's a REAL cousin. Again, REAL cousin is way better than BEST cousin.

To the two of you, since today is your birthdays, and you think you can have some immunities, well not from me! That's what I'm for, to pull on your legs, and your balls too!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOTH OF YOU. A YEAR OLDER, A YEAR CLOSER TO YOUR DEATH. ENJOY AND GET WASTED!

Owh, tonight I'll buy them both a dinner. And then to a wild crazy ass party. Will post up the story later.

Dem yuh!

The Beautiful Blue Sky

The only song that keeps me sane every day. A perfect song for my "Venice Honeymoon".

Bibo no Aozora - Ryuichi Sakamoto

My every day dosage. Every hour dosage.

Dem yuh!

For those who don't know me (yet)

Come on, loose up a bit.


Dem yuh!

Everything is a GIFT (Part 1)

Today I'd like to write about one thing I took for granted, almost my entire life. It's called GIFT.

No, not birthday gift or any material gifts you get when you succeed in anything in your life. Not that, for now.

I wanna talk about GIFT in life. How everything in life is a gift, a beautiful one.

I'm not really in the mood of writing too long for now, so I'll post this as Part 1. Next Part(s) will come afterward.

Okay, how do we get this started...

Alright, let's see. Majority of people see things in their lives as "miserable, unlucky, difficult, embarrassing" and so on. It will never stops.

For example, last time I was so insecure about my looks, my physical appearance I mean. I thought I'm ugly, dark, bad hair, I sweat a lot, among other things. Every time I go out, I feel insecure. I don't think I can even get a girlfriend. But I realized that time, there's nothing I can do about it. God gave me this. But what can I do for myself? I can train the other part(s) of my body such as BRAIN. You see there's so many things you can do with your brain. When you master your brain, you master your body, and you can handle anyone around you.

Well, I'm not saying that I can get a girlfriend any time I want now, but I have to say my girlfriends (exs' - I'm single now) most probably loved me not because of my physical. I have nothing to offer on that area. I said "most probably" because up until now, I didn't know why they accepted my request of being their boyfriend, maybe because they feel pity for a loser like me. I don't know. The most they said probably "you're cute" (cute = ugly but adorable). Acceptable.

So you see, it's all about your PERCEPTION about yourself and other people around you. You have to train yourself to have a right mindset and right perception.

Some people think you're a problematic person, but I rather think you're a challenging person. It's two different things. You might think that I'm arrogant, but I'd like to think that I'm confident. It's how you see it. You feel embarrass because your palms sweat all the time, but if you look at it, you don't have to be embarrassed because that means not everyone gets the chance to touch your hands.

Okay, another example; You can see ghost. The first time you saw ghost, you thought it was an unfortunate encounter. The only one. Then you see again and again. You freaked out. Hell I'd freaked my ass out too. You thought,"I'm a weirdo, I can see ghost, people think I'm a freak, I'm a loser blah blah blah..." And then what, you gonna spend the rest of your life thinking you're a loser just because you can see ghost?

If you love yourself, and try not to be affected by other people's atrocious judgments, you will learn how to face the reality. You must learn how to face the reality.

How?

Change your mindset of looking at things. In this case (the one who can see ghost), first of all you have to accept that there's nothing much you can do to change it. You are SPECIAL. Very few people in this world are special. So just live with it, and make use of your special ability.

Such as?

If you have a talent in painting, maybe you can paint the image of the ghost you saw and sell it. Or, instead of feeling terrible because the guy who you like in your class, keeps on making fun of you, you tell him that there's a horrible-looking ghost who has a thing for him and follows him wherever he goes and the only way the ghost stops following him is to be close to you. Haa! Then what next? You can start imagine and think how you can reframe the social bigot and live your life to the fullest.


Dem yuh!

The Song Of You.

Loving you is a like a song I replay,
Every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day.

And every chorus was written for us to recite,
Every beautiful melody of devotion every night.

This potion might, this ocean might, please carry me,
In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me.

And every word, every second, and every third,
Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard.

And when I play them, every chord is a poem,
Telling the Lord how grateful I am because I know her.

The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress,
If I ask you then will you please tell me it's a yes.

Stand in love, take my hand and love the Lord's bless.


It's true.


Dem yuh!

Crazy Journey

How do we say it? Say it right: DEM YUH!

Ha ha ha well I'm back, fuckers!

Ops Escapism was a life-turning for me, in a very unique way. I guess I've become more matured since last time I assessed my own maturity level. Shit, no. I'm still like the one you know; the silly, the clumsy, the clown, the whatever-you-like and most importantly the one who don't give a fuck or two.

Now, I see the world more differently. I found something I can't explain. Something inside me. I found my source to happiness. My source TO happiness.

Gotta rest now.


Dem yuh!

Get-away getaway

In few more hours, I'll be off somewhere for the whole weekend.

No, I'm not running away. That's not me. I mean, maybe I was a quitter in my younger days and escapism was the most ideal thing to do but not anymore.

However, I learned slowly and painfully that escapism is not gonna change your life or anything around you. The day my ideas about the world I was living in, broke into pieces. There's a saying: The world does not revolve around you.

It's like hating your family or this country or the current Government so much for being such an asshole to you and to everyone, so you decide to migrate to somewhat a "better" country with "even better" government like AUSTRALIA so you think you'll have a better living, you'll be treated with more respect and you can pay lower taxes.

Then after that you REALIZED that Australia is nothing less than your OWN COUNTRY, instead of coming back, you decide to migrate to ANOTHER country which you THINK is BETTER than the last one, like CANADA. I mean, what the fuck man? Why do you think Canada is better than Australia, or even Malaysia? Canada has been the main topic in American stand-up comedies for years, equally to North Korea or Iran. Well at least these mofuckers have some nuclear shits, no? And what Canada has? Wayne Gretzky? Maple leaf? Do you know that you can even grow money on someone's ass now?

Grow up.

Anyway, back to the topic.

I'm going for a getaway. Or get-away? Or get away?

Whatever.

I need out. Everything feels numb now. I work and work and work, and play sports every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, Thursday usually a bit flex but I still come home at 2 or 3 in the morning, Friday and Saturday always the trashed ones, Sunday is family day and night. Yet I feel nothing. Happiness at its worst.

No I'm not being emotional or too sensitive (well maybe a bit) you can see in my blog I keep the truth about what I write. I never tried to be or write like other people a.k.a POSERS. I just write how I see the world through my eyes, the truth, about what I feel. *Truth in my definition is something that I believe in, not you.

So I don't know if I will write while I'm on my 'Ops Escapism'. Hell I don't know if anyone cares. It's a nice thing though, when you write and you don't know if anyone ever give a damn about your writing therefore you can write almost about ANYTHING you want, you can even say FUCK GOVERNMENT here and no one would give a flying fuck or two flying fucks about it. Shit I hope they don't arrest me under ISA because if they do, that would be the funniest shit ever could happen to me, or to this country, which I love dearly. *Smell some sarcasm?*

Fuck man I'm stoned or what I don't know. This is a bullshit write up. It's alright.

Need to pack up and rest. Long way to go.

History is to be pissing...

Dem yuh!

I Still Do (Want To)

I still do
Want to date you
I'm taking my chances
And wait for your cue

I still do
Want to see you
After a long, long time
I'm still looking for a clue

I still do
Want to touch you
Soft and perfect skin
Like rainbow with all the hues

I still do
Want to hold you
My arms around your body
Like we used to

I still do
Want to kiss you
Long passionate lips locking
No one else but us two

I still do
Want to love you
And forever there is
Until the time is due.


It's true.

Dem yuh!

Passion in Fashion

A flashback.

This picture was taken by April Kuan from Juice magazine back in January 2007 during the celebration of Nike Air Force One's XXV Anniversary Party (pictures at NSB.org HERE!). It was appeared on the Editor's Note picture for Juice Magazine issue February/March 2007 if I'm not mistaken. Ha ha ha thanks April!

They say fashion is temporary, STYLE is FOREVER.
(Brother Kieren on the left with his OG Supreme tee)

The fiber cast artwork was done by my boy, Izat Arif and coincidentally matched with my favourite shoes at the moment, the Nike Court Force Premium x Gimme 5 (Gimme 5 is/was a sneaker shop in the UK). And, the infamous graffiti artist The Killer Gerbil a.k.a KGB tagged my cast there and then! Mad!

It was about 3 months or so after I got hit by the car thingy (check HERE for better understanding).

Broken leg didn't stop me from doing what I love. How about you ladies and gentlemen?

Dem yuh!

Lifeless Room

I haven't cleaned up my room for I-don't-know-how-long. I try to avoid staying too long, unless I want to sleep. Well, considering my hectic schedule now, I get home around 2-3 in the morning, every night. Sleep will come later.

I can't stay in my room anymore. It seems lifeless. It is lifeless. Empty.

I need to move out of the house very soon. I don't know where to go yet but I believe I'll be fine. I will, in time.

Lifeless Room

It's been a while
Since I last saw your lovely smile
Since I said things that hurt you
Owh now I feel so blue

Everything has changed
Everything seem strange
But I'm still the same
Still feeding on my pain

I don't know what went wrong
Sounds like a sad slow song

I still smell you
I still feel you
In this lifeless room
In this everlasting doom

Things will never be the same
Once you missed your aim
To you I bid my heaviest goodbye
I did my best
I did try

I don't know what went wrong
Sounds like a sad slow song
In this lifeless room
In this everlasting doom.

*******

These pictures below are just not appropriate. But what the hell this is my blog so I just post whatever I want to. It's almost like a trash bin. Or garbage disposal centre. I don't feel like doing anything to the mess. I like the way it is now. I leave it the way it is before everything went wrong. I love the way it is now. Don't ask me why.

Dem yuh!

Insiden berdarah lagi

No this incident is neither Bala nor me. But this one is rather interesting, and I think I should share. Sharing is caring, it leads to fucking, no?

After we got back from a night-out last Saturday night, we decided to go and stuffed our empty stomach at Spicy, Hartamas. Just after a few minutes, not even settled down with the orders, suddenly there's a bunch of motorcyclists a.k.a street thugs shouting and causing some unpleasant noise. Then we saw a guy, running away from the group.

"Woi, jangan lari!!!"

The guy, seemed to me, will be in a hell lot of trouble. But it was too quick, he turned around back and tried to run again but......

In the blink on an eye, I think about 20 of the street thugs went crazy beating this poor lad. Macam lalat hurung taik.

Split seconds.

Everyone was stunned.

It went about a minute. Then all of them left.

Silence. Shocked.

I left my table and walked to that guy.

Blood every-fucking-place.

Gosh, deep wound. Must be at least 10 stitches.

I called the police, and waited for them.

That guy is a Korean, I reckoned. He was confused and couldn't answer anything properly. Must be the lost of blood. I helped him stop the blood, and wiped his thick optical glasses that was covered with blood. (I said THICK OPTICAL GLASSES because he looked like a geek I don't know why he was beated)

Police came after 20 bloody minutes this poor lad could die already. Then have to wait for ambulance some more. Wahlau wei???!!!

Blood Party...

I left the crime scene after the situation was under the police control. To my table and eat.

Well, shit happens. I've seen many things, I even experienced a plenty. Not a good sight though. Life goes on, pity that guy. Next time, be more careful, you never know what's going to happen to you in the future. Buy guns.

Blood in, blood out.

Dem yuh!

I will never get enough of numbers

Right now the time is 3:12 AM. According to this laptop.

What am I doing now? Enlarge by click, just like my dick!

Look at the numbers. Noiceeeeee.....

I've been looking and working on these digits for a month already. Every bloody day.

No I'm not complaining. Embrace. Embrace.

Time's running out.


Dem yuh!

SOFT or HARD?

I have no title for this post, yet. I only feel like writing now. I keep telling myself that I write craps, but some people told me that I should keep writing. I have no freaking idea. I mean, it's not easy when I know I'm not good writing stuff, in fact I'm so close to a bad writer or could be the worst writer ever, and what makes it worse than worst is that I have to keep up writing. Or must I think I write good craps though?

Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.

So the start-up motivation came from I-don't-know-where. Owh, I remember now. It came from an overflowing ideas and deep misunderstandings and critical observations about one too many things. I've written something about how my empty brain works before. You can refresh it HERE!

So yeah, I feel like writing about this one important thing. No, not important thing, but rather one interesting topic. Haa now it's more accurate. Well at least it's interesting to me. I don't know about you guys.

So this one hazy evening I had a conversation with my Uncle Kem, as usual in the car (Counselor In-Mobile) while sending him to Suria KLCC.

We talk about HARDWARE and SOFTWARE.

Computer?

Not really.

Then?

Human. Life. Nation. Politic. Everything.

Everything in life, has two most important thing, to function as a system.

Hardware, and software.

For example:

Question: What builds a nation?

Answer: Human development (software, or brain) and national resources (hardware, or wealth). Simple. What happens to Malaysia now? Other countries look at us as a wealthy country, developing the infrastructures and looks good on the outside. It's called HARDWARE. But when you talk about human development (software), we Malaysians are way behind many countries that we see as "poor" or "under-developed" or whatever shit. We Malaysians are so proud of NOTHING. The tallest twin tower in the world? Wow. Well, not anymore in few years time. What else?

Tell me, what can we be proud of ourselves as Malaysians?

As a matter of fact, we can't even be proud of ourselves as a Malaysian since not every Malaysians CAN SPEAK BAHASA MELAYU PROPERLY. I'm not being racist here, no. I'm saying this because I see one too many Malays who can't even converse Bahasa Melayu properly, grammatically correct and what not. I'm not gonna start on Chinese or Indians or other race.

But you are writing in English now. What makes you an exception?

I am writing in English occasionally, and just to practice my SECOND LANGUAGE. Again, as a SECOND LANGUAGE.

If we talk about proud to be Malaysian, Malaysia Boleh(blah)!, nationalism or even that 1Malaysia, we can't even compare ourselves to Indonesia. Correct me if I'm wrong. Fuck it, there's no right or wrong, only consequences.

If you ever been to Indonesia, you can hear and see every fucking people there can speak Bahasa Indonesia, properly. Every single citizen, of course. Bahasa Indonesia. They are proud to be Indonesian. Here, we are still confused, whether we are speaking Bahasa Melayu or Bahasa Malaysia? The next election, they will change it to Bahasa Melayu, come the next election, change it to Bahasa Malaysia pulak. Morons.

And to top it all, we call Indonesians "extremist" or some sorts for being "extreme" about their country. That's the fucking point! How can we say we are proud to be Malaysians, when we don't give a flying fuck about our own country? All we can talk cock about all the time is the KLCC, KLIA, KL Tower, SMART fucking Tunnel, Putrajaya, Sepang Circuit, first astronaut, Iskandar Malaysia, PLUS Highway, what else? Tell me.

All of the above, HARDWARE.

And yet we say the Arabs are stupid and arrogant. Because they have money (and oil), they spend blindly and outrageously and build every fucking things on earth, in Arab lands. Why? Because they have resources. Oil. Money.

Arab = Money = Arrogant = Stupid.
Malaysia = Money = ?? = ??

See they equation?

Give any backward African country with all of Malaysia's resources and wealth and they can build a country and become a country exactly like Malaysia.

Give a spoiled brat a sports car and chicks will line up for his shallow mind and lame-ass sex performance.

Give a girl a 2-piece bikini on a beach and guys will become her good dogs for one whole day, and night if you're lucky.

There's nothing to be proud of.

A guy like me, I assure you, no girl would ever take a glance at me, if 'hardware' is what they look for. Well, certain parts, yes they would DROOL for it but that only after they proved they deserve it. *yawn*
It's obvious; I'm not rich in fact I'm a broke migga (Malay wannabe nigga), I'm bad-looking ugly-duckling, I don't even own a car, and I'm so kampung, girls would rather date a dog than me. Whatever with the big "W".

HARDWARE. HARDWEAR. Whichever you want to spell it.

Now now, the SOFTWARE.

This is rather interesting. Software is something you can UPGRADE, and IMPROVE. Take a look at one obvious example: Computers.

Hardware, you need to change the components when you want to upgrade. Which is utterly impossible to humans at some point. Unless, yes you have all the money and you wanna end up like the King of Plop.

Software, once it's in your brain, you can always upgrade it by improving your understanding on that particular subject.

Same goes to any thing and every thing. Let's try the 'proud to be Malaysian' or 'Malaysia Boleh(kot!)' topic. You can do something not only on the surface level, but to gain more knowledge and make it happen. Make something happen.

Geniuses throughout time, never compromises SOFTWARE. It builds human development. It's crazy, things you can possibly do with your BRAIN.

BRAIN. You can never go wrong with it.

What makes a genius? 10% intelligence, 90% hardwork. 10% aspiration, 90% perspiration. However you want to justify it.

If you could go and have a partner, which category would you go for? The Hardware, or the Software?

Funny, because now, deep down, everyone is lying to themselves. Most will instantly say,"I'd go for the brain, any time!" but actually the truth they might say,"At this point I just want a cute face."

It's pathetic, whenever you meet someone, you hear people talk,"He's Eurasian." Or,"He drives a Beemer." Or,"He's a son of a Datuk. You should go out with him." Datuk kepala hotak kau.

Ha ha ha I sounded angry, didn't I? No I'm not.

I find it amusing, entertaining and tickling whenever these kind of situations encountered me.

Another thing is, sometimes these people, they think they're smart already, they think if they read every fucking newspapers in the world, they are smart or intelligent. The fact is, they are trying too hard to look smart they end up looking more stupid. Why the fuck do you have to read the same thing? And do not forget Harian Metro: Akhbar Tidak Bertamadun.

What the fuck wei? If you want to improve yourself just do it and shut the fuck up. It's better for you to share with other people what you've read, rather than tell people you read every fucking thing on earth and yet you're still weak and lame whenever you deliver stories. Well read this: FUCK OFF, POSERS!

Shit this is getting way out of my topic. Which is fine by me ha ha ha. I'm always out of topic, always everywhere and ended up nowhere. I'm twisted. Shit, is that a good thing?

Some people can be ignorant and just go for Hardware. Too bad.

Very few people, will look deeper than that, Software. Potential. Possibility.

Choose, whether to be someone and make a difference or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.

Dem yuh!

Kisah Cinta Dua Dunia.

Semalam sekali lagi gua lambat keluar lunch. Lapar tapi rasa macam malas nak makan. Sekarang selera gua dah makin susut. Gua dah tak breakfast, lepas tu lunch lewat petang, dinner pula kadang-kadang saja. Kalau lapar pun gua biarkan kelaparan gua mengunyah sedih dalam hati. Berkesan. Serius, kalau lu orang ada yang tengah sedih atau rasa 'kosong' dalam jiwa, jangan makan atau sebaik-baiknya berpuasa. Boleh juga biasa-biasakan diri bulan Ramadhan dah dekat. Kebaikan 'kurang makan' ni hati jadi lagi tenang, save duit sikit (ini tipu, lepas tu gua belanja buat benda haram lain), dan yang cun juga, boleh susut badan sikit. Tapi part yang last tu gua masih gagal. Berat masih 71kg. Berat telor kot.

Oke sambung cerita asal.

Kerja gua sangatlah banyak sampai gua tak tahu mana nak start. So gua buat kerja PFI gua separuh jalan, lepas tu gua mengantuk. Lapar tapi mengantuk. Macam tak synchro. Gua masih berdegil tak mahu makan, boleh tahan lagi sejam dua ni.

Tiba-tiba gua teringat nak dengar lagu Isabella olahan segar Joe Flizzow. Lagu yang sungguh legend ini asalnya dinyanyikan oleh tak lain tak bukan kumpulan rock lagenda, Search. Siapa tak kenal band ni sila mengaku sekarang juga pada gua biar gua luku belakang tengkuk dia kasi darah lancar sikit naik ke otak. Arwah atuk gua pun tahu lagu ni. Al-Fatihah kepada roh atuk gua.

Gua pun cari file dalam PC gua, lepas tu gua layan...

Ish, kena cari lirik ni!

Gua pun cari lah guna Google. Jumpa. Cun melecun.

Sambil dengar lagu kali kedua sambil tu nyanyi sambil baca lirik sambil rapping gaya Joe Flizzow sambil cuba buat gaya Jay-Z sorang-sorang depan PC ni dah macam haram. Nak hilang mengantuk punya pasal. Celaka betul.

Lirik lagu tu agak straight-forward, gua suka juga lah. Terbayang-bayang pula macam gua tengah bercinta dengan awek Indonesia nama Isabella yang gua jumpa masa naik flight AirAsia nak pergi Jakarta (boleh beli tiket kapal terbang pergi Jakarta kat SINI!). Pehh, mesti lah awek tu cun kan? Gua memang suka gadis Indonesia. Dapat yang macam muka Asmirandah pun dah oke. Melayang beb.

I have nothing else to say about this lady but: Woot woot!

Tapi tengah gua khayal-khayal sikit tu (ini pasal lah dah jadi tak betul bila musik dah mula mengkhayalkan/melalaikan manusia jahil macam gua) tiba-tiba otak gua tersampuk satu cerita cinta agung yang gua dah tengok filem dia berulang-ulang kali.

William Shakespeare's ROMEO & JULIET.

Filem arahan Baz Luhrmann ni memang epik kepada gua. Terlalu indah. Gua sayang cerita ni. Serius. Emosi gua memang boleh jadi tak menentu tiap-tiap kali gua layan filem ni. Sekejap gua senyum, sekejap gua sedih, sekejap gua kagum, sekejap gua nak pergi toilet kencing. Macam-macam lah. Tak payah gua nak cerita banyak, macam Nabil Raja Lawak cakap (tapi gua edit sikit), "Lu tengoklah sendiri!"

Lantas otak gua kencang berfungsi, seolah-olah memanggil gua untuk membuat sesuatu.

Sesuatu.

Sesuatu..

Sesuatu...

Ching! *bunyi macam tiba-tiba dapat idea keluar macam bintang-bintang dengan bunga api*

Yes!

Gua nak tulis sebuah puisi Romeo & Juliet versi BudakNakal.

Gua pun mula menulis. Lebih kurang dua jam juga gua merapu dan merapu dan merepek, konon-konon macam Shakespeare sedang menghasilkan karya agung. Konon.

Siap.

Habis dua jam gua rasa.

Gua akan postkan hasil tulisan gua yang penuh cacat cela ini. Bacalah, mungkin akan memberi sedikit makna cinta dalam hidup kita.

One more thing, this poem is rather long. I mean, the longest I've ever written. In two hours. Give me 5 hours and I could write a whole book ha ha ha. Anyway, ENJOI.

Kisah Cinta Dua Dunia.

Ku mencintainya seperti diriku Romeo Montague dan dia Juliet Capulet ku.

Kisah dua jiwa yang dipisah tapi tidak mungkin terpisah,
Asahkan pedangmu Tybalt aku tahu engkau memang gagah,
Angkat pedangmu tikam aku cantas aku namun cintaku takkan goyah!
Kerah segala askar-askar Capulet mu aku tidak kisah,
Hanya Juliet tempat segala lurah hidup ku serah.

Kau benci perdamaian seperti kau benci seluruh Montague dan juga diriku,
Peperangan dua keluarga ini hanya membuat musnah segala jadi hancur,
Tak guna berperang Tybalt menang jadi arang, kalah jadi abu,
Ikut rasa binasa, ikut hati mati, ikut nafsu lesu,
Berat hatiku luluh jantungku, oh Juliet kenapa semua ini perlu?

Percintaan yang penuh benci, kebencian yang penuh cinta,
Katakan padaku Benvolio mengapa waktu dukaku sungguh lama?
Tanpa cinta segalanya bagai tidak berpenghujung,
Bila bercinta segalanya bagai sudah di penghujung,
Ada dan tiada dalam diri ku tetap usung cinta hatiku penuh murung.

Aku cintakan kau Juliet, bagai panah yang ditusuk,
Oleh si Cupid bersayap yang terbang dengan busur tersedia,
Darahmu nafasmu degup jantungmu dalam diriku bagai disusuk,
Biar masa semakin suntuk hatiku padamu semakin istimewa.

Adakah cinta itu sungguh indah, lembut dan halus?
Atau tajam dan kasar seperti duri pada bunga ros?
Jika cinta berkasar, berkasarlah kau dengan cinta,
Tikam cinta dengan cinta, biar cinta tewas pada cinta.

Tolonglah aku Mercutio berikan aku semangatmu,
Aku lemah bila cinta memanggilku,
Bawalah ku menari biarku cari sang cintaku Juliet,
Biarkan dia dalam pelukanku biar ku bawa dia terbang,
Biar segalanya hilang biar aku dan dia hilang.

Oh Romeo dimanakah geranganmu wahai Romeo,
Biar ku sentuh tanganmu dan genggam jemarimu,
Mengapa kau ditakdir jadi musuh keluargaku,
Cintaku hadir dari kebencianku,
Katakanlah kau bukan seorang Montague, nafikanlah yang kau seorang Montague,
Atau aku bersumpah, aku tidak akan lagi menjadi Capulet!

Ada apa dengan Montague?
Bukan tangan, bukan muka, bukan tangan, bukan kaki,
Atau mana sahaja anggota badan milik seorang lelaki,
Jadilah nama yang lain wahai Romeo,
Seperti memanggil sekuntum bunga ros dengan nama baru,
Tapi baunya masih seharum yang selalu,
Adakah kau bukan Romeo dan seorang Montague?

Oh Juliet aku tidak hiraukan namaku jika keduanya tidak kau setuju,
Yang ku mahu hanya dirimu, dan yang kau mahu hanya diriku,
Aku bersumpah dengan bulan purnama dan cahaya yang bersinar,
Jujur hatiku padamu mengangkat kau jadi permaisuriku.

Oh Romeo jangan kau bersumpah pada bulan purnama,
Seperti mana bulan berubah setiap masa dan warna,
Adakah cintamu padaku akan begitu juga?
Jangan bersumpah kepada sesiapa atau apa-apa,
Walaupun hatiku sungguh gembira, sabarlah wahai Romeo,
Telah ku ikrarkan padamu tiga perkataan, dan selamat malam,
Ku menantimu esok hari dengan berita gembira.

Juliet katakan tidak pada cinta si Paris,
Jangan biar sumpah yang digaris diguris,
Jangan hancurkan hatiku dan biarkan aku kesedihan,
Kerana berpisah bagaikan kesedihan yang indah,
Maka malam ini kulalui hingga esok yang pasti indah.

Wahai Lawrence kaulah tempat aku mengadu,
Satukanlah aku dan Juliet dan katakanlah padaku,
Kerna segala yang ku mahu tidak lain dan hanya satu,
Untuk Juliet aku serahkan hidupku dan matiku,
Lawrence, malam ini kau tunaikan janjimu.

Oh Tybalt, oh Mercutio
Tak sudahkah kau berdua berdendam berkesumat?
Bergaul dan lupakan segala benci yang tersemat,
Berpatah balik dari segala yang sudah tidak perlu,
Aku dan Juliet sudah berikrar menjadi satu.

Oh Romeo, aku Mercutio tak mungkin Tybalt mampu melukaiku,
Tapi ku tahu nyawaku sudah di penghujung dunia,
Esok kau akan menjumpai aku sebagai ahli kuburan,
Dan celaka akan menimpa kedua keluargamu.
Montague dan Capulet, celaka kepada kedua keluargamu!

Kenapa perlu kau bunuh Mercutio wahai Prince of Cat?
Kau tahu saudaraku itu tidak punya apa niat,
Hanya menegakkan yang tak pernah kita lihat,
Demi Mercutio akan ku tuntut darahnya dengan darahmu,
Pedangku lama ku simpan sekarang kau rasakan!

Oh Romeo, kenapa perlu tumpah darah dan airmata?
Baru sehari aku menjadi permaisuri dan kau menjadi raja,
Sekarang kau harus tinggalkan aku bertemankan airmata, duka?
Lawrence, berikan aku racun agar ku tinggalkan dunia.
Hidup ini tiada makna bila rajaku Romeo oh Romeo bakal tiada,
Romeo, biar ku telan dunia ini dan segala isinya.

Balthasar! Gerangan apakah berita buruk yang kau sampaikan,
Sepanjang kepergianku yang hanya ku mimpi hanya Juliet,
Dan kini permaisuri, kau telah pergi dari dunia fana,
Hidupku tiada erti lagi, aku akan bersemadi dengan Juliet,
Malam ini, biar segala menjadi abadi.

Crusty berikanku akar kepada segala kemusnahan jiwa,
Kerna aku sudah tiada jiwa, hatiku sudah tiada,
Ambil emas ini gantikan padaku racun itu,
Supaya aku hentikan jantungku dan bersama Juliet, aku bertemu.

Oh cintaku, oh permaisuriku, kematian telah menyedut kemaduan nafasmu,
Namun tiada kuasa yang dapat mengambil kecantikanmu itu,
Bibirmu dan pipimu dan segala di antaranya tidak terusik oleh kematian,
Di sini, kau dan aku akan melabuhkan cinta agung yang terlarang,
Mataku, tanganku, dan bibirku mengetuk pintumu, dan ku kunci dengan ciuman terakhir yang pertama,
Selamat datang, kematian yang asyik,
Dengan ciuman ini, tinggallah dunia.

Lihatlah kebencian yang kau undang dalam dunia,
Biar semua dihukum, biar semua dihukum!
Pagi yang tenang, matahari pun tidak mampu menyembunyikan kemurungan,
Kepada yang terlepas dan yang dihukum,
Tiada kisah cinta agung yang lebih sayu,
Melainkan kisah si Juliet dan si Romeo...

*******

Kalau lu orang baca mesti rasa macam bodoh betul tulisan gua ni, kan? Tapi gua saja yang faham apa yang gua tulis. That's the most fascinating thing in life:

Only we alone, besides GOD ALMIGHTY, who knows what's in our own individual mind.

Dem yuh!

Kisah malang yang berdarah

Dah dua minggu gua belasah hari gua sampai pagi. Dari pagi sampai pagi. Setiap hari. Bangun pagi jam 9-10 itu macam, lepas tu pergi kerja belasah kerja-kerja gua yang menimbun macam tempat pelupusan sampah dekat Kepong sana tu. Sebab apa gua cakap macam tempat pelupusan sampah? Sebab gua ni macam mesin melupuskan sampah sarap kerja yang orang lain tak boleh buat atau tak nak buat, gua lah yang kena buat. Pelbagai jenis kerja/sampah yang gua kena buat. Tapi gua memang steady, lagi banyak kena campak kerja/sampah pada gua, lagi bagus. Lagi banyak gua belajar, lagi kuat dan laju otak gua berfungsi, lagi cepat gua boleh jadi Perdana Menteri Malaysia.

Gua akan lunch dalam jam 4 petang, lepas tu sambung kerja. Sampai jam 7 kena turun kedai bawah sebab kena pergi minum bersama-sama Table of Four Committee (bukan The Jackson Five). Dalam jam 7.30 gua naik ofis sambung kerja sampai jam 9.30 malam.

Setiap Isnin dan Rabu gua akan main futsal 10-11 malam, lepas tu pergi makan dekat 223 sana sampai jam 2 pagi (sila klik di 223 untuk tahu rahsia terbaru). Sekurang-kurangnya. Selasa pula gua pergi main basketball dari 10-12 malam. Malam basketball gua jarang lepak sebab budak-budak tu komited kerja. Esok kena kerja la apa la. Semua orang pun kena kerja. Apa daa...

Tapi semalam ada terjadi sebuah kisah agak malang.

Kitaorang main basketball macam biasa 10-12 malam. Gua memang tak sihat sangat; ankle kanan gua terseliuh sebab jatuh masa main basketball minggu lepas, shin kiri gua pula kena rembat dengan mamat mana entah masa main futsal minggu lepas juga. Dua-dua tempat gua pernah patah dan retak suatu masa dahulu. Awsem.

Tengah seronok bersukan, melompat-lompat bagai, tiba-tiba...

Gedegang!

Kepala berlaga dengan siku Umar Zayeed. Berpinar-pinar. Nampak bintang. Pandangan kabur.

Darah.

Demmit.

"Pergi tandas cepat, cuci darah tu."

Menitik-nitik darah. Sah mesti koyak kepala ni.

Comel kan koyak tu? Nampak saja kecil, tapi darah memancut dah macam pili bomba pecah. Baru lah jantan beb.

"Rilek. Meh sini aku tengok sikit." "Hmm sah koyak kening kau ni."

"Umar, pergi minta kapas dengan ubat dekat kaunter. Minta dengan uncle."

"Lepas ni kita pergi klinik terus lah. Mesti kena jahit ni, kurang-kurang tiga."

Ini bukan telur separuh masak. Ini ubat kuning bercampur darah.

Pening, pitam semua ada. Mata rasa macam pedih saja. Muka dah macam nak bengkak. Habis session, terus chow pergi cari klinik area rumah gua. Gua perasan ada satu klinik 24-jam. Boleh lah.

Sampai klinik, terus daftar dekat kaunter, sebab kes emergency, terus dapat masuk, tak payah tunggu lama-lama, nanti lama-lama dia diambil orang.

Setel. Tiga jahit. Kena RM100 juga. Gampang.

Muka nak cas sihat walafiat. Blah lah.

He he he sebenarnya bukan gua yang kena, tapi member gua encik Bala @ Shahril Yaakob. Encik Bala ni besfren gua dari Form 1, satu dorm, satu kelas, satu team basketball dengan gua, partner in crime, segala. Tapi dia ni tak ada criminal record, gua pula......... Dia main hustle sangat, lepas tu pakai glasses, memang peluang nak kena tinggi la. Tu lah Bala lain kali pakai lah contact lense! Pemalas!

Gua sempat singgah kedai DVD haram sebelah klinik tu. Mana tahu ada filem menarik boleh gua kaji pula. Tapi gua jumpa benda ni:

Gua sempat tangkap satu gambar saja sebab macha yang kerja kat situ ingat gua spy polis, dia dah usha ketat kat gua macam Sivaji The Boss

Terbit rasa pelik dalam hati gua. Masa mamat ni masih hidup, macam-macam lu orang panggil dia; monyet lah, King of Plop lah, child mollester lah, black trying to be white lah, apa lancau semua lah. Sekarang dia dah masuk kubur baru lah semua orang nak pasang lagu dia, nak menangis lah, nak beli jaket merah Thriller dia lah, nak apply jadi ahli Jackson Five lah, entah apa-apa lagi. Konsert dia dekat KL dulu pun lu tak pergi, nak claim kipas-susah-mati, konon. Get a fucking life, posers.

Kisah malang gua diakhiri dengan sesi makan Nasi Kandar Makbul sebab gua sudah teman Bala pergi klinik so dia belanja gua makan. Nasi kuah banjir, ayam goreng dengan telur rebus kasi hancur, lepas tu gaul dengan nasi. Teh O' Ais. Memang best geng.

Bala chow awal lepas Table of Four Committee datang untuk bersidang. Gua yang suruh dia chow, kalau tidak nanti dia drive kereta tu lepas tu mengantuk nanti langgar divider kat Salak South sana lagi sekali pula, susah gua nak kena pergi rescue.

Gua dan ahli majlis lepak lagi; minum, makan, kunyah, hisap rokok, hisap rokok lagi, order air lagi, thosai, meggi goreng telur mata powder, segala gosip keluar, bisnes buah jambu 88, segala masalah negara sampai hal nak mengurat awek pun jadi topik. Sedar-sedar dah jam 4 pagi. Jahanam.

Tak boleh jadi. Semua orang balik.

Sampai rumah. Gua dengan tak mandi, bau macam longkang tersumbat dekat rumah gua yang kalau tersumbat mesti gua yang kena jadi buruh kasar kasi korek balik sampai clear. Apalah nasibku ini. Gua terus loncat atas tilam, pasang lagu puitis-puitis dalam henpon gua, bajet nak layan tidur.

Entah apahal pula tak boleh tidur ni. Sebutir-sebutir lagu gua dengar jelas. Tak mengantuk, badan letih gila tapi otak nak suruh gua fikir sesuatu. Nak fikir apa lagi la otak?! Kepala hotak lu lah otak, gua nak tidur ni!!!

Gua rasa gua lelap jam 5.30 pagi. Bangun jam 8.30 pagi sebab Ma call, dia tanya bila nak balik rumah, dia rindu. Gua cakap tunggu hujung minggu, itu pun tak tentu. Kerja gua kan macam tempat pelupusan sampah sekarang ni.

Dem yuh!

Wipe your tears

I know by posting this song I might look like a pussy. Owh, did I forgot to mention, this is my blog? So fuck off, haters.

Oh yeah I feel better now.

This is actually the first Thailand song I can sing along (karaoke). Nice song, very deep and it has the aura to feed on my sadness ha ha ha.

English translation is provided because I think it's better for you to understand why I love this song.

In this video, P'Bank (P' means 'elder' in appropriate Siamese language, and Bank is the singer's name) of Clash (one of the biggest rock band in Thailand) duets with Marsha Wattanapanich. Perfect. And Marsha, she's a hot-bomb mommy. Demmit!

Enjoy this song, and read the lyrics. Maybe you'll find something useful to feed yours too. It's called "Wipe Your Tears" in English or Kor Chet Num Tah in Siamese.

Wipe your tears, can you see me now?
Do you know who I am, or have you forgotten already?
I'm the same person as I used to be
The person who still loves you whatever happens
Even though you've abandoned me

And today you've been abandoned by him
And I know how much it hurts
If you don't object, I want to hold you in my arms
Have you lay your head on my shoulder
We can believe in each other, trust each other this time

I haven't come to take advantage of you when you're weak
Just to help and look after you, I haven't come to replace him

I know that I can't replace him
And I know that he's the only one in your heart
All I ask is to softly dry your tears
As I used to do for you when we were lovers

It doesn't matter
I'm not asking you to come back to me
I know where I should be
Although I love you
I've never thought of trying to force you to come back
I just don't want to see you as sad as this

I haven't come to take advantage of you when you're weak
Just to help and look after you, I haven't come to replace him

I know that I can't replace him
And I know that he's the only one in your heart
All I ask is to softly dry your tears
As I used to do for you when we were lovers.

Dem yuh!

I've been...

Kicked, punched, hit, stabbed, strangled, tortured, robbed, under-appreciated, betrayed, promised, lied to, spat on and over looked.

The only reason I am still alive in this world is to see

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

"If you've never been there you can't imagine how it feels,
and if you have you can't imagine how it doesn't."

Dem yuh!

Sick again.

I think I am going to be sick again.

My immune system is not as strong as they used to. I was a healthy kid throughout my younger years, but it became worse few years back after my horrible accident, and a few weeks after that incident, I was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. It's considered one of the mild strokes. On the face. Like, half of my left face won't move. My motoric nerves were paralyzed. Luckily my sensoric nerves were still functional at that time. It means, I can still feel pressure, tickle, heat and such.

Actually I had few major unfortunate incidents. I got into plenty of accidents, involving many parts of my body. I broke my right arm when I was too little to remember. What I remember was from photo (I will try to look for it) and I remembered that time I had to X-Ray my arm. It was bloody painful. And no, breaking any bones in your body is really not a good idea. But yeah it happened to me.

My first stitches when I was 4 or 5 I think. Tripped over someone's leg at this one McDonalds outlet in Bangsar, and hit my head on a bucu of the wall. Fainted. Woke up, 4 stitches on my eyebrow. Well I don't wanna check now, because I see myself everyday so I can't remember left or right, but you can see if you take a close look at it.

Then I dislocated my jaw when I was in standard one, thanks to main kejar-kejar with some friends before class started. I accidentally crashed myself with another boy who's pushing his bicycle in the school compound, and his handle bar was crushed into my mouth. No, I crushed into his bicycle. Fuck. And yes, dislocated my jaw, lost few teeth, stitches in my mouth, and knocked out for one day. Not bad for a 7-year old.

Standard two, I fell from a collapsed pagar sekolah. Ha ha ha.. I fell about 3 metres high. Still have that stitches on my left knee. Awesome.

After that I lost count on stitches. Seriously. Unless it's a major accident with some interesting incidents and story lines. Other than that, I don't keep score.

Owh, I fractured my left ankle when I was in standard six. Playing football. Not really interesting, except I had to ride my bicycle home with growing pain and everything else. I didn't stop me though.

Then, when I was in secondary school (I think form five that time) I was stung by a swarm of wasps but precisely, it was tebuan tanah. It's different from normal ones you normally see, the black with the orange-stripes insect. This one was like black all the way, no stripes, bigger than normal and their nest is not on the tree, it's on the ground. Hence, tebuan tanah. I was stung by at least 10 on them bastards. I was hospitalized for one night to stabilize my body temperature and to observe if there's any complication or cardiac arrest or any of that crazy shit. Demm.. Doctor said I must keep away from any possible lethal threat especially those that stings, and bites (except girls which I don't mind) or I could suffer some mind-fucked shit. Up until now, I'm paranoid with bees or wasps or hornets, and especially snakes. Fuck I would pass out if there's a snake. Demmit.

In matriculation, I broke my left wrist playing basketball. He he he. I was sent to hospital, then that time the MA (Medical Assistant) was in insufficient numbers so my friend named Katak unwillingly had to help the only MA there to pull my screwed-up wrist back in the right position. Nasty. Fuck. Called my dad from hospital, told him what happened, he laughed, and asked,"So after this gantung kasut lah (retire from basketball)?" I said,"Of course... not. I'll play again when I'm recovered (doesn't have to be fully recovered right?)". Dad laughed then daddy passed the phone to mummy. Mummy was shocked, cried, almost passed out and wanted to visit me there and then. I said no need, I'll be fine. Went back to my hostel, ate some food and painkillers, and tried to sleep. Again my friends, breaking a bone or bones really not a nice feeling. Ask Ami, he was my roommate that time. He had to take care of me. Thanks man. And the worst part when you need to shit, fuck how am I gonna clean my asshole? Don't imagine, and certainly don't break your left hand. And more to that, I'm a lefty. I can't write shit when I go to classes and I can't do test and shit. It's actually a good thing because I didn't have to send my assignments and shit, plus chicks dig adventurous guy, don't they?

Finally the September 1st 2006, THE INCIDENT. I don't want to write more, check the stupid story HERE.

After that shit happened, I tried to stay out of trouble. I'm prone to accidents. But there must be a reason for everything, right? Maybe I am destined to get myself into accidents, so that people I love around me won't get hurt. If that's the case, I don't mind, at all. I rather get into troubles and pains if that would save people that I truly love from getting into that situation. I'm not a noble guy, I'm far from anything that can be labeled as "kind, nice, etc." Sakit itu mencuci dosa-dosa kecil.

Now with the piling works and out gung-ho every night seems to be working really well, thanks to the support system from my beloved F&F. The only downside of it is that I think I might be falling sick again. I hope I will not die just yet. Hope is what we have.

Dem yuh!