Transformer found in Malaysia!

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Watch out, they are everywhere among us..........

Dem yuh!

Herbs for sickness

I went out last weekend. I hate it but I had to. I don't feel anything now. Just numb. But what the hell, just go out and make some mess, ain't it right son?

No mood to write long, I am sick now. So sick. Enjoy the stupid pictures.

Good invention. I wonder if they have "Smash Head Device" in the inventory, as I would probably get one. For my own use. Kinky, ain't I?

I love rituals. I respect certain things regarding rituals. Because I am spi-ritual. And this, my friends, is one of the most-saluted ritual of all time. Salud!

The herbal medicine for mental sickness. See the same device like the perforated spoon in picture two and three. Yes. And yes it is taboo.

I downed one too many shots. I got lost that night. I know it won't do me any good, but what do you know about me?

Dem yuh!

Misery Hearts Club: Volume 1

Life is too short to be angry or mad at anyone or anything.
Good things never last, but better things will come.

Dem yuh!

A toast..

I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking.

If you're going to lie, lie for the one you love.
If you're going to steal, steal a heart.
If your going to cheat, cheat death.
And if you're going to drink,
drink with me.
*******

Kesakitan

Gua senang sakit.
Siapa yang tahu, tahulah.
Siapa yang tak tahu, tak mengapalah.

Sekarang gua sangat sakit.
Pecah.
Pilu.
Koyak.
Rabak.
Luka.
Sedih.
Pedih.
Sad.
Devastated.
Lonely.
Terrible.
Horrible.
Torn.
Frustrated.
Confused.
Grief.
Scared.
Tired.
Overwhelmed.
Shocked.
Embarrassed.
Guilty.
Uneasy.
Panic.
Disappointed.
Miserable.

How do I eliminate these feelings? Will somebody please, help me.

Hampa.

Kupejamkan mata ini mencuba untuk melupakan segala kenangan indah tentang dirimu, tentang mimpiku. Semakin aku mencuba, bayangmu semakin nyata merasuk hingga ke jiwa. Tuhan, tolonglah diriku.

Tak mungkin aku ingkari, engkaulah satu-satunya yang mampu membuat jiwaku yang pernah mati menjadi bererti. Namun kini kau menghilang bagaikan ditelan bumi. Tak penahkah kau sedar erti cintamu untukku?

Entah di mana dirimu berada. Hampa terasa hidupku tanpa dirimu. Apakah di sana kau rindukan aku seperti diriku yang selalu merindukanmu?

Aku sentiasa merindukanmu.

Beast in Man

This is a test. To see if I keep on writing would heal me or otherwise. If it does, then I'll stick to writing and do whatever I must to help me heal myself. If it doesn't, then I'll stop again. But I'll be back. Be patience.

*******

This is a bit difficult. When we're at a left-or-right junction, we think, and we decide the best option to choose like how a man should think and act, which is usually hard and hurtful at the beginning after you made that decision but normally and expectedly very rewarding at the end of the road. This is what we call "critical thinking" and "cause-and-effect" approach.

But sadly, most of the times, we acted like a beast. We chose the easier, self-defense, deceiving and short-minded way. Thus, it leads to the destruction and regret and foolish.

Here, I'll share my poem. I wrote it last night, in the middle of the haywire in my mind. Swim with me.


Beast in Man

To be a man
Or to be a beast
To hold your hand
So you won't get pissed

To be a man
Or to be a beast
Love me while you can
Without any risk

To be a man
Or to be a beast
Sleep in the lion's den
Lie with me in peace

To be a man
Or to be a beast
Walk with me till the end
Until the death kissed

It's true. By Fad.

Do you see what I see?

So WHENEVER you have two options in life, ask yourself,"To be a man, or to be a beast?"

How do we say it?

Dem yuh!

Wish not granted

"Most human beings have an absolute and infinite capacity for taking things for granted, especially to other human beings. More accurately, to people who actually love them the most."

How could I not agree more?

Life was never easy, is never easy and will never be easy. To those who thinks it is easy, simple, just follow through, go with the flow and other bullshits, let me tell you one thing; It's a fucking joke.

However, that is not what I want to write about.

I want to write about one thing that always depresses me. I want to say something about people who take things for granted.

Why do I say ALWAYS?

Because just when I thought I have given, and commit, and devoted myself to others, and what you get is only some pieces of nothingness?

Every fucking time.

I'm not saying that I've always been there for other people around me, in fact a number of occasions I was not even there to do or to say anything. But not anymore. Now that I realized I have such a huge responsibilities and commitments I must stick to, I'm trying what I could, whatever I could to always be there for someone dear to me. In the middle of the night, at times I have nothing, no money, during my work hours, during my sleep, I keep myself ready to be there for them.

But I guess life is never fair.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."

I am going to stop writing. I don't know how long. Until I regained myself, pick up every pieces that has been smashed. I risked my life one too many, and thanks to nothing.

I can't help but cry, but I will wipe my tears, and hopefully, just hopefully, I will move on.

Till we meet again.

Mass Mis-Communication

I decided to write this because recently, my girlfriend Aydan has just started her diploma in Mass Communication. I thought it was a good decision from her, since she is a very smart young lady with certain qualities and talents especially in writing, artistic ideas and she has what it is needed to excel in her studies. I personally and honestly think this is something she would love to do now, and in the future.

And the better part is, she emails me every notes that was given to her by the lecturer, so I can learn from home and not having to pay and go for the classes myself. It's a two-in-one package. It makes an economic-sense, no?

So I was called to write something about this matter. As I've few times mentioned the importance of communication in daily life, especially in the office, with friends, or even to your life partner. And to understand the basics of communication, here are the major parts in human face to face communication:

- 55% of impact is determined by body language—postures, gestures, and eye contact,
- 38% by the tone of voice, and
- 7% by the content or the words used in the communication process.

But that's not what I wish to write about now. I want to write a little bit about Mass Communication.

Mass communication is the term used to describe the academic study of the various means by which individuals and entities relay information through mass media to large segments of the population at the same time. It is usually understood to relate to newspaper and magazine publishing, radio, television and film, as these are used both for disseminating news and for advertising. (Wikipedia: Mass communication)

In shorter explanation, mass communication is a production or transmission of messages that are consumed and received by large audience.

The functions of Mass Communication are for:

- Surveillance
- Correlation
- Socialization
- Entertainment
- Advertising or Commercializing

There are many techniques to distribute and to transmit messages to a massive number of people, such as:
- Internet
- Television
- News papers, magazines, books, journal
- Radio
- Movies/Film

At the same time, there are effects of Mass Communication to the audience:
- The audience can be controlled through messages
- The audience can be misinformed through messages
- Limits individuality
- Possible change in behaviors, attitudes and beliefs of the audience.

These explanations might be too formal and I wish I am good enough to tell a better story. I will, in time.

Alright, enough with some learning today. I have a good example of Mass Communication Gone Wrong. This is just a simple one, and yet, can caused us a lot of trouble.

Have fun reading.

*******

Memo from CEO to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse from the sun. This is where the sun dissapears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something taht cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen everyday.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun dissapear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo from Floor Manager to Superior:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Memo from Superior to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO dissapear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

*******

Don't ask "To where?" if you are not ready to hear the answer

Dem yuh!

Kisah selipar di zaman silam.

*******
1995.

Keputusan Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah diumumkan.

Gua tak goyang sikit pun, gua konfiden mesti dapat 4A punya lah. Mana tidak, daripada darjah satu sampai darjah enam gua mesti top 10 sekolah. Dalam kelas komfem lah gua top 3 setiap tahun. Tiap-tiap hujung tahun mesti naik pentas dapat hadiah kecemerlangan.

Tapi yang gua agak teruja dengan UPSR ni sebab ada gua dengar desas-desus cakap gua mungkin nasib baik saja, sebab gua sekolah kat kampung. Soalan ujian ke periksa akhir tahun mesti kacang saja sebab standard kampung. Suara-suara sumbang ni cakap kalau gua betul-betul terer gua kena dapat 4A dalam UPSR, dan kalau LAGI terer gua kena dapat offer masuk asrama. Diaorang bandingkan gua dengan abang gua yang dapat masuk SPB, Sekolah Menengah Sains Sultan Abdul Halim, Jitra, Kedah. Pakcik gua dua orang dapat masuk Malay College Kuala Kangsar, bapak gua pun dapat tawaran tapi itu time dia sakit jadi terpaksa let go. Anak pakcik gua pun dapat masuk MCKK juga. Kabel lah tu...

Oke ini memang cabaran lah, gua memang pantang dicabar.

Seperti yang gua bajet, gua dapat 4A. Gua balik rumah gembira, gembira sebab gua buktikan kat mak bapak gua, gua memang eksellen. Ha ha ha muda-muda dah bongkak.

Pendekkan cerita, semua orang happy, gua lagi happy dapat bertimbun-timbun hadiah dan duit poket, semua orang puji gua memang pandai hampir-hampir nak jadi genius, dan gua buktikan gua dapat masuk sekolah berasrama penuh a.k.a SBP. Hah!

Dapat surat tawaran daripada Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia. Woot woot!

Sekolah Menengah Sains Kuala Selangor???!!! Sekolah apa tu? Tak pernah gua dengar. Sekolah baru???!!! Kenapa bukan MCKK??!!

Gua dapat tau daripada Kementerian masa tu (bapak gua yang tanyakan) gua sebenarnya layak masuk MCKK, tapi diaorang ada kuota nak kena bagi dekat anak-anak VIP dan royalty. Hah! Terus gua hilang mood, apa barang masuk asrama pakai kabel. Tak gentle.

*******
8 September 1996.

Gua jejak kaki kat SMSKS. Ya Rabbi tempat macam gurun Sahara. Padang jarak padang tekukur.
Kecewa tu memang lah agak kecewa tapi gua tak heran sangat lah, gua ni adaptable, mana tempat lu campak gua pun gua belasah saja.

Entah mana lah gua kena campak ni

First Batch 1996.
Siapalah bengap sangat ni ambil gambar senget. Juling ke apa?!

*******
2009.

KUSESS (selepas rebranding)

Gua teringat zaman gua dekat KUSESS. Sekolah ni suatu masa dahulu memang ada satu penyakit. Sangat teruk, sangat membimbangkan. Tak tau lah sekarang ada lagi ke tak penyakit ni.

Penyakit hilang selipar.

Gua nak terangkan sikit senario ni, biar lu orang faham.

Ada lebih kurang 400 orang student lelaki dan 400 student perempuan, boleh dikatakan semua orang ada selipar masing-masing. Tapi hari-hari ada saja selipar hilang. Kita fahamlah, mungkin kadang-kadang tu ada selipar yang putus, selipar tenggelam dalam jamban penuh tahi sampai tak lalu nak seluk dalam lubang jamban tu atau selipar sama model dengan selipar orang lain lepas tu accidentally tertukar (selipar jepun umumnya).

Bila seorang dah hilang sebelah selipar atau sepasang, dia desperet lalu dia kebas orang lain punya selipar. Orang yang baru kena kebas tu pula kebas orang lain punya, dan seterusnya. Memang orang kata bertimpa-timpa. Macam rantaian makanan pula.

Janganlah lu biarkan benda ni duduk sorang-sorang, memang nahas

Dah macam-macam cara nak cuba ubat masalah ni, termasuklah sembahyang hajat, qiyamullail beramai-ramai, wujudkan rukun tetangga khas menangani masalah kehilangan selipar dan macam-macam lagi cara tersendiri mengikut kesedapan tekak individu.

Jawatankuasa Rukun Tetangga: Rakan Pencegah Kehilangan Selipar

Ini pilihan individu yang bengap; mangga tu lagi mahal dari selipar

Rangkaian kehilangan: Asrama - Surau. Itu saja. Tak ada tempat lain lagi.

Gua jumpa gambar asrama saja, gambar surau tak ada orang nak ambil. Cis!

Asrama puteri. Saja letak, port baeekk nak skodeng. Jahanam budak-budak ni

Masalah ini semakin pelik dan menular sebab:

1- Semakin banyak selipar yang hilang. Takkanlah hari-hari ada orang masuk lubang jamban?
2- Dah jadi macam trend pula hilang selipar.
3- Selipar cikgu/warden/pengetua pun boleh kena kebas di surau. Orang pergi surau buat ibadat kau jadi penyangak.
3- Mula melarat kepada benda lain; kolget, sabun mandi buku (wei geli betul kongsi sabun!), seluar track suit dan sebagainya. Spenda pun ada kes-kes terpencil tapi tak heboh sangat, nanti jatuh air muka.

Some things might be stolen, as we speak

Gua rasa rata-rata warga KUSESS memang pernah hilang selipar. Gua pun pernah. Sampai selipar Nike gua beli RM69 yang ada satu dalam sekolah pun boleh kena sapu. Lahanat betul.

Kali terakhir gua letak selipar gua macam ni lah. Memang macam ni (Gambar hiasan)

Penyakit ni menjadi lebih-lebih menyakitkan hati bila dah banyak sangat orang tak ada selipar lepas tu "pinjam" selipar member bilik atau bilik sebelah atau mana-mana yang dia sempat. Benda berpusing-pusing. Sekejap selipar gua ada kat depan bilik, tau-tau dah hilang sampai seminggu lepas tu gua nampak depan bilik Bala pula. Lepas tu hilang balik. Memang pelik.

Lu orang bayangkan, kita bukan cerita satu Kuala Lumpur ke satu daerah Kuala Selangor punya kes kehilangan selipar. Ini dalam sekolah saja. Epidemik gua saspek.

Nampak tak ada selipar tak cukup? Gua dah cakap penyakit ni kronik betul

Ada satu kali ni kes besar terjadi. Ustaz Amri punya selipar hilang di surau lepas sembahyang Maghrib. Ustaz Amri ni warden yang garang, tapi best serta disayangi semua student. Walaupun dia mengajar Pendidikan Agama Islam, dia agak rock dan sempoi.

Nak dijadikan cerita, lepas Maghrib, budak semua balik asrama. Tiba-tiba macam ada bunyi orang tempik kuat gila,"Siapa curi selipar saya?!!" gua dan budak-budak lain lantas terjun dari katil ke luar dorm. Uish Ustaz Amri mengamuk.

Ustaz Amri mengamuk sebab dah banyak kali sangat selipar dia dan warden-warden lain kena kebas. Kalau warden lain tu gua tau lah sebab apa hilang. Budak tak suka warden tu pernah lempang dia ke, atau denda dia jalan itik keliling surau 7 kali ke sambil awek-awek lalu balik sekolah nampak gelak-gelak sebab lu kena jalan itik pakai kain pelikat. Ha ha ha gua pun pernah kena denda-denda macam ni, memang rasa macam hilang macho terus. Rasa macam nak buat-buat pengsan biar warden cuak lepas tu gua dapat surat cuti balik rumah seminggu sampai orang lupa insiden tu. Baru padan muka warden tu. Tapi kalau gua buat-buat pengsan lagilah malu, hilanglah kejantanan gua, betul tak?

Amukan Ustaz Amri gagal menemukan beliau dengan selipar kesayangan yang dihadiahkan isteri beliau. Kesian. Tapi nak buat macam mana, memang dah jadi penyakit pandemik pula sekarang. Cuma vaksin Ustaz Amri mula memberi kesan kepada pembawa-pembawa penyakit ni. Semua sudah cuak, lepas tu dah tak berani nak kebas selipar orang lain secara terang-terangan.

Dah bebas penyakit. Vaksin berkesan!

Makin lama dah susah nak dengar kes hilang selipar, kalau ada kes-kes agak besar pun macam kes senior taiko hilang selipar dia baru lah kecoh kejap sebab taiko senior mengamuk suruh junior cari sampai dapat. Kalau tak dapat kena belanja aiskrim seminggu.

Dem yuh!

Random Snapshots #1

Something I found in my handphone saved images.

#1

My 3-year-old nephew. I put him to sleep, nicely done but you know how a boy roll. He's just like a koala bear, no shit.

#2

The unfortunate incident at Jaya Supermarket, Section 14 P.J. I was at Digital Mall last week to look for some printer inks and saw the scene myself. Condolences to the victims' families.

#3

You can see the excavators and other machinery from the ruins. My pray goes to the victims.

#4

Lastly, saw this notice in front of the elevator. Somebady shuold laern haw too speil it rigth.

Dem yuh!

Rocked.

I just got back from ROCKAWAY 2009.

Didn't bring my digicam, as I thought many would write about it. But the main reason is, if you fuckers wasn't there just now, too bad you just missed one of the best rock show ever organised. And if you did read my preview of the gig HERE and still didn't go because you think it's just another stupid gigs, seriously it's a major loss. Unless you layan Shah Indrawan bin Ismail or Khairil Azam bin Pilus which is a shame on you.

Thanks to One Buck Short and friends. It was a well-organised gig, many kids turned out and STAYED until 11-fucking-p.m to the last beat of the drums. I feel young again, for once (apart from having Aydan in my life now ha ha ha).

And as usual, I cramped my legs I don't have to explain why.

My date for the day

Okay, time to wash the sweaty clothes.



Dem yuh!

Complicated.

Kali pertama buat hatiku tertawa. Kau berbicara denganku lebih dari teman dan ku percaya tak akan mungkin kita kan berpisah.

Dengarlah...

Hubungan kita yang mungkin agak aneh, kasih berbagai jenis pasti ada pahit manis. Selalu kukatakan, "Boo, jangan terguris ku masih berpenat jerih, berlari mengejar duit." Perlahan sayang, ku masih mahu kau baring tenang bermalam disampingku. Kelakuan tidak senonoh masih terus seronok, tidak perlu gelojoh atau soalkan jodoh.

Ku menyerlah di waktu malam tapi tidak suka hubungan satu malam. Terhadapmu ku kan terus sopan, nasihat ibu, "Hati perempuan jangan mainkan." Dan hanya denganmu ku beradu tapi kadangkala ku perlu berdaku. Walau ku mau terus bercumbu ku tak kisah kita bergerak terlalu laju.

Sebentar...

Kasih, sayang, cinta.

Tidak perlu terus bersama tapi bila bertemu pasti berasmara. Masih bisa terus bercanda di pasiran pantai disinar purnama. Kadangkala di hening malam, ku kepinginkan sayang untuk bermalam. Di permukaan dikau tampak tenang tapi di lubuk hati perasaanmu mendalam. Tidak mahu kasihmu terpadam tapi api kecil juga bisa meradang. Ku mahu lebih dari kadang-kadang walau jalan terus harus pandang belakang. Ku hanya ingin kau terus riang tidak mengira waktu tapi ku membilang. Menanyakan apa istilah kita, mengapa ingin merubah perkara yang indah.

Love is just complicated

This is more simple

Dem yuh!

I hate nightmares.

Lame title. Like I care. It's like a 17-year-old girl blogging about what a horrible nightmare she had (what kind of nightmare that's not horrible anyway?). A nightmare about a dragon came to her castle (she's a princess in this nightmare - how ironic) and chases her and she runs until she goes in to the woods and surprisingly and shockingly finds herself a prince and the prince charmingly kills the dragon. What a fucking nightmare, just to imagine it.

But I have a different kind of nightmare. I'm not sure how different it is from you, and trust me, I couldn't be bothered. So just read.

*******
I fell asleep on the couch just now while watching PGA U.S Open. on the ESPN. Maybe a bit too tired and the weather was so hot I slept with sweats. After a while I woke up and felt how uncomfortable my position was, I forced myself to bed. Then fell asleep again.

In my sleep, I had a dream. Not dream. A nightmare. I don't usually have nightmares, only once in a while and most of them are just something superstitious. Ghost, mostly. Or maybe some kind of creatures with a totally screwed-up planet or just stupid things it would just went off instantly the next day.

To my personal interpretation, nightmare is something that could happen to you in real life. A dream so normal and so real but yet, so heartbreaking it involves the images of real people around you, your real job, your house or your car or most of the time, the love of your life. Sometimes you even woke up in the middle of the night, not knowing that your eyes are with tears, dropping and dripping to even sometimes weeping like a small helpless baby, only knowing that it is caused by something we called DREAM. So mysterious yet so fascinating and beautiful, how our sub-conscious mind works when we are physically and sanely on a sleep mode.

So I continued sleeping in my bed. I dreamt.

In my dream, I see someone, someone so dear and so precious to me, whom I can see clearly and I can almost feel the touch in my dream, fades away. The visual of this person dissolves like sugar in hot water, or evaporated like a big piece of iceberg at the North Pole being exposed to a very high temperature as if the Sun is just inches away from it. Extremely fast and unreachable.

For that I hear a voice,

"Don't be sad my love, for I am gone and not coming back again. For I can never come back again. Don't be sad my love, for this is the fate that has been set upon us. For this is the end of us. Don't be sad my love, for I will cherish our memories. For I will treasure it to my deepest heart."

"Don't be afraid my love, for you will find yourself someone better. For you will find the truth and the joy you deserve. Don't be afraid my love, for the past that has gone. For the future of unknown. Don't be afraid my love, to love and to be loved again. To be honest and true to your love."

"My love, please don't cry because it is over, but smile because it happened. Till death do us apart, and till we meet again in the afterlife."

*******
I woke up. My heart was pounding so fast, so unstable, breathing disorder. The sweats were cold but my body was like burning. I looked at my side, and there's no one.

A nightmare is officially a nightmare only when you wake up and feel so disoriented and insecure, and no one around you but your own self. No one to hug, no one hold you close and tell you everything's going to be alright. That my friends, are the worst kind of nightmares.

So I calmed myself down, took couple of deep breaths and stretched my body a little just to get the blood through my brain, an obvious effect for having a nightmare, not enough blood pumped to your brain and you start to hallucinate, only it's in your sleep.

I sat myself on the bed. And even I know it's only just a bad dream, I am just a weak human and littlest things in life is so powerful that you just have to go on with your life.

"Is it really get better, or you just bury it deeper? I chose you, I didn't chose any of these..."

The shortest, the hardest and the saddest word ever exists

I think I should change the title.

"I hate sad nightmares."


Dem mi!

Pagi, Buah dan Ah So (Part 2)

Gua bangun agak awal pagi ni. Jam lapan macam tu. Tapi biji mata kiri gua macam pedih aja. Macam ada biji dalam mata tu. Rimas. Gua saspek macam nak kena sakit mata. Macam time sekolah-sekolah dulu, asal malas nak pergi sekolah letak kolget lah dalam mata, ada yang tuang air bancuh tembakau lah (kepada lahanat-lahanat macam gua yang hisap rokok masa kat sekolah), ada yang sapu ubat ketiak Rexona pun ada (ini selalunya perempuan lah sebab susah nak cari rokok, kolget pula sejuk sangat nanti anak mata kecut).

Gua sms Aydan, lepas tu gua sambung tidur balik sekejap.

Bangun jam sembilan lebih sikit, mata gua memang sakit. Berair macam paip yang dah tak boleh tutup ketat. rasa macam berpasir aja dalam mata ni. Sah kena sakit mata. Tak apa lah, ini semua dugaan. Cobaaaan...

Lepas mandi dan siap-siap ala kadar pasal gua nak masuk ofis sekejap saja rasanya hari ni. Nak pergi Klinik Husin bawah ofis lepas tu mintak MC hari ni dengan esok. Sakit mata mana boleh pergi duduk dalam grup, nanti berjangkit. Lepas lunch dengan Aydan gua boleh balik rumah, lepak sampai hari Ahad. Pehh...

Dalam proses gua merempit pergi ofis, dah makin dekat gua makin rasa resah.

Nak singgah beli ke tak buah hari ni? Nak beli ke tak? Nak beli ke tak?

Hati gua ada semacam rasa nak makan buah pasal dah berapa bulan gua makan buah tiap-tiap pagi sebab nak jaga diet. Takkan sebab Ah So baru ni je gua dah nak cuak?

Dah sampai dekat traffic light CIMB gua mengharap lampu merah, boleh gua berhenti kejap sambil fikir nak singgah beli ke tak. Tapi lampu tu jeles sama gua dia warna hijau pula. Nak taknak gua kena guna teknik critical thinking yang kadang-kadang karat lebih. Nota kelas critical thinking yang Aydan kasi kat gua pun tak sempat nak belek lagi.

Ahh, singgah saja lah. Mana tau Ah So lama dah balik cuti.

Hampa.

Ah So baru sama lo kong dia juga.

"Ah So, kasi papaya, jambu sama nenas. Semua kasi potong satu kali masuk plastik. Letak asam." Gua dah malas nak ulang-ulang lagi sambil tengok Ah So baru terkial-kial, teringat time gua baru nak belajar menjahit kelas Kemahiran Hidup kat sekolah dulu.

Mungkin ini kali yang terakhir

Gua kena fikirkan benda baru yang gua boleh makan tiap pagi, yang boleh jaga diet gua.

Ah So lama lu baliklah sini cepat!

Dem yuh!

Pagi, Buah dan Ah So

Tiap-tiap pagi gua akan bangun tidur jam berapa agak susah gua nak cakap, tak tentu sangat timing otak gua ni. Kena time sihat tu bangun agak awal, kalau tengah macam-macam masalah tu terlajak, masuk ofis dah macam ofis tu bapak gua punya. Sori bos.

Bila gua bangun, gua akan golek-golek dulu, minum air kosong 500ml (bagus untuk diet), main gitar sikit (kasi naik mood) baru lah gua pergi main air dalam jamban.

Tak payah cerita detail sangat aktiviti gua dalam jamban tu, karang luorang tak keruan pula horny nanti.

Lepas siap-siap, gua pun ambil helmet, kunci motor dan turun lif. Start motor, panaskan enjin ala kadar. Naik motor pergi kerja memang mudah, sebab:

1. Boleh cilok sana sini time pagi jalan sibuk (takda la pagi sangat pun)
2. Duit petrol RM8 full tank boleh tahan seminggu atau lebih kalau gua kayuh motor tu pakai kaki sekali sekala
3. Tak payah bayar parking DBKL
4. Nak pergi beli nasi campur atau pergi bank ke boleh zass terus

Tapi susah juga kadang-kadang tu naik motor, lu orang tau saja lah:

1. Masuk ofis saja semua orang ingat ofis terbakar, padahal bau asap kereta bas apa lagi semua ada kat luar tu
2. Muka gua ni dulu daripada licin macam muka Aydan sekarang tiap dua minggu kena beli sabun cuci muka pasal dah macam-macam penyakit atas muka
3. Sekarang ni lu orang tau saja lah, cuaca memang challenging. Kalau panas gua boleh tahan lagi, ini kalau hujan macam cats and dogs omputih kata memang jahanam gua
4. Memang betul bawa motor lagi senang eksiden
5. Orang pandang serong kat gua diaorang ingat gua ni mat rempit macam yang diaorang baca dalam suratkhabar tak bertamadun Harian Metro

Oke pagi gua pergi kerja, gua akan singgah di Restoran OK. Restoran ni restoran cina, jual b-a-b-i bagai. Tapi gua tak makan b-a-b-i, busuk. Gua akan singgah beli buah kat kedai Ah So (gua tak tahu nama makcik cina ni, jadi gua panggil dia Ah So saja) sebelum gua masuk ofis.

Gua akan beli tiga jenis buah. Sebelum ni (beberapa bulan lepas) gua beli buah jambu, buah betik dan mangga. Semua RM1 sebungkus. Tapi gua tengok-tengok balik mangga tu agak sikit saja kuantiti dia lepas tu rasa pun tak berapa nak kick. Gua decide tukar mangga kepada nenas lepas tu.

Ah So dah kenal gua sangat. Dia nampak je gua sampai naik Moskito cover set d'Azurri (adik gua Suraya memang takda taste langsung, apa ke benda buat kaler tu) pakai helmet Arai putih adik gua Boboy (yang sorang ni pulak nak gaya rempit aja) dia mesti senyum lepas tu,"Helo hemsem.. Mau buah?" Ah So tahu gua ada style gua sendiri bila gua beli buah kat dia; jambu, nenas dan betik dia akan potong kecik-kecik lepas tu campur satu plastik. Taruh serbuk asam. Memang cekap. Layan. Tak payah cakap, dia terus buat untuk gua. Lepas tu gua dah bayar RM3 dia mesti cakap,"Tengkiu aa leng chai.."

Bangga juga gua, macam kalau dah kahwin lu balik rumah bini lu dah bikin daging salai masak lemak cili api ke asam tumis ikan parang ke. Tak payah request atau order. Mesti heaven kan. Macam tu lah gua rasa bila Ah So dengan pantas bungkuskan untuk gua. Cuma dia tak cukup lawa lepas tu laki dia ada kat tepi tu tengah siang kulit buah dengan pisau besar. Kalau gua mengurat Ah So mau uncle tikam gua berkali-kali nanti. Tak nak la.

Tapi dua hari kebelakangan ni gua memang frust.

*******
Semalam Ah So sama uncle takda pula. Ada apprentice baru. Ah So juga. Dengan laki dia, campur dua orang lagi tolong. EMPAT ORANG! Nak buat apa ramai ramai ni, bukan nak buka wokshop kereta.

Gua agak cemas. Macam mana ni.. Takkan gua nak kena ulang balik gua punya order. Hari-hari datang tak payah cakap apa bawak tiga ringgit saja.

Gua kuatkan hati.

"Yes boss mau apa buah?" tanya Ah So baru.

"Errkk jambu, betik, nenas.." gua rasa janggal.

Lepas tu gua nampak dia tak buat benda yang normal Ah So lama buat. Adui!

"Ah So (baru) kasi potong semua, campur satu kali, letak asam."

"Ooh okay."

Lembab betul dia. Terkial-kial. Gua resah betul, serius. Takkan hari-hari nak kena lalu benda ni?

Dia hulur plastik buah, gua hulur RM1 tiga keping, gua chow.

Hari esok gua harap Ah So lama datang kerja balik. Gua kekok betul kalau Ah So baru buat kerja.

*******
Hari ni gua masih menaruh harapan Ah So lama akan kembali beraksi.

Dari jauh selekoh CIMB lepas traffic light balai polis tu gua jenguk-jenguk.

Argghh tidak! Ah So baru lagi.

Gua kuatkan hati juga.

"Yes boss.. Mau beli buah?"

"Saya mau jambu, nenas sama betik." Saja gua tak sebut kasi potong, campur satu plastik, taruh asam. Nak test dia sikit.

"Okay." Jawab dia konfiden.

Gua perhati saja Ah So baru ni buat kerja.

Alamak dia tak potong lagi! Ah So baru buat dek saja masukkan buah-buah tu dalam bungkusan lain-lain.

"Ah So, saya mau kasi potong semua, kasi letak satu plastik saja.." nada gua agak stress.

"Oh okay okay.." Sengih-sengih lagi.

Gua rasa macam nak sound aja "Ah So kasi potong cepat laa", "Ah So lu apa pegang pisau pun tak betul, kejap pegang pisau tangan kanan kejap tangan kiri", "Ah So apa pasal sampai tiga orang mau bikin satu orang punya kerja" dan banyak lagi dalam otak gua yang gua tahan saja.

"Mau letak asam tak boss?"

Adoi ini yang panas ni. "Kasi letak la.."

Ah So baru hulur plastik sambil sengih-sengih kat gua. Gua sambar, letak RM1 tiga helai atas meja, gua cabut. Semak.

*******

Ah So lama pergi honeymoon sama uncle ke? Atau pergi tanam buah musim baru? Atau diaorang dah franchise dekat Ah So baru? Atau dia dah dapat offer kerja CIMB kat belakang tu?

Gua rasa macam dah takda hati nak beli buah kat situ lagi. Ah So lama takkan buat macam ni. Buat kerja pun pantas.

Ah So baru buat kerja macam gugup. Macam ada sorok rahsia aja gua rasa. Dia dah kidnap Ah So lama dengan uncle lepas tu jual diaorang kat Siam ke? Atau dia cakap kat Ah So lama kalau meniaga kat pasar Semenyih lagi untung?

Gua serabut fikir benda ni. Tak boleh fokus kerja. Nak kunyah buah pun dah tak lalu, terkenang kat Ah So lama.

Minta-mintalah esok Ah So lama kembali. Kalau tak, gua sanggup pergi Semenyih beli buah dekat sana.

Sempat gua lukis gambar Ah So lama kejap tadi. Buat pengubat hati. Kalau dia ada esok gua hadiahkan kat dia. Mesti dia taknak meniaga kat Semenyih lagi lepas ni.

Dem yuh!

Prologue: Counselor In-Mobile (Kem)

I just started another project last week. This time with a consultant company. Well, I am actually involved directly with this consultant team, though I am, undeniably the smallest or the tiniest in terms of my experience and influence (not my dick). This is because the other team members consist of my highly respectable uncle who I will after this be calling him as Kem (as in 'camp' but without the 'p') as the principle, Uncle Khairuddin who is high-profile marketing extraordinaire, Mr Jamil is a corporate finance savvy and my cousin (Kem's youngest son) Jojo as the business analyst. And my humble self.

It is really awkward you see, all of them are on a different level than me. Even Jojo, who is 32-year-old now, who I really look up to whenever we did any projects together, is considered the most inexperienced and freshie to them. So you know where I stand now.

Worry not, I am well aware of this situation, I know my position as the youngest of the youngest, the ultimate inexperienced and zero influence. But that doesn't mean I can't learn anything and be as good as they are now, no?

Right now I'm just started on the simplest things; familiarising the business nature, data digestion, getting used to numbers and statistics, numbers again, business proposals, official letters, meetings, numbers, numbers and never stops.

So, what project is this?

I can't really tell here. I don't know if it's P&C. But what I can tell you is that we're providing consultation to this client of ours (I will call the client MV) for this one project. It's a PFI (Private Finance Initiative) project, worth about RM170,000,000/year.

Too many zeros? Okay, 170 million per year.

No, we're not getting that money, you crazy. It's the client. MV is proposing to the Ministry (I will call it MOH), to buy everything manage their assets in the southern region (Johor, Malacca, Negri Sembilan).

Why?

You see, the thing with the Government is, whenever something is wrong somewhere be it machine broke-down or anything related to their assets, you have to file a report, then send to some departments. Then from department to another to another until the matter gets to the minister and you still have to wait for the approval bla bla bla. Then wait for two months.

This is what we call BUREAUCRACY.

So this PFI made things faster, and easier for the Government. See, what we're doing for MV is that we structure a proposal to buy-out all of these assets and equipments from MOH. Then after that, the Government doesn't need to go through all these silly things. They just have to pay the service to MV every month, instead of maintaining their assets and equipments, which they suck at. So after this when something needs to be done, MV will straight away fix it and then bill it to the Government later, so they don't have to wait to repair anything important if you know what I mean. Other than that the Government will have to pay a fixed monthly service charge to MV. Easy.

What I am trying to say here is that, besides being a business development officer, I am also the runner for this company, to send letters, to send Kem to appointments etc (mentang-mentang lah gua paling junior). But it's all right, I believe that if I wanna be really good, I have to start from scratch. I've always believed that. Plus, Kem is a maestro at what he does. And he's my father's elder brother. What's there not to listen to?

So this time whenever I send Kem anywhere, I will ask him something. Anything. About business, economy, life, money, passion, anything. In fact, I've sent him two times already and yes I managed to learn something.

What have I learned?

Next time.

This is why it's called, Prologue: Counselor In-Mobile.


Dem yuh!

A Century of Truths?

Naked truths or best dressed lies

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: Always plain water. I have a phobia of not having enough water in my body

2. Last phone call: Aydan Rayens

3. Last text message: Hotmail. Whats ur yahoo messenger (no I wasn't hitting anybody)

4. Last song you listened to: Clipse - I'm Good. I really am vain

5. Last time you cried: I weep all the time


HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: What do you mean, twice?

7. Been cheated on: Who hasn't?

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Unfortunately, yes

9. Lost someone special: Does bitches count?

10. Been depressed: Depressed is the new 'black'

11. Been drunk and threw up: Ha ha I'll leave this to the witnesses. Obviously I couldn't remember


LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. White (is it a colour?)

13. Black (is it a colour?)

14. Grey (I'll take in between them, it must be a color, ain't it?)


THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)

15. Made a new friend: Wow, this is a toughie. Well let's see... Yes

16. Fallen out of love: I hope not

17. Laughed until you cried: I've cried until I laughed

18. Met someone who changed you: Definitely, maybe

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes they are like good eggs, only cracked

20. Found out someone was talking about you: They are so thoughtful, who ever they are

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: They've probably the ones who kissed me

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Which list?

23. How many kids do you want: Erk, how many women am I allowed to marry?

24. Do you have any pets: Fishes. Sorry, fish. The rest drowned

25. Do you want to change your name: If they believe I'm Brad Pitt after that, then yes

26. What did you do for your last birthday: I was proposed

27. What time did you wake up today: 9.30am wake-up call from Aydan

28. What were you doing at midnight: Wet dreaming

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: My first 7-digit

30. Last time you saw your Mother: Last Saturday for her 58th Birthday

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I would like to change nothing. Thank you

32. What are you listening to right now: Azure Ray - If I Fall

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes, in fact it's Tom, Dick and Harry

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: My in-shape belly

35. Most visited webpage: HIT THIS

36. What's your real name: If I tell you, I will have to kill you

37. Nicknames: Refer answer #36

38. Relationship status: To whom it may concern, please answer this for me

39. Zodiac sign: HIT THIS

40. Male or female: Man

41. Primary school: SKTE

42. Secondary school: KUSESS

43. High school/college/university?: Hmm.. I am a college drop-out

44. Hair color: Tried one too many. I still prefer grey

45. Long or short: Short - this word only applies to my hair and nothing else

46. Height: 177cm

47. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes

48: What do you like about yourself: To a point that I would even date myself

49. Piercings: Not anymore

51. Righty or lefty: I am a Polar Bear. Lefty


FIRSTS:

52. First surgery: Believe me, I lost track

53. First piercing: Hmm.. I would rather say 'stabbed'

54. First best friend: Optimus Prime?

55. First sport you joined: Musical chair

56. First vacation: I remembered Port Dickson

58. First pair of trainers: Reebok Pump back in early 90's. I fell in love with sneakers ever since


RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: Djin's food

60. Drinking: Refer answer #1

61. I'm about to: Fart. Seriously good timing

62. Listening to: Malique Ibrahim feat. DJ Fuzz - Khayal

63. Waiting on: The world to change


YOUR FUTURE:

64. What kids: Boys and girls (yes, plural, for both)

65. Get Married: Of course. I believe in marriage constitution

66. Career: Fashion entrepreneur. Or a rockstar


WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes: Both

68. Hugs or kisses: One thing leads to another

69. Shorter or taller: Longer

70. Older or Younger: Young at heart

71. Romantic or spontaneous: Can somebody please answer this for me? I'm done being vain

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Ahh, this is tricky. I have both

73. Sensitive or loud: Both, ironically

74. Hook-up or relationship: I'm tired of relationship. Right now I'm in romance

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Wonder where I got the BudakNakal name


HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: Kissed and then became a stranger. Go figure

77. Drank hard liquor: 151's

78. Lost glasses/contacts: Lost contacts. How to get back to them yeah *sigh*

79. Sex on first date: I don't believe in this

80. Broken someone's heart: I wished I didn't do that, but unfortunately yes. Yes and never proud of it

82. Been arrested: Guilty as charged

83. Turned someone down: I had no choice

84. Cried when someone died: Yes. But I will buck up for the future ones

85. Fallen for a friend: Not that I can remember


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: Of course. What's not to believe in?

87. Miracles: It happened many times there's no way not to believe

88. Love at first sight: Yes and yes

89. Heaven: No doubt

90. Santa Claus: No. Prove me wrong

91. Kiss on the first date: Save the best for last

92. Angels: Yes


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No. I don't do two person at the same time

95. Did you sing today: Frantically

96. Ever cheated on somebody: If only death is 'somebody'

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: Depends on the time machine's version

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: There's 366 days to go through and I have no time to think

99. Are you afraid of falling in love: More afraid of falling OUT of love

100. Posting this as 100 truths: For you to find out

Hi, my name is Michael Jackson. I'm blue and yellow

Dem yuh!