Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Losing my mind.

I am seriously, seriously am not in the stable mode.

I've been using my BudakNakal version 25.0 operating system for a year and suddenly now I am upgrading it to BudakNakal 26.1 beta version. The system is really not stable most of the times it goes haywire and sometimes causes unreasonable pain to my brain. A few times it almost crashed. Almost. God knows what's going to happen if it really crashed. Actually I know. I'll be dead, simple as that.

It's amazing (in a bad way) in a sense that when we grow up we are supposed to be wiser, more mature, taking charge and lead by examples but actually it's just so hard to do so. Now like I said, upgrading to a new version is like moving to the next level in life (this is personal preference) but the beta version, you are still solving or fixing unexpected problems that arise daily. This has something to do with matrix, arithmetic and logic.

But you see the one of the source for this instability is a new software I just installed. It's called Love 1.0. I've uninstalled this software since last year, because the last time I used the Love 2.0 it turned out to be a virus. A really dangerous one. It failed to follow orders from the operating system and started to infect the main system and slowed the performance. I don't wish to explain more.

But Love 1.0 was installed again exactly a month ago. Before that I've been using the 45-day trial version. You see the trial version is pretty much to let you get used to the first stage of it. If you are happy with it you can get the actual version. Once you installed the actual version, you will open up yourself to whole spectrum of it. And the best thing is, the software will upgrade itself whenever the operating system is getting more familiar with it, from time to time. Slowly but surely.

You see the Love software is a really powerful software. I can boast my operating system and performance or other software such as Responsibility 4.4, Romance 6.0, Happiness 8.1, and many more good software. Whatever it is, I am really satisfied with what I have now, even though I have to start all over again which I believe many will not wish to. It's not easy. E-mail me if you want to know more.

Well enough with the story.

The main topic is losing my mind. I am losing my mind because it's been a tough time for everything in my life now. I am contemplating new ideas and new challenges apart from other things. Actually come to think of it, lately things have been doing really well with my family and I, my significant other and my personal development albeit other frustrating stuff such as financial turmoil, career challenges and health issues. These three things (each positive and negative) are the most important to me whenever I re-assess myself.

And love, being the latest addition to my life, felt as if it is something really new to me, something I've never been through at all before. Felt like I've never being in love. Too overwhelming. I see rainbows and stars and all the shiny vibrant things everywhere, especially when my significant other is with me. But, I sometimes am not sure of how to react or what to do when something came up. If I go too fast, we might caught in accident but if I go too slow, we might fell asleep. If I push too hard, we might get hurt but if I don't push too soft, we will never move forward.

Stay in between then.

I know. I'm getting used to it. Give me some time please. This whole thing is really exciting and at the same time, intimidating and I feel now that I have bigger responsibilities and new people to look after.

I can relate love to maneuvering a car; you don't want to hold the steering wheel to tight and refuse to swift to the left or to the right whenever there's a distraction or obstacle in front. There's nothing you can do about the defected road and the road is literally your journey to reach to your objective, which is your perfect home with your loved one.

This is getting a bit too emotional for me. I don't know why. I don't think I can continue.

I'm losing my mind.


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